(Closed) Confused proposal talk.

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@HelleCat:  I think he’s probably joking around because he doesn’t want to talk to you any more about it. I know it’s insensitive and he probably doesn’t realize how it feels for you, but to me this just sounds like his way of telling you to back off so he can plan something special.

Post # 5
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

He probably thinks since you have “so much time until then” (not realizing the amount of planning it takes) he’s dragging his tootsies.

Post # 7
Member
3421 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

*Marge Simpson Voice* MMM…. 

I don’t like that. Not. At. All. Saying that he May or May not propose is not a part of the surprise. The surprise is not IF i will marry you. The surpise is how I ask you to marry me! In my relationship (and I can only speak for my relationship) there is no question of “if” he is going to choose me. It is “when” is he going to thave the X amount of dollars available to purchase the symbol for that commitment. The surpise is how he is going to propose. not if he is going to propose!

There was an awesome bee a few weeks ago who likened it to a job interview. Either you got the job, or you don’t. He can’t keep you in limbo as if he is still making a decission.

I think you should express your upset and comfussion of his comment of “will I or wont I”. Because it is news to you that there would be any doubt that he will choose you. That sounds like a bigger question. If he is still mulling over if he even wants to commit to you then you guys need to have a serious convo.

I wouldn’t wait too long, personally to have this follow up convo

Post # 8
Member
1405 posts
Bumble bee

He was playing around.  Don’t turn a cute conversation into an argument.

Post # 9
Member
2743 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Disney

In defense of him you’re pushing him which is rude. You can propose if its that big of a deal otherwise you’re on his time line. Giving ultimatums is very childish and if you have to go that route your relationship isnt working.

Post # 10
Member
339 posts
Helper bee

This sounds a lot like my SO.  He likes to tease me and is a pain in the ass sometimes!  I would try not to take it to heart b/c men are clueless!

 

Post # 11
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Wait a little while and then have a talk with him.  Make sure it’s not a fight – a talk.  He was just playing around, so try not to be upset about that conversation.  But let him know that it’s a little hurtful for him to imply that he doesn’t know if he wants to marry you.  Stress that you want to marry him and you need to know that he has the same level of comittment, regardless of timeline, or you’re wasting your time.  Then as far as timelines go – just talk to him about what kind of wedding and honeymoon you want.  A big extravagant wedding?  Who is paying?  You’ll probably have to save up for a while for that and the honeymoon, and you aren’t putting away money for a wedding that “May or may not happen.”  And weddings take time to plan.  If you just want to run to the JOP and get hitched, he can propose on May 19, 2014, but if you both agree you want a church wedding and reception at a semi-popular place, you’ll need 6 months to a year to plan it, and that’s once you pick a firm date after announcing and discussing with all your family. 

My husband seriously had no clue that it could take a year to plan a wedding.  We had been talking about what kind of wedding we wanted and when we wanted it, but he thought we could throw that together in a couple months.  I ordered my dress a month after we got engaged and it showed up a month before the wedding (early)!

Post # 12
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@HelleCat:  My SO seems to brush off any sort of engagement talk becuase I KNOW he wants it to be a total surprise. To me, he seems like he could care less and doesn’t think about it but I know it’s because he wants me to have no idea it’s coming. Maybe this is the same for your SO?

Post # 13
Member
6743 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Sunflower–girl:  +1

He wants to surprise you and he doesn’t want you to expect that it’s coming.  Just relax and sit back and enjoy the ride.  You technically have until May of 2013 to start freaking out about wedding planning and there’s still another month and a half left before the end of this year.  Let him surprise you, that’s clearly what he wants. 

Post # 14
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

He’s clearly aware of what you want. Just let him do his thing now, it sounds like he wants to surprise you. If it doesn’t happen by the end of the year/early next year, then bring it up again.  YOu have plenty of time before the ultimate deadline of May 2014.

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