(Closed) Confused- Please DO NOT Judge

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
3339 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

@Blessed68:  Wow.  I am so sorry.  Kudos to you for leaving him.  As for what to do…only you can decide.  I’ll tell you one thing though: I have known people who have gotten abortions and regretted it.  But I have never met a single person who chose to keep their child and regretted that.  Good luck, sweetheart!  I’m praying for you!  Whatever you end up choosing, seek support from your family and friends.

Post # 33
44 posts
  • Wedding: October 2013

Noone is judging you. I think decision number 1 needs to be about doing what’s best for yourself. You need to get away from this man. Find your supporrt system, wherever it is, and get away from him. Then, file a restraining order so that he knows you mean business, and that he will not come after you. Send a very clear message to him that it is OVER. If he calls, dont answer. if he texts, ignore it, and if he shows up at your door, call the police. You have to take a stand or you will never get out.

Then, once you are away from the abuse, and can think straight, you can try to make a decision about the baby. Find a counselor, someone to talk to who can help you to see the situation objectively. You will be OK. You will make whatever decision is right for you, and noone can judge what that is except for you.  

Post # 34
8035 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

Get away from this guy. I am so sorry for what you’re going through. Just know that the only wrong decision here would be to stay with him. The rest is up to you.

Post # 35
6255 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

I would personally give the child up for adoption, but I don’t think any person with an ounce of compassion should judge you for getting an abortion if that’s what you choose to do. Situations like yours are the reasons we NEED abortion, IMO.


If you do decide to carry to term and raise the baby, you need to be prepared to fight like hell to make sure that the father has no custodial rights. You need to document everything and probably find a good attorney. I bet if you explain your situation, someone will be willing to work with you at a discount or on a payment plan, if not entirely pro-bono.


Post # 37
2478 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m so sorry this is happening to you. My advice would be to leave him immediately and go home to your parents where you will be in a safe and supportive environment. At that point you will be in a far better position to make a balanced decision about whether to have the baby or terminate the pregnancy. All the while you are under the same roof and in danger from this abusive man you will be unable to think straight.

Best of luck with whatever you decide to do though.


Post # 38
2773 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2007

View original reply
@Blessed68:  Please, please get away from him!! He hit you, while you were pregnant with his child!! You are NOT safe. I definetly agree with others, file a police report, if you have bruises take pictures, document everything and get out NOW. 

I’ve seen too many women believe a man who says he will change, or it will never happen again..it always happens again. 



Post # 39
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

My heart goes out to you ! I am so sorry this has happend ! you need to file a police report to document this and walk away you and that baby need to be in a safe home not with someone like that! Do you have family you could stay with maybe your sister


Post # 40
2777 posts
Sugar bee

@Blessed68:  if he hit you, you NEED to leave him. This is an ongoing cycle an it’s not going toget better. Have enough respect for yourself to get out. I would get an abortion. I have a child with someone I am not with, he broke up with me when I told him I was pregnant, and let me tell you….it’s NOT easy. He makes my life a living hell. He does anything and everything he can do to make my life harder than it needs to be. Don’t do that to yourself. You can have kids later with someone who loves you and respects you, not some loser who beats women. You better believe he will beat your kid one day too. I wouldn’t risk it

Post # 41
3668 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Blessed68:  Call the cops and don’t abort a child for his mistakes. The child did nothing to deserve punishment for having a bad parent ( a partner you chose). Get away for both you AND the baby. Get the cops involved and tell yourself that HE WILL NOT CHANGE. The police need to come and he needs to be arrested. You will stand trial and I promise that you have every right to keep him out of both your life and the childs life. I grew up without my abusive father although my mom was afraid of raising me alone and attempted to stay with him. It wasn’t until I was physicaly abused toddler that she decided to get us away. Court gave her custody and got him out of the picture! The right man will come along to raise your children with you. My step dad walked into my life at the age of ten and I am so blessed. In my eyes he is just dad. He will walk me down the aisle and e was there when I left for college and through him I got three siblings. Don’t be afraid! Go out and find strength you never knew you had! Mothers are the strongest things the world has ever seen and no generation can down play that strength. HUGS you will be okay dear!

Post # 42
9076 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

No judgement here. If you want to have an abortion, get one. You will have more babies with a man who treats you right. There is no shame in doing what is right for you and your child. I believe children should be brought into a responsible world — Your (ex?) SO sounds like he would not be interested in being responsible and you don’t want to do it alone. No shame in that.

I’m sorry he’s being such an asshole. I’d call the police, report him, and then figure out what you’re going to do. Don’t let anybody make a decision for your uterus for you — It’s inside your body and you control it.

Post # 43
1019 posts
Bumble bee

OP, please call the police on your SO, and don’t feel guilty for thinking about getting an abortion. I’ll be honest: if I discovered I was pregnant after a breakup, I would likely abort; in a case like yours with domestic violence involved, I almost certainly would abort. Pregnancy is the most dangerous time for someone to leave an abuser.

But that’s just me. Regardless of your choice to keep the pregnancy or to abort, you need to stay safe. (HUGS)


Post # 44
660 posts
Busy bee

LEAVE HIM! REPORT THE ABUSE ASAP! Take some TIME OUT FOR YOU and make the choice regarding the baby, GO with your gut, no one will judge what ever the choice. You are strong, WOMEN are strong, you will be fine xx


Post # 45
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’m so sorry this is happening to you.  Seek out help, reach out to someone.  You’ll be surprised by how much people are willing to help. 

You also need to repeat to yourself, “He’s never going to change.”

I’ve seen so many of these stories and they never end with the man turning over a new leaf.  Usually you have to get out, or it gets worse.

People change, but they don’t change back.

the pregnancy, do what is the right decision for you.  I know what I would do, but my circumstances are not yours.

Good luck and you have all of our support behind you.

Post # 46
3370 posts
Sugar bee

@Blessed68:  You really have to think long and hard and come to a resolution. This man is abusive and if you have this baby he would have the right to have joint custody just like any other father. It makes no difference in the eyes of the law that he abused you. So you may have to deal with not seeing this baby 50% of the time and the only way you’re going to take his parental rights away is if you have actual proof that he’s abusing the child.  Coming from a person with experience on this issue it’s a very hard road to take. It’s extremely difficult to co-parent with a lunatic. And though you may think now that he’ll never want anything to do with this baby, reality may come to smack you in the face one day when he files for custody. Or when he picks the child up for a visit and never returns.

I have 2 children with my abuser. The first time he pushed me I was 5 1/2 months pregnant. I can tell you exactly who abuses the mother of their child. A piece of shit, lower than any scum of the earth. And he will never change. IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE.

OTOH I have seen (in a friend) what it can do to a woman to go through with an abortion she does not truly want. It is heartbreaking for the woman. Guilt and hurt. It is another hard road to take. There is no easy way out of this. You have a choice to make and it’s really a matter of the lesser of two evils. I know what I would do, given my circumstances and experiences in life, but that doesn’t mean it’s what you should do. I would have the abortion.

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