(Closed) Confused whether to invite these people.

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
9575 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

do you want them at your wedding?  then yes, invite them.

DH also has a huge group of friends.  he has a couple of people he invited to the wedding where he was not invited to theirs.  whatever the reason.  he wanted them at his, so he invited them.

on the flip side, we were also invited to numerous weddings where those people were not invited to ours. but we had a smaller wedding.

 

Post # 3
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

I would include the other two couples. He may not have been as close to them in 2013 as he is now, especially as you say he graduated & entered his career earlier- but now you all hang out so it would be awkward to exclude them simply because they didn’t invite him to a wedding 3 years ago. Or they may have had smaller weddings with only family & their very closest friends. Whatever the reason, it doesn’t sound personal and you’re all friends & hang out now, so I’d extend invitations to them. 

Post # 5
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

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socalgirl1689 :  They are all close now and they weren’t close to your Fiance (who it sounds like you weren’t even involved with at the time?) when they got married. So yeah- I’d invite them. I mean, I’m sure there are people you knew but weren’t close to a few years ago and now are close to, right? What does it matter what the relationship was like years ago when you are currently close?

Post # 7
Member
5780 posts
Bee Keeper

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socalgirl1689 :  I know I’m not the tagged person. But I ended up not inviting someone who had invited me to their wedding. It was someone I had been close to but haven’t seen in over a year and it’s become one of those situations where we just say “we should hang out” but when push comes to shove, nothing happens. I know she will be upset but we had to cut somewhere and people that I don’t see or talk to regularly I nixed. This does not inlcude people that live far away. I have family and friends in another country and they were all invited becasue distance is the only reason I haven’t seen them.

I feel like it’s best to make a list of EVERYONE on Excel first. Tally it up and see where you’re at. I listed people in order of family, friends that are like famliy. They were part of my non-negotiable list. Then I added and subtracted after that. Also if there’s only one couple out of a social group not invited that will make things awkward later when you are all hanging out and everyone is talking about an event they weren’t invited too. Two more isn’t much in the grand scheme of things.

Hope this helps!! The guest list was worst part of planning, once you’re done with that it’s easy after that !:D

Post # 8
Member
532 posts
Busy bee

Weddings shouldn’t be tit for tat.  If he wants those two couples at your wedding, invite them.  If he doesn’t want someone else (even if he or you attended their weddings in the past), don’t invite them.

Post # 9
Member
1410 posts
Bumble bee

Look at it this way- I was very close to two girls in 2013. We haven’t spoken in well over a year now, but I went to both of their weddings- would I invite them to mine, simply because I was invited to theirs? No. Because we’re not friends anymore.

Don’t not invite your hubby’s friends just because when they weren’t ‘as close’ he wasn’t invited for what cloud be any number of reasons…

Post # 10
Member
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
socalgirl1689 :  There’s no law that you have to invite everyone in a group, and in fact “friendship groups” are rarely rigidly defined.

Why did 2 of the guys not invite everyone in the “group”? I suspect it was a combination of money and group dynamics. They couldn’t afford to invite everyone in the group, so they only invite those they were close to. To me, that’s no big deal. No one is owed an invite.

So my answer would be: if you want the whole group there, invite them. It sounds like they are close to your SO, even though they didn’t give him a wedding invitation back in 2013.

Post # 11
Member
1146 posts
Bumble bee

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hampsterdance :  Was going to say this. Weddings aren’t tit for tat. You invite who you are close to at the time and want them to be a part of your special day. If you get married and then you meet new friends who are newly engaged, what would you feel if you guys got close and they didn’t invite you because “they weren’t invited to your wedding?”

Post # 12
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

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socalgirl1689 :  during my wedding I invited people I wanted at my wedding. That included people who didn’t invite me to theirs. I also didn’t invite some people who did invite me to theirs. You are REALLY I thinking this. You hang out with these people now. I assume you enjoy their company. Seriously, who gives a shit who they invited to a wedding that happened before you even knew them?

Post # 13
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Weddings are not tit for tat. There are people who’s weddings I was invited to that we’re not invited to mine because 1) they got married a long time ago when we were closer and in touch and that is no dAlonger the case 2) we didn’t have room for every friend we’ve ever had and chose to focus on the closest people in our lives. Similarly I do not expect everyone invited to our wedding to invite us to theirs when the time comes.

 

Post # 14
Member
731 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

View original reply
socalgirl1689 :  it could have been a budget,  venue capacity, or family politics thing. I gather you are a little miffed that your so was left out?

I don’t think being in a prior wedding or being invited carries any obligation for future weddings. I know it can seem weird or there may be old hurts, but it is what it is. As you will soon learn about weddings, it’s not always a call you get to make. 

Everyone has invite drama. We had some issues with my DH’s side going over and needing to cut family. That was Hella drama! But we were on a boat and had a capacity issue. You really do want a life vest for everyone! Perhaps there was only room for x people in the budget and they needed to cut somewhere. I wouldn’t take it personally, and you will most likely need to do something similar soon.

Post # 15
Member
6289 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

  I would invite these 2 friends.  Totally.

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