(Closed) confusing situation with much younger SO (no flames please, only advice)

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Age is a number, IMO! You can’t help who you love, and I don’t think it’s silly to be envisioning marriage and a family with him. You both obviously share similar passions and ideas of life. That’s huge! 🙂

As for his talk of a proper proposal, I am sure he just means that he wants to do it right. He probably wants to have that time to pick out your perfect ring, to give you some excitement and romance as well. Guys can be really crafty!

Fiance and I had talked about getting married for quite some time before he popped the question. He completely took me by surprise with it, and it will be a moment in my life I will never forget. I am sure that is what your SO wants for you.

Enjoy your time together and things that are meant to be will happen. Don’t give up on what your want though. If you have concerns about having a baby before a certain age, you should discuss this with him. Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My Fiance is 20 years older than I am, and like you we started out thinking it was just a fling, because the chemistry was irresistable. But the longer we stayed together; and when I travelled back with him to his summer home on the other side fo the country, our love deepened and grew. 3 years later he proposed.

What I think is absolutely crucial to overcome the age gap is recognizing it and how it changes things. While it’s better when everyone else says “age is just a number”, for the two of you it cannot go undiscussed. It needs to be addressed very clearly in ALL of your future plans, because it will affect your timelines.

I beleive an age difference is in no way a dealbreaker; but it does require an extra degree of open, honest communication and compromise, not just in this case, but in many situations for the rest of your lives together.

Post # 5
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

The immigration issue I think creates much more of a challenge than the age difference.  That stuff is inherently stressful and time consuming and expensive. But it can be done!  A year and a half together isn’t a huge amount of time – especially to a guy in his mid 20s – so as long as he’s willing to talk about the future with you, I’d say things are on a good trajectory.

Post # 6
Member
658 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I get what you are saying…he back tracked on something you spoke about and time is important due to the fact that you want to have children. You might have to explain the need/want to have children and ask for a timeline.

Post # 7
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

You are not stupid! I am only 2 years older than my fiance, but he was 23 when he proposed to me and will be 24 when we get married.  I told him that I would like to have children by a certain age so we had to get married by a certain time. He completely understood and we are always honest with eachother.  Its all about being totally honest with him.  Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
415 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

It doesn’t sound like an issue of commitment, but of timing.  I am the same age as you, and I know how the biological clock ticks (that seems like too soft of a word, POUNDS, maybe!).  For a guy, they can have babies into their seventies.  Add to that that he’s just 25, and there could be a major disconnect.  I’m not trying to be negative, just realistic.  Some 25 yr old guys are totally anxious for a family, is he one of them?  How have your conversations about these things gone in the past?  One thing about a lot of guys (and ladies) is that they’ll say anything to get the person they love, but sometimes once they have them things change.

I think you should have some deep conversations when you see each other in 2 weeks (this is not the type of thing to do over the phone if possible).  Make sure he understands where you are, not in that you want to rush but that the reality of age is setting some tighter deadlines for you than for him.  You need to figure out if he’s really ready for all of that, and not just saying it because he doesn’t want to lose you.

Post # 12
Member
415 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Thanks for the update, yay!!  I hope he follows through and you have all the best from him in the future!

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