(Closed) Confused or Crazy?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

No you aren’t crazy for not wanting a relationship you are completely confident in. Yes, you are crazy to be engaged and planning a wedding. Relationships are not perfect but the right one should not be this hard. It doesn’t sound to me like you are right for each other and that some time down the road you will find someone who is better suited to be your life partner.  Have courage and follow your gut on this one!

Post # 4
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@SadLittleBee:  Hye girl, sorry you feel torn here when it is supposed to be such a special time in a womans life.  I would say if he isn’t attentive enough, sexually, emotionally , physically keeping the fact he has a kid from you???OMg i would have snapped lol but i think if you truly care about him that you need to discuss with him couples counseling or your postponing the wedding.  If you are not 100% sure i sure wouldn’t go through with it.  So i hope that you truly take everything into factor, you have a good time together and enjoy his company aside from the attentivness problem.  If he trusts another woman to talk to )especially an ex) there is a BIG problem, i would definitelydraw the line way before then.  If he is willing to go behind your back and talk to his ex and talk to her about his issues maybe he should be with her? that’s how i would feel.  But if you truly love him you should really consider couples counseling . 

Post # 5
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

You dated him for eight months before finding out he has a child — and he didn’t even tell you himself that he did?  You had to find out because he was talking to other women??  How did you guys even end up getting engaged??!!

The small stuff like him not doing the dishes correctly…that’s the kind of stuff that you should be able to get over in a GOOD relationship.  That’s when you say, “Honey, let me be in charge of the dishes and you can be in charge of vacuuming the floors.”  When you’re unhappy, everything becomes an issue.  I think that’s happened here.

Honestly, it sounds like you were never really that into this guy and you kind of just fell into a relationship with him.  No relationship is going to be a passionate love affair 24/7, but at the very least you need to love and trust the person you are with.  

Post # 6
1469 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

You’re not crazy.  But it doesn’t sound like either of you are happy in this relationship. 

You shouldn’t have to work so hard for the basic stuff, like getting him to help out with dishes or give you regular hugs.  The trust issue is definitely huge but I also see that overall he isn’t sharing his life with you and making the necessary compromises for a relationship with another person.  Forget about the romance.  Why isn’t he putting in effort overall?  When you truly love someone, it does suck to go through all the time and emotions but you deal with it and you deal with it TOGETHER.  You have to feel confident that at the end of the day, he will be there for you and that he won’t run away or leave you to face it alone when a bump comes into the relationship. 

Good luck! I think in your heart, you will know what to do.

Post # 9
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@SadLittleBee:  you said, “I don’t feel like we ever really formed a good foundation to a great future.”

I mean, there’s nothing more to say, is there?  I think you know what you need to do.  🙁

Post # 12
5177 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

So why are you still together? It kind of sounds like you just “went along with it” even though you never felt that into it. Why, is a good question. Were you lonely? Afraid? Insecure? Bored? Pressured?

You can’t FORCE this relationship to be something it is not. Square pegs do not fit into round holes and all that. Really, it should not be this much work. Healthy relationships just are NOT this much work. I may be a bit biased, but I really don’t think you should have to force intimacy, respect, love, connection and communication. If you got it together, you got it. Sometimes there are hiccups, but it is not a uphill battle like if you don’t got it. 

There is something incredibly sad about you saying you are willing to put in effort to make things as good as you PRETEND them to be. 

Post # 13
4272 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Sounds like you two got engaged for the wrong reasons… you are not crazy. I don’t think you two should marry. I think you need to tell him how you are feeling. I can bet he feels the same way.

Post # 14
1306 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@sailor_girl:  +1


There just seems to be too much damage here and not enough to fight for. I often encourage couples to go to counseling to salvage what they had, but it seems to me you two never really had anything in the first place (aside from peer pressure to be together). Good luck, OP

Post # 15
4311 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Suffering in silence is the worst sweetie.  You need to talk to him about this.  This is your life!!  And you both deserve to be happy!  Not fake happy or halfway happy… happy, fulfilled.  This is incredibly hard, but I think you said it the best — don’t force a future that’s not there.  I hope everything works out.

Post # 16
3638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@LovelyLaura:  +10000. I couldn’t have said it any better.

OP, I can understand how this would have happened, being with him was better than being alone, it was fun etc etc. However, I really don’t think that he is The One for you, and you deserve to find the one!

End it now, the longer you leave it the harder it will be. You don’t want to end up meeting the perfect guy for you after you are married to “kind of alright guy”.

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