Post # 1
We are finalizing our guest list, and I’m wondering:
Do you list the person you are friends with in the couple first, even if it is female (most ettiquette shows married couples with the man’s name first, but we don’t know the husbands of some of the guests).
Ex: If I am friends with Jane Smith and her husband is Joe Jones (they kept separate last names) whom I have never met, do I still address it:
Mr. Joe Jones and Ms. Jane Smith
Post # 2
I am wondering this too! So commenting to follow. Sorry I’m not any help 🙁
Post # 3
i’d follow what feels right to you. i have a handful of female friends who have SO’s that are unmarried but her name is going first, she is who i know and he is blessed tobe dating such a wonderful lady, hahaha
typical ettiquette puts the man first but its 2015 and its YOUR wedding.
Post # 4
I honestly didn’t follow whatever traditional etiquette was in this situation and I believe we listed women first in every couple, regardless of shared last names/marital status. We have a lot of lesbian friends also (we are a lesbian couple and definitely not traditional) and I think I listed the names alphabetically in terms of last names in that circumstance. You might get more traditional etiquette responses here, but I did it my way and I doubt it upset any of our friends or family, so I’m for doing it how you would like to 🙂
Post # 5
The internet contains a great deal of terrible advice on this subject. Do not give any credence whatsoever to the terrible advice to “list the person you are friends with in the couple first”. or “list first the person whom you know the best”. As hostess, every one of your guests should be at least an acquaintance, and you should be treating them all equally as welcome friends. Proper etiquette does nothing to advertise to any guest, that you consider him less a friend than his wife or girlfriend is.
Two good rules exist, and you may choose which you want to follow based on whether you would rather be egalitarian or traditional.
The egalitarian rule is to list the names of the guests in alphabetical order, regardless of their gender.
The traditional rule is to put the gentleman’s name first for couples that are living at the same address, and to send two separate invitations to the two members of any couple who are not cohabiting — each to his or her own address. Ignore the mistaken advice that puts “ladies first”. While that is true in casual and intimate situations, in any situation where a gentleman can make the lady more comfortable or safer by “taking point”, then he is responsible to step forward. This applies when pushing your way to a booth across a crowded bar, or when finding a safe path through the cow-droppings in a farmyard, or when virtually flying across the continent on the back of an envelope together. So, while an informal invitation for example is addressed to “Juliet and Romeo”, the outside envelope is addressed to “Mr Capulet and Ms Montagu”.
So, yes, “Mr. Joe Jones and Ms. Jane Smith” is absolutely correct.
Post # 6
cpa333: According to Miss Manners, you list them in alphabetical order.