- 3 years ago
I’m totally new to weddings and wedding etiquette/customs. None of my close friends really have any idea on traditional etiquette either so navigating etiquette minefields has been confusing. Since getting engaged with Fiance, several people have asked us if we’re having an engagement party. We decided we might as well host one (in our home, pretty casual). After I started doing research… now I read that it’s rude to host on your own engagement party? We’re providing all food and alcohol and are not expecting gifts (definitely no registry and if anyone asks, we will be firm on “no gifts”). Our parents do not live in the same city as us and we would also not make them travel for a casual engagement party… I’m sure if one of the friends who asked us if we’re having an engagement party, and we answered that it’d seem rude to throw one ourselves, then our friends would offer…. but I would feel so guilty!! I absolutely do not want someone else putting in that kind of effort or feeling like they need to shell out any money.
Coincidentally, I also didn’t realize it’s rude to host your own bachelorette…. it’s far off in the future, but I had ssumed that I would pay for all costs of whatever bachelorette I have because (again) I don’t want anyone else to spend money on my celebration… if someone else hosts it, would I still pay for it? I know my Maid/Matron of Honor would definitely offer to host one for me, but she lives a 3-hour flight from me and the other bridesmaids, and I also don’t want her to go through that trouble.
Just the thought of having someone else (even a willing close friend) host things for me makes me feel icky… I would rather not have both an engagement party and a bachelorette than have someone else host it/pay for it for me. Should I just give up on those then instead of hosting myself?
I also didn’t realize until browsing WeddingBee and TheKnot that it’s rude to host your own birthday party. 🙁 My friends and I always host our own birthdays every year so I never realized that was also against etiquette… Is it better if your SO/partner sends out the invites for birthday parties instead? Or is that still rude…