(Closed) Confused wife :(

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 47
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Aw bee my heart hurts for you, this is such a difficult situation… It’s great that you’re thinking about your parents and your cat so much, but I think you should start thinking of yourself too. I agree with the other bees that you should call his bluff and separate for a short while. Either he’ll realise what he’s missing and improve himself, or you’ll just have to leave him for good, but either is surely better than the situation you’re in now?

Lots of love and luck to you. I’ve never been to the Philippines, but I used to live in Taiwan for a short while, so knew lots of lovely people from there.

Post # 48
Member
957 posts
Busy bee

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anna_met :  Are you the bee whose father in law suggested or said he doesn’t know why you don’t leave his son? What are you spending your money on? Can you use your next check to get a ticket to go home? This relationship is killing you :-/

Post # 49
Member
612 posts
Busy bee

You really need to get out and also care for the cat. If you are comfortable PMing me your location I will help you look for women’s shelters and animal rescue groups that can either take the cat or provide food. 

I really think you need to get yourself and your cat to safety ASAP. Living like this is NOT ok.

Post # 50
Member
894 posts
Busy bee

I’m sorry your marriage is not a happy one. Leave him and find your true happiness.

Post # 51
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Your post has broken my heart. I’m so very sorry this terrible marriage and life has happened to you. I can only imagine what you are growing through. I hope you can stay strong and that you and your precious cat can make it out of this. I truely wish there was some way to help and it pains me greatly that all I can do is offer these words. Are there any other bees out there that have any experience in this type of situation? Immigration lawyers, maybe, that know how to help her at least get back to her home in the Phillipines?

Post # 52
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - Historic cinema

If you are in Dubai I found this organisation that can hopefully help you: http://www.dfwac.ae/services

 

I found this by googling “domestic abuse help in Dubai” If that’s not where you are, please make your own google search.

My heart is aching for you and I only wish there was some way to help you.

Post # 53
Member
1520 posts
Bumble bee

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anna_met :  Wow, this is a big mess and how he’s treating you is disgusting. He’s treating you like a mother, personal bank account and a maid, not a wife. I can’t get over who the heck he thinks he is!? 

Want my advice? Run as fast as you can because no good is going to come from this marriage, judging from what you have said. Even if you go along with all of this… Then what? Are you ok to up and move to whatever country he decides and be reliant on him? Are you ok with him basically cheating and making a mockery of your marriage vows? I don’t know whether he’s physically cheated on you, though possible, but he is definitely cheating on you emotionally and mentally. As well as being pretty abusive and manipulative towards you. 

You are definitely not wrong to feel this way, your essentially supporting his lazy ass, keeping him at home and letting him basically cheat on you. And then when he finally does decide to get a job he will be making you move to another country. I really don’t get the ‘don’t want to’ in not getting a job, because everyone would love to always have their friends over and never get up to go to work. Not kind of excuse there. There is a difference between being jobless where you want work and choosing to not because you can’t be assed. He knows your going to keep putting him up, so why would he need to when everything is already being paid? Same with the housework, why spend time on it when your going to do it anyway? 

Go see an attorney and see where you stand on all of this. Even if you don’t go ahead with it all now it’s best that you have all the information ready. Call his bluff, he sounds like he’s being manipulative to get things to stay as they are. He most likely won’t be singing the same tune when you do something. If he loved you he wouldn’t be threatening you like that. 

 

Post # 54
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee

I’m very sorry you’re going through this. I wish you could leave him but I know living in Dubai will make it a lot harder, both culturally/societally, and probably legally. He sounds like a horrible person, as does his family but he is sadly probably an average man for that culture and no one there thinks he is doing anything wrong. I’m from Singapore, and my family is Indian so I understand how it can be.

All I can say is I wish you the best, and I hope you manage to get out soon.

Post # 55
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2017

If you are here in the states I would talk to an attorney about an annulment.  You can seek one as you went into this marriage honestly and it seems he just wanted someone to take care of him which can be considered as fraud. If not seek the advice of an attorney where you live they are best to give you the details what you should do. 

If he loves you he wouldn’t be messing with other women! And if you leave you better grow a pair and make sure the attorney knows he threatened to make sure you would have to pay. He should get nothing.  Only what he came into the marriage with.   This is not your fault!

Post # 56
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think you should contact your friends and family in the Philippines and ask for money for a one way plane ticket home. You can pay them back over time once you get a job back home. Tell them that your husband is hitting you and treating you like a maid and a bank account, that his family is abusing you and your cat. You need to ask for help and run as far away as you can fro this man.

Post # 58
Member
1767 posts
Buzzing bee

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anna_met : If your marriage isn’t registered or “official”, don’t do it. Pack your stuff and leave asap.

Post # 59
Member
957 posts
Busy bee

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anna_met :  Don’t expect him to change. Please continue saving to leave. His abusive side will show up again and you need to be prepared to go. Best wishes. He shows many of the signs of an abusive man, including the wonderful promises.

Post # 60
Member
2021 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess

If I were you I would ask to be deported.

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