(Closed) Confused- Please DO NOT Judge

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 137
Member
2868 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m so glad you have made up your mind to leave. Please do so safely and quickly! 

In regards to the child, if you decide to keep it, I’d just say father unknown on the birth certificate. Then I believe he would have to bother to go to court for a DNA test to prove his paternity if he wanted visitation/custody. I second the bees who say go to the cops, even if you don’t have physical evidence, because it starts a document trail and could potentially get you a restraining order which could keep him from coming after you when you leave. Does he know where your family members live?

Post # 138
Member
13722 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Children are a product of nature AND nurture.  

Post # 139
Member
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Blessed68:  I was in an abusive marriage, and have a son with an abuser. My son is 8, and he hasn’t been abusive to my child, but he has done everything in his power to mainpulate my child, and make things as hard as possible. The legal system was not a help when i was going through the abuse, and it hasn’t been since. I wouldn’t trust the US legal system to keep your baby away from this man. If i were you, I would give the baby up for adoption. However, i know that these decisions are personal, and take a lot of thought and consideration. It sounds as though you already have love for the baby, so maybe some comfort could be given knowing that the baby is with a family who can keep him/her away from a life like my son has. I am riddled with guilt that my son has to have this person in his life. I do my best, but i can’t protect him from the horrible manipulation he endures. Best wishes to you in this difficult time.

Post # 140
Member
1405 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Blessed68:  Of course, your instincts to end it are right. Bad as it is, you found out now, not later. Please don’t even consider continuing a relationship with this man!

 

Certainly won’t judge you on the issue of abortion, even though I am against it myself.  I will suggest some questions to think about.

 

This a baby you wanted. Would you regret ending the pregnancy down the road? And should it be your child who suffers because of what he did?

 

Can you handle raising a child alone? I adopted a child as a single woman, and have loved every minute of being a mother. (I wasn’t rich; I was disabled and living on a limited income.) Only regret was not bringing children into my life sooner.The hardships were outweighed by the joys. But not everyone feels this way. I have met some women who had tough times as a single mom.

 

Would you consider putting the child up for adoption? Many families are ready to take care of a child if you cannot. Adoption has changed a lot. You can pick the family and still have some contact with adoptive family.You can choose open adoption where you can meet the child when he/she is older. Of course, many women find adoption more difficult than abortion. And it IS more difficult.

 

 

 

Post # 141
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Trust me, you dont want your kid to have an abusive father nor having him around visiting your child. If you can not raise a child by yourself, please do not keep it. I would have an abortion. I would hate to see my kid growing up not having things other children have. 

 

The only time you should keep it is when the baby is what you really really want, and be able to provide him/her a good life, by yourself. 

P/S Many people would think I am cold blooded when I say this, but abortion is not a bad emotional rollercoaster like people always say, especially at a couple weeks. If you are young and looking for a fresh new life, it is not that bad. However, you have to make your decision quickly. 

By the way, giving birth and then giving up your child for adoption? That is even worst imo. How can someone go through all that preg process and abandon their babies like that? How would the kids feel? It will haunt you for life. 

 

Post # 142
Member
9541 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m SO glad to hear you’re moving out and have told your family. I’ve been thinking about your post. It’s not easy, but it’s the right choice. And it’ll get better. It’s a really hard decision about the pregnacy, but I think you’rechoosing what’s right for you – and that’s what’s important!

Post # 143
Member
1405 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

View original reply
@goldfish2308:  “I would hate to see my kid growing up not having THINGS that other children have.”

Unbelievable! I grew up with two parents, married, and did not have many of the THINGS that other kids had. My parents struggled. I went to visit other kids’s home and noticed the furniture was a lot nicer than ours. I heard about the vacations they seemed to always be taking, while we could not afford to go anywhere.

I am so grateful I grew up this way, as it gave me my drive and ambition. The pampered children of these upper middle class families seemed to lack motivation, and be, well, weak, when it came to facing life’s hardships. 

My wonderful parents gave me so much more than THINGS. I have two master’s degrees, and I have written a book.

Whatever the OP decides to do, hopefully it will not be based on whether or not she can give her child the same THINGS that others have.

Post # 144
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

View original reply
@Carolsays:  When I say “things”, it does not just mean material thinngs, they would include happily married parents, a nonabusive childhood… And I can understand the whole being ambitious concept. However, it is always better to grow up in a family that can provide kids the help so that it can enable them to do whatever they want in life without having to struggle. 

 

Besides, when your children are really sick and you dont have good insurance, what would you do? I admit there are successul people out there that come from a poor family. However, I want my kids to have a comfortable life, but not spoiling them if you know what I mean. There are rich family that have good children and it enable them to expand the family business and bring it to a whole different level. Thats why the rich remain being rich. Not all rich kids are spoiled, it depends on how people raise them up

 

The topic ‘Confused- Please DO NOT Judge’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors