(Closed) Confused on proper ettiquette….

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1385 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

*Sigh* this is a hard one. I would try to explain to her that you didn’t mean to “steal her thunder” and that you thought she was getting married in Vegas, be honest. But don’t change your whole wedding over it- unless that’s something YOU and your Fiance are willing to do.

If she’s still upset despite your apologies I would just let it go. That’s just my humble opinion.

Post # 4
Member
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I would continue with Hawaii plans.  She doesn’t have anything solidified, so she has no grounds to be upset.  I think she is just jealous.

Post # 5
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

She sounds jealous to me. Tons of people have their weddings in Hawaii. You can’t call dibs on an entire state, for goodness sakes! Don’t change a single plan for her.

I would send her a message and say, “Hey, I thought you were getting married in Vegas. But Hawaii will be awesome.” And then send her links to weddingbee threads about Hawaii weddings. Several bees have been married there:

Mrs. Sushi

Miss Sewing

Mrs. Piglet

This will underline your point that she will hardly be the first person to be married in Hawaii. Good luck with her…if worse comes to worst, just ignore her griping, because she is the one who looks bad, not you.

Post # 6
Member
1385 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Oh I’d like to note that someone who isn’t even invited to our wedding was upset at the mere mention of me getting married in Sedona…. which is where she was married 2 years ago. After she asked and I answered she gave me the cold shoulder and hasn’t been friendly with me since. By The Way I didn’t know her 2 years ago nor was I aware she married in Sedona.

Some people are just jealous and it stinks.

Post # 7
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I second @chelseamorning’s suggestion for the same reason.  Also, you just picked a similar state, not the whole wedding vision…maybe, as you and Fiance plan your wedding, try to center it on something UNIQUE to the two of you, rather than going with an island/beach theme, to show your individuality in choosing Hawaii. (you & Fiance probably would have planned the unique thing anyway – I mean, it’s YOUR wedding, not some random person’s wedding) 

And, as a Hawaii native (born & bred & blood), hundreds of thousands of people get married in Hawaii & I’m not offended that you “steal” my home state.  Neither should she, especially if she’s not from there, & you didn’t “steal” any other elements from her plans.

Post # 8
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Are you getting married in the same month, or does your Hawaii wedding mean that your friends won’t be able to come to hers?  Those are the only reasons I can think of for her to be pissed.  So make a peace overture, or better yet, let your Fiance make it to his best friend, but after that just figure she has the right to be stupidly pissed, and you have the right to ignore her.  Some people just like to be offended. 

Post # 9
Member
5497 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

This isn’t a fun situation to be in! I third (?) that you send a casual e-mail her way telling her you really thought she wanted vegas and apologizing. The pp’s are right…she’s not the first, nor will she be the last if she decides, to get married there.

Post # 10
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

she doesn’t own hawaii. you’re allowed to get married there too. i agree with hopewell, it’s you’re fi’s friend’s fi, so i’d let him deal with it.

Post # 11
Member
1585 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

“Daisy”  Needs to get over it.  Just make sure your wedding date is not near hers.

You also may want to thing about how many mutual friends that will be invited to the wedding.  They may not be able to go to both weddings.  But seriously she needs to find something better to be upset about.

Post # 13
Member
374 posts
Helper bee

Ok, here goes.  No one is going to like this answer.  But, it was her idea to have a destination wedding.  You should go back to your original idea.  Having a destination wedding also has finances and it’s not going to be as inexpensive as you think.  I personally think it is rude to invite people to spend hundreds of dollars on a wedding so you can save a few dollars on the home front.  This will be reflected in your gifts also.  If people are paying an arm and a leg to attend a wedding, they are not going to be generous with a gift.  And, then you will be upset that they were cheap.

I think you should rethink this whole desintation wedding idea.   I think you are just frustrated because it is difficult to come to an agreement about guests, numbers, his side, your side…the who, what, and where and it just seems easier to bag the whole idea and go some place far.  Go to Hawaii on your honeymoon.

Post # 14
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

If you want to do a destination wedding in Hawaii do it!  You don’t get to claim an entire state as “your” idea.  It would be nice to make sure to give all of your VIP guests plenty of time to plan for time off/save for the trip/etc.

And to Momma – way to just assume that the original poster is only doing a destination wedding to save money – what if this is truly what she and her Fiance want?  And its incredibly rude to insinuate that she’ll be upset by how “cheap” the potential gifts she gets are.  What if she just wants close friends and family there and could care less if they give a gift? 

Post # 15
Member
1209 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree, she does not get to claim the entire state of Hawaii! Wow! AND what is up with people posting comments like that on FB! She sounds very immature. Keep with your plans girl!! =)

Post # 16
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@Momma – I don’t think that’s entirely fair.  We don’t know why OP decided Hawaii was the best choice for her and her Fiance, nor is that really the point.

OP – Since your guest lists don’t overlap and the weddings are far apart, I don’t see any reason to reconsider.  There’s no “dibs” etiquette in weddings, and it’s not as though she’s already booked vendors or similar.

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