(Closed) Confused over hosting own engagement party and/or bachelorette

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
2600 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

miamia00:  To answer your question, yes, the label probably can evade the expectations.

But the other truth of the matter is it’s your bachelorette party and your BMs are…your friends, right? Seems silly to fuss that much over etiquette if you can just call your BMs and ask them. Yes, you don’t want to pressure them into feeling like they have to do anything and that’s why I brought that stuff up so you can be *aware* of that possibility, but I also feel that if they’re good friends, you will be able to effectively convey what you’re envisioning while asking them for their honest opinion, and they will feel comfortable giving you their honest opinion. 

Post # 18
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Loft in the city

Don’t over think this. An engagement party is saying “Hey, we’re getting married” there is nothing rude about hosting it yourself. 

Usually your squad (Brides Maids & Maid of Honor) throw you your Bachelorette party and your family throws you your Bridal Shower. 

This is a special time for you both. Let your friends and family fuss over you. ❤️

Post # 19
Member
2636 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Honestly, what is considered acceptable and what is considered rude will differ depending on the country you live in, your culture and even your social circle. Like you, I didn’t know that a lot of people considered it rude to host your own engagement party and birthday parties – where I am from, this is how it has always been done and how people expect things to be done. I have been to lots of engagement parties in the last 5 years or so and they have all been thrown by the couple getting married. My Fiance and I threw our own engagement party and no one batted an eyelid (we also made no mention of gifts and told those who asked that they were really not necessary).

Planning your own bachelorette party is considered rude where I’m from, however, I’m not sure how true this would be if you’re planning to also fund the party yourself. In my experience, people are only against the bride planning the party because she expects her bridesmaids (and other guests) to foot the bill. If you’re paying for the whole thing yourself, I think that the “rules” and expectations would be different. My bridesmaids are planning my bachelorette, which is lovely of them and certainly not expected but it’s what they wanted to do. I have no idea what we’re doing yet, but I know they’ll be smart in regards to costs and the like. I would have just as happily had no party though.

Post # 20
Member
2098 posts
Buzzing bee

miamia00:  It’s definltey NOT rude to host anything. It’s generous and totally up to you. I am with you 100%, I don’t want to burden people to celebrate my wedding beyond coming to my wedding! It’s overkill these days that people have to have SO many events that basically require people to buy multiple gifts, make multuple travels, etc. I’ve seen other people hosting their own engagement parties before, so I don’t anyone would find it “rude”. People get caught up (many here on this site, and also in the general world) with ideals that they’ve seen on in tv or in other people’s lives. Yes, ideally the bride’s parents would pay for a wedding, but that isn’t always possible. Groom’s parents would pay for rehearsal dinner, but in reality that can’t always be the case. In this ideal world the couple might have family or friends who want to throw them an engagement party too! 
I’ve only known one couple that had this kind of party and her parents are rich. Most of my other friends had no engagement party unless it was a smaller family thing I wasn’t invited to. One couple I know (not well) had an engagement “party” at a bar where everyone bought their own drinks the way most young people have birthdy “paries”. Another couple threw their own little engagagement party themselves. These aren’t people I was close to, I just saw pix online. I’ve never actually been to an engagement party. 
Bottom line, you can totally have an egagement party that you throw yourself. Totally. 

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