Post # 1
FYI: I was a regular poster on Weddingbee during my wedding planning, but have started a new account because a lot of my family knew my username.
I want to start out by saying that Hubby & I have been married for almost 2 years. We had discussed starting a family & had been trying for a few months. I recently found some text messages in Darling Husband phone to 3 different women. (I only found 3 & he only confesses to 3, not sure if there was more) Most messages were deleted so I didn’t get to see what they were talking about, but he did tell me that he talked about our relationship, having children & going through a divorce with these women. I also found some inappropriate messages to 1 of the girls. (but like I said there could have been more, those were all I found.)
I am devasted. I have never once in our 7 year relationship looked through his phone, email or Facebook accounts. I ALWAYS trusted him. I actually told numerous people on numerous occasions that I know he would NEVER do something like that and would NEVER cheat on me. I dumbfounded, emberassed and beyond upset.
I believe I am most upset that he didn’t communicate his unhappiness with me. I tried constantly to communicate with him. Conversations with him every week, asking him how he thought things were going. Asking him if he was happy. It was always the same answer: Yep, I’m happy, why are you?
He has finally agreed to go to counselling & tells me he wants to work on it. He said he didn’t realize that being in contact with other girls was considered “cheating.” Sometimes I wonder how I could marry someone dumb enough to not know what he did was considered cheating…..
I, of course, want to work it out. I love him, wanted to start a family with him & adore & trusted him. I am just unsure how I will ever trust him again. Something I had 100% confidence in him in is now ruined.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
Post # 3
Oh honey, I am so sorry. This is horrible. I am a cynic at heart so I never believe what I hear at face-level with these kinds of things. I mean when you get caught doing something rather then fessing, you have to back track & make things seem less hurtful then what they are.
Even though this is devastating you can recover. But it will take complete honesty from your husband. You can’t recover and then “oops” find something else he never disclosed or you’re back at square one.
I would ask for complete and total transparency. With phone, email, online activity and enter counseling together. I have seen other couples do it… as long as both parties are totally committed. I wish you the best of luck.
Post # 4
Oh Hon Im sorry to hear this.
I think counseling is a way forward. Have you tried contacting these women? I wouldn’t start a family until you have black and white answers either.
I was seeing a man I met over the internet. He told me he was seperated and made out his soon to be ex-wife was a complete crazy women. 8 months later, I discovered he had had a full blown afiar with me and I didnt even realize it. I just wish the wife at the time had phoned me up and we could spoke woman to woman. It would of saved us both from the liar. None the less they are back together and got a second child on the way. I know he will cheat again. I’m lucky I came out unscarred, I just wish the wife had aswell.
So maybe you should get in touch with the womena and see whatt hey have to say?
My heart goes to you at this time, no one deserves this xx
Post # 5
This kind of post is definitely an eye-opener, and I am so sorry you have to go thru this 🙁
I think it sounds like you both are going to take the proper steps and see if you can reappear what he has broken. You are a victim, and just had the rug pulled out from under you. This will take time for you, and my hope is that thru the counseling he not only gets to the heart of WHY he did it, etc, but gives you the time to heal.
Remember to take care of yourself. Yes, your immediate instinct may be to ‘fix’ him, but thru all of this, ensure you can get to a comfortable place with him once more. Ensure you are learning to trust him again, and not resent him, or have to a be a person second guessing what he is doing, etc. The reason I write that is because YOU DESERVE IT! You deserve to start a family with someone who will always respect the vows he took, and since you want it to be with him, then I hope it works out for you both 100% 🙂
Post # 6
Everything is fixable, he crossed a line but not THE line….you going to go all over the place emotionally on this, remember we all make mistakes, and stay focused on honesty, communication and each other.
Post # 7
🙁 so sorry hun. sending lots of hugs and support your way.
Post # 8
I’m sorry you’re going through that : (
I would go to counseling and try to fix it, but ultimately I wouldn’t want to start a family if there was a chance that it would be broken up down the road. This is NOT impossible fix, but it’s going to take a long time and a lot of work.
This may turn out to be a blessing if it wasn’t meant to be, but it’s still hard and I’m sorry you’re going through it. I think that it’s hard to know someone 100%. The people we trust the most sometimes hurt us, and learning to move on from that is hard, but important.