(Closed) Confused wife :(

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 16
1616 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018 - City, State

Divorce. Your only option is divorce. What a freeloading piece of shit.

Post # 17
5995 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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anna_met :  Whaaaat? Not only not working, but doing no house work, but spending his time chatting with girls online? I call that cheating. I think you need to kick him out as a minimum, maybe divorce.

I see you are in the Philippines so I’m not sure how it works there. I suggest you get legal advice or some other trusted advice from someone in your country. But I would hope a court would see your case favourably since he’s lazy and cheating. 

Post # 18
1560 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017


Post # 19
3791 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

The thing is that despite how much you love him, despite how much you want to make this work, he is manipulative and horrible.  Get the best lawyer out there and he won’t be able to screw you over.  This is a TOXIC situation.  Please get out.

Based on your previous posts too, this isn’t something new in your relationship.  I know you don’t want to start over, but you need to.  This man is horrible and any man who loves you would not do this to you.

Post # 20
6386 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

He’s dead weight, why would you stay?  What “rights” is he threatening you with?


Post # 21
1595 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
anna_met :  

You have been married for two years…you shouldn’t be under ANY obligation to financially support him at this point…pack your shit and LEAVE…he is USING YOU!!  If you stay, you CAN be under obligation to pay for him at some point depending on where you live.

Post # 22
7264 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

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leilarobs2 :  “talking to the crack of my ass” YES! and LOL!

OP- If I were you I would put him out. Are his parents still alive? Send him home to his mama. He is clearly not ready to be a grown up.

Post # 23
645 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
anna_met :  Would add other PPs advice:
– since he talk to other girls, try to secretly record the conversation (text, print screen, etc). You’ll need this befoer you talk to the lawyer because I think (hopefully bees that know legal matter can explain better than I do) makes legal things easier when  you request separate and divorce. Record enough proof first before you talk to lawyer.
– make sure you talk to lawyer first and figure out all the possible outcomes before talk about separation and divorce with him. Probably don’t want to change income account before getting to lawyer; I’d have my ducks in the row with the lawyer, get all paperwork ready, then when you are ready to press the trigger, then move all to your account *and then* tell him. That way he has no reason to be suspicious.

Post # 24
4066 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

View original reply
anna_met :  OP, he is a bum.  He is treating you like his mother and his maid and that is not a marriage.  And it is not okay.  If he is not interested in being your partner, you need to decide what you want here.  You are setting yourself for a life time of this.  

Post # 25
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Why are you married to him? What does “trying his luck abroad” even mean? Where? Doing what? 

Post # 26
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

What rights will he try denying you from the marriage?  

I’m sorry but I don’t think you can fix/save your marriage.  He’s manipulative and him telling you you can leave if you don’t like his attitude speaks volumes on how he views you.  Not only does he have no respect for you whatsoever, he also knows you wouldn’t leave him.  It’s like a win-win situation for him.  He can hurt you as much as he wants and it’s okay with him because he knows you’ll continue to support him.

I suggest you take up his offer and leave.  Marriage is a partnership but right now you are just his servant that’s pays him to be with him.

Post # 27
1979 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

WTF??? OP, if I was nearby,  I would first kick his ass for laziness,  truancy,  manipulative behavior,  mental abuse of spouse and for being a disgusting obnoxious pig.  Second,  I would kick your ass for allowing a disgusting pig to mooch off yourself,  to take advantage of you,  use you like an old rug and then threaten you.  Girl,  if you don’t want me coming over,  gather some balls and see a psychiatrist,  because your low self esteem does not allow you to kick this leech to the curb!  What he is doing is mental abuse,  and your eating it up,  like a bag of cookies.  This is not normal in a healthy marriage.  See a shrink first,  then see a lawyer!

Post # 28
9754 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

He need to be working. He’s not a child.

Also, he basically told you he really doesn’t care about you since he’s totally fine with you leaving him.

I would take him up on the offer to leave. He has no job, not like you’re losing much or wont be able to support yourself. 

Post # 29
6331 posts
Bee Keeper

Wow. As Dan Savage would say, DTMFA!

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