confused with proposal, or am I overthinking it?

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
1402 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I think you’re totally justified to feel a little disappointed with it being so off the cuff, although it definitely sounds like he is very serious about it and absolutley loves and intends to marry you. I would talk with him and say “honey, you asked me to marry you and I said yes, and that mean’s we are engaged! You don’t need a ring to be engaged!” Happily share with those you want that you are engaged and then get the right ring when it works best for you guys. My husband just held the ring out to me super excited and said “HERE!” and that was the whole proposal lol.  I was sad at first that he never actually asked the question, but looking back it’s very cute and SUPER doesn’t matter in the long run. I’ve been JOYFULLY married to him for 5 and a half years and wouldn’t have it any other way now.

 

Post # 17
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Honestly, I think these are the best proposals – spontaneous, heartfelt and sincere. Your heart is bursting with love and couldn’t contain it any longer. 

Think of this time as being secretly engaged. Enjoy it and when the “official ring” comes in – he can do the fancy “official proposal” thing. Then you have the best of both worlds. 

Post # 18
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2020

My husband proposed to his ex on a gondola ride in New Orleans, with “will you marry me” written in lights underneath her favorite bridge. They then got married in the house “Steel Magnolias” was filmed in because that’s her favorite movie.

He proposed to me at home at 3am with candles. Short and sweet and to the point. We got married on 3/26/20 on a pier with my coworker acting as amateur photographer and her husband officiating.

He and the ex didn’t work out, she was living a lie and pretending to be something she wasn’t –straight– and it was terrible for her the entire time because she was deep in denial and scared. No romantic proposal or beautiful symbolic wedding could have made it any easier or made their marriage last a lifetime.

I LOVE our story. I love that we kept it simple. He made my proposal so special and our wedding was perhaps not what we’d planned but it says a lot that we refused to let a global pandemic get in our way. We couldn’t wait. We wanted to be husband and wife.

And believe me, the fun and romance of your story is all in how you tell it to people. Put a spin on it and it’ll be a great one. Seems to me you have a wonderful man BURSTING with enthusiasm to be your fiancé. That’s so great and I know you feel lucky. So tell it that way, Bee. 🙂

Post # 19
Member
451 posts
Helper bee

I think it’s sweet that he just couldn’t wait to propose to you. It doesn’t seem that you both were sloppy drunk where you don’t even remember what happened the next day. You both remembered, he was serious about it, got you a placeholder ring to show how serious he was. 

Post # 21
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee

You have every right to feel dissapointed. But I thibk the way he proposed was sweet. The fact that he got the placeholder the next day saved the story for me. Maybe you can discuss about another proposal once the proper ring arrives? Or could be that he is running that since he is waiting to tell others?

Post # 22
Member
3718 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I get where you are coming from. The first two times my husband proposed to me it was very casual and sudden. The first time was after a fight. He said, “I think we should get married while we are vacationing in Hawaii.” The second time he was just “We should get married.” I told him that after 20 years of dating (yes, I’m serious), I wanted a real proposal with a ring. So, he gave me a real proposal–it was at home and very casual, but he did plan it out and he did have a ring. That was just something that was important to me.

Post # 23
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2021

View original reply
curiouskitten :  Congrats on your intimate & spontaneous proposal! Personally, I think those are more romantic stories anyway 😉

Completely agree with everything 

View original reply
Hell-0hell-0 said. If/when you get the “traditional ring proposal”, it’ll be another part of your awesome engagement story.

Post # 24
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee

It’s understandable you sort of feel like you’re on layaway, but at the same time, he doesn’t want to lose you, so he did the best he can for now. Let him know you want some thought put into the moment he plans to present the ring. He’s probably not proud of the proposal, and doesn’t want to explain himself to family and friends. 

Post # 25
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee

Right now, your status is “secretly engaged”- congrats! I have an idea: stay excited (because you have a secret 😉), and tell him you want a do-over! Plan something special, together. Even if you know what’s going to happen, it will still be special. 

Do you think you could come up with a ring budget right now? Calculate whatever you can afford today, and look around together. There are perfect choices for every budget. Make it fun- if you’re shopping online, make a date to look online together, in your price range. Go to an antique store, or even the next biggest town to a nice vintage jewelry store.  (This site is a great resource for where to look if you give us your budget and location.) Then, on the day you have a ring in-hand, he gets it polished and appraised while you get dressed and meet at a restaurant. Call ahead and tell them you want a special table for 2, with candles. Then give him a chance to look you in the eyes, stone cold sober, and ask his important question, and put a ring on it. Then call your parents, friends, whoever, post it on Insta, everything! Tell him it’s important to you, you want to get off on the right foot. Nothing wrong with that! 

Best wishes to you both!

Post # 26
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee

Geez, have you seen the movie “Adrift”?! The guy popped the question before he meant to, with “Did I just ask you to marry me in the voice of my dead mother?”!

Just sayin. 

Post # 27
Member
630 posts
Busy bee

I think you have a right to be a little disapponted- I would be. But he is doing all the right things and once the ring comes in ask him to do something special then. 

As for whether you want to start telling people or not, I think that’s up to you – you are engaged, just would you rather wait for when you have the ring and the story?

Post # 28
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee

I understand being underwhelmed by a drunk proposal but it sounds to me like he may do another “official” proposal when the ring is done so I would try to keep an open mind. I’m basing this on how excited and on top of the ring buying plan he is now and also him not telling people you are engaged yet until the ring. It sounds like he is the romantic type normally and wants to wait until everything is “done properly” first before any big engagement announcement. 

Post # 29
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

You are not overreatcing. I would be annoyed too… I would definitely talk to him about it and not bottle it up. Being resentful will ruin your relationship

Post # 30
Member
5 posts
Newbee

First I wanna agree with almost everyone that you have a right to all your feelings about this – especially bc basically all of us are conditioned our whole lives to have certain expectations about this moment. It makes all the sense in the world to feel like that 

We got engaged almost the same way, drunk in the middle of the night and on the street off a really busy boulevard. He actually took off a piece of jewelry I was wearing that he had already given me and put it back on me! One person walking by couldn’t believe what they were witnessing bc it was the least romantic spot imaginable. We never even got a different placeholder ring after that – it took him like 8 months to save for the kind of ring we both wanted and we didn’t tell anyone that whole time 

Also he wanted to plan a romantic official thing once the ring came and I refused bc it would have felt weird to me so we literally went to the jeweler when it was ready and came home with it. But if you want a second proposal with more planning I think you should really convey that to him so he understands your wishes – you should have what makes you feel special. Especially since you know he’s capable of it..

I love our engagement story more than literally anything. I can’t imagine anything better bc it was very “us,” every part – my opinion is – it’s your story you should do whatever you want with it, plan it out together, or tell him your needs then wait to be surprised, do like three do-overs until it feels right to you both – who cares as long as you feel loved and wanted at the end!  

Congrats on your engagement and on your unfolding engagement story!! 

 

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