Post # 1
Hi bees !!
I am a wife for almost two years now .. and I was struggling and having troubles with my husband .I’m currently working as a teacher while my husband staying at home for one year .. he doesn’t want to work coz he wants to travel and try his luck abroad. I tried to understand all of these but I was being stucked paying everything . And it’s just so hard and I feel like giving up.
He was once told me , that if I can’t bear to live with him being jobless , then the door is widely open for me to leave and if it’s fine with me that he doesn’t have any job or not wanting to work at all , I am free to stay ..
And if I divorce him , he will make sure that I will not get any rights from our marriage.
Am I wrong to force him to look for a job and work?
Am I wrong to suggest him to work any kind of job even with a low salary , while waiting for his luck abroad ?
I was so depressed and in pain now coz the more I forced him the more he was paying attention to other girls which end up making a meet-up and talking through video calls.
Please I need your advice bees ..
If I am wrong , please tell me ..
God bless all of you.
Post # 2
You are not wrong. He is being lazy and selfish. Part of me thinks that he is bluffing with the “you’re welcome to leave” piece. But if my husband decided that his laziness/comfort was more important than being a team member and contributing to us, and told me I was welcome to leave if that upset me, I would find it hard to stay with someone that selfish and uncaring. Call his bluff–ask for a temporary separation and see if his tune changes when there is no longer somebody enabling his behavior.
Post # 3
Do you have a prenup at all? Becuae if you have supported him for your marriage you may end up needing to pay alimoney. I would encourage him to go and “travel and try his luck abroad”, as you said, whatever that means. Once he is gone, move on.
Post # 4
If the only reason you’re not divorcing him is because he threatened you in some way…. you should divorce him.
What kind of marriage rights would you be hoping to get in the event of a divorce?
Post # 5
hi liaeona , honestly this has been going on and never stops for two years now , he usually brought his friends at home till late in the morning which ends up sleeping in my home. Before I go to work , I need to clean up their mess . And he never do anything at home , he sleeps all the day and once awake he will spend his time with his facebook . Chatting with different girls and so on . Once I reached home from work , I need to clean , wash the dishes and cook . what I have to do . I love him so much but I really feel the tiredness this couple of months ago.
Post # 6
To jcent: I did everything to encourage him , but he can’t coz he doesn’t have money for he has been out of work for a year now . And my salary is just enough for our expenses and I can’t provide his travel expenses . I do not know how I will adjust myself carrying our house expenses , working at home and thinking about his travel .
His family already surrendered to him , coz he doesn’t want to work with his dad for awhile to save money and he doesn’t want to work now..
I don’t know what to tell him anymore.
Post # 7
Yeah…..your his mommy. I’d call his bluff. Someone mentioned alimony, I don’t think you’ve been married long enough to worry about that. See a lawyer. In the long run you’re better off without the leech.
Post # 8
- Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa
what does he mean by try his luck abroad? His luck with what? Has he made any concrete steps toward getting there?
Post # 9
sorry… why do you love him and why did you marry him? he sounds like a scumbag. Get your own bank account that he can’t access. Start putting your paychecks in it and stop funding his laziness. Eat dinner before you get home – oh sorry, I went out with the girls! Stop cleaning up his mess, and if he complains, tell him to do it himself. Heck, I’d even be inclined to set an alarm clock somewhere in the house so he has to find it to shut it up (though obviously that would only aggravate matters, so not really a good idea, just satisfying in the moment). You have clearly set no boundaries and are letting him walk all over you. If you don’t enjoy that life, then you need to leave. He’s got nothing to offer you anyway.
Post # 10
- Wedding: LA Athletic Club
Bee! You deserve so much better! He’s taking advantage of you and trying to manipulate you into paying everything for him. You’re just enabling him to continue to be a lazy and not contribute to anything. You need to respect yourself enough to leave him.
Post # 11
- Wedding: September 2014 - Merritt Winery
Anyone who uses the “if you don’t like it then leave” line is being manipulative IMO. Sorry you’re going through this!
Post # 12
Any husband who told me the door was open to me to leave for ANY reason would be talking to the crack of my ass as I was walking out said door. This man is not a catch. You deserve so much better.
Post # 13
I don’t think there’s anything to be confused by. You know what’s going on. He’s taking advantage of you, mooching from you, and guilting you into enabling him. He is not a husband or a partner, he is your bratty entitled child.
I’d take him up on that offer to leave. Marriages are partnerships.
Post # 14
I am so sorry you are going through this. He is being horrible to you. Please set up a meeting with an attorney to see how to preserve your rights and see what the lawyer says about alimony rights in your state. Again, I’m so sorry, this is heartbreaking.
Post # 15
He doesn’t work, isn’t helpful or kind, and is talking to other women?? That’s not okay at all. Definitely check with a lawyer.