(Closed) Confused wife :(

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
1042 posts
Bumble bee

You are not wrong. He is being lazy and selfish. Part of me thinks that he is bluffing with the “you’re welcome to leave” piece. But if my husband decided that his laziness/comfort was more important than being a team member and contributing to us, and told me I was welcome to leave if that upset me, I would find it hard to stay with someone that selfish and uncaring. Call his bluff–ask for a temporary separation and see if his tune changes when there is no longer somebody enabling his behavior. 

Post # 3
4066 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

Do you have a prenup at all?  Becuae if you have supported him for your marriage you may end up needing to pay alimoney.  I would encourage him to go and “travel and try his luck abroad”, as you said, whatever that means. Once he is gone, move on.

Post # 4
940 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

If the only reason you’re not divorcing him is because he threatened you in some way…. you should divorce him.

What kind of marriage rights would you be hoping to get in the event of a divorce?

Post # 7
27 posts

Yeah…..your his mommy. I’d call his bluff. Someone mentioned alimony, I don’t think you’ve been married long enough to worry about that. See a lawyer. In the long run you’re better off without the leech.


Post # 8
2002 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

View original reply
anna_met :   what does he mean by try his luck abroad?  His luck with what? Has he made any concrete steps toward getting there? 

Post # 9
6237 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
anna_met :  sorry… why do you love him and why did you marry him?  he sounds like a scumbag.  Get your own bank account that he can’t access.  Start putting your paychecks in it and stop funding his laziness.  Eat dinner before you get home – oh sorry, I went out with the girls!  Stop cleaning up his mess, and if he complains, tell him to do it himself.  Heck, I’d even be inclined to set an alarm clock somewhere in the house so he has to find it to shut it up (though obviously that would only aggravate matters, so not really a good idea, just satisfying in the moment).  You have clearly set no boundaries and are letting him walk all over you.  If you don’t enjoy that life, then you need to leave.  He’s got nothing to offer you anyway.

Post # 10
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: LA Athletic Club

Bee! You deserve so much better! He’s taking advantage of you and trying to manipulate you into paying everything for him. You’re just enabling him to continue to be a lazy and not contribute to anything. You need to respect yourself enough to leave him. 

Post # 11
921 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Merritt Winery

Anyone who uses the “if you don’t like it then leave” line is being manipulative IMO. Sorry you’re going through this!

Post # 12
2527 posts
Sugar bee

Any husband who told me the door was open to me to leave for ANY reason would be talking to the crack of my ass as I was walking out said door. This man is not a catch. You deserve so much better.

Post # 13
424 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think there’s anything to be confused by. You know what’s going on. He’s taking advantage of you, mooching from you, and guilting you into enabling him. He is not a husband or a partner, he is your bratty entitled child.

I’d take him up on that offer to leave. Marriages are partnerships.

Post # 14
6527 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
anna_met :  I am so sorry you are going through this. He is being horrible to you. Please set up a meeting with an attorney to see how to preserve your rights and see what the lawyer says about alimony rights in your state. Again, I’m so sorry, this is heartbreaking.

Post # 15
914 posts
Busy bee

He doesn’t work, isn’t helpful or kind, and is talking to other women?? That’s not okay at all. Definitely check with a lawyer. 


The topic ‘Confused wife :(’ is closed to new replies.

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