Post # 31
wbparker: This – especially if you’re paying for the dress.
You’re paying, you get final say. I get that it may not be her ‘vision’ but its not her day and its not about her showing off her figure or landing a man. You’re being very generous by paying for their dresses and considering changing your vision for them.
I don’t think any kind of conversation is needed – put your foot down and have that be the end of it. She doesn’t have to be happy about it – she has to show up and stand next to you and witness your marriage as a good friend should.
Besides which, how many hours is she realistically going to be in this dress for? 8? 12? Suck it up for the few hours and then she can put the dress in the back of the closet after the wedding and move on.
Post # 32
Yes, pretty much what most people said. It isn’t a easy dress to wear unless one is very tall and thin, but if you really want it and you’re paying for it, just stop talking about it to her. No need to get too concerned, its not that dramatic a situation as she has said she will wear it.
Oh and don’t be too harsh on her for wanting to look hot and maybe meet a nice guy . Pretty normal behaviour after all. Your wedding is only really all absorbing to you, not her . Also pretty normal !
Post # 33
I agree with PPs who mentioned letting the maids choose a style of dress that flatters them most individually vs dictating a single style dress. But as youre paying for it, I think that trumphs the argument.
Is this the first wedding Allie has been a bridesmaid in? It sounds like it! I think it would be nice if she was allowed to bring a date however I have stood up in 9 weddings and I think its actually more fun and less stressful to NOT bring a date just because with your bridesmaid duties and even if you are seated at the head table and your date isnt, you may not see much of him anyway!
Post # 34
OP, keep your dress and don’t change it. Its what you like, you have seen it on the other three maids and said you liked it. She can go try it it on to get sized and send you a pic like everyone else. Then you can see if it looks bad, which I doubt. You are paying for their dresses, so you get to decide what they wear. Don’t let her push you into changing your mind. She can either get on board with it or come to your wedding as a guest.
To the pps who said you should have given your maids an option or let them decide, I think that is only valid when the maids are paying for their own dresses.
Post # 35
ktk1ns: You are paying for the dress? Then you just need to tell her this is the dress she is wearing. If she has an issue with it, she can step down or get over herself.
Post # 36
I voted the first option (find another dress) but suggest you stick to your guns with whatever decision you ultimately make. If you stick with this dress, I wouldn’t even have another convo with her about it. She’s said her piece already.
Post # 37
- Wedding: June 2015 - Malibou Lake Mountain Club
ktk1ns: jesus! That is a GORGEOUS bridesmaids dress. Seems like she wants this to be about HER. She is clearly very young, naive and self-centered. I’d do a “take it or leave it.” You dont need that stress, ESPECIALLY from a bridesmaid. They are suppose to help with the stress, not give you stress. When it’s her day, let her decide. For now, she needs to suck it up or not be in it.
This happened with my Sister who is wedding prepping, and she was close to asking the bridesmaid to not be in it because it was gettinf ridiculous. She sucked it up at the end.
Post # 38
I think this dress is gorgeous and you are super sweet to be so concerned about all your BMs feelings. That being said, it wouldn’t be flattering on my shape either, and I would feel frumpy.
Is it possible she could have it slightly altered- maybe take the top in a little so it isn’t so loose? You’d still get matching dresses and nobody will notice the alterations because it will fit everyone differently anyway. That seems like a win-win.
Post # 39
shash: Thank you for your understanding!! It’s so stressful to be stuck between wanting people you love to be happy but also wanting to go with your own taste on your wedding day. That’s a great idea with the structured waist – I’ll look into that. Our dress consultant also mentioned that this dress is a great canvas for alterations, so she could potentially have the neckline opened up a bit more and the bodice section made a little less blousey.
I hope you and your Maid/Matron of Honor are able to come to a decision that makes you happy!! I think once the girls know what they’re wearing they all figure out a way to be happy on the big day. 🙂
Post # 40
Thank you EVERYONE for your input!!! I so appreciate having a sounding board to figure these things out without having to run crying to my mama every time. 😛
After a couple weeks of frantically reconsidering everything, I ultimately ordered the Joanna August Tina dress that I originally wanted, for all four maids. I invited Allie over for a girls’ night and pretty much off the bat said “Look, I love you and I’m SO happy you’re going to be in my wedding with me. I’ve decided to go with the original bridesmaid dress. I know it’s not what you might choose for yourself, but we’re going to both be in kind of silly and totally not normal dresses and we’ll dance and have a great time and I just can’t wait. Are you ok with everything?”
She immediately let the whole thing go, saying that she even had second thoughts about ever voicing her concerns so strongly in the first place. We hugged, we put on the “Bridesmaids’ getting ready” playlist we’ve been assembling, and danced it out.
Thank you all again for your wisdom!! <3
Post # 41
i know you’ve sincerely given this a lot of thought I am kinda torn in my opinion. On one hand you are paying for it and it’s your choice – I myself have worn dresses I have hated because it went with the wedding vision. However, being tall with an hourglass figure myself I know this dress would not suit my figure at all. The length is great and being tall it would look statuesque. But the bodice and neckline don’t suit an hourglass figure and the waist is not defined enough to flatter. I have worn a similar dress and it lools disproportionate on me and makes me look way to top heavy
Post # 42
The bottom line is that YOU are paying for the dress and it is YOUR wedding. It is of no cost to her and your wedding is not the place for her to worry about “trendy” attire. The dress is beautiful and if you like it, I would stick with it. If she wants to be in charge of bm dresses, she is more than welcome to do so for her own day. Stick with the dress, bee.