- 2 years ago
Thank you all for your responses! Just wanted to put it out there that I am not expecting people to pay for these things; I just wanted to share my overall insights that small costs DO add up for stuff if you have more than a couple bridesmaids, especially if they are out of state. And to those who say “why are you doing all this?” – it’s because A) ok yes I like this stuff but also B) my “nearest and dearest” friends have never had the opportunity to meet each other. Hence, I wanted to do little things that would help make this occasion special for them (ex: getting gifts and matching robes, springing for hair and a shared hotel room with me, even though I can’t afford springing for makeup and shoes too).
skunktastic : beethree : Yes, I do understand they are extras. But they are also pretty common for large / formal weddings (or even smaller ones), so I don’t think it’s wrong of me to include these costs. That’s awesome that your Fiance was able to match your bridal party size! Honestly yeah I think 2 would have been better in hindsight…oh well. Hence my Public Service Announcement haha.
MissCtoMrsR : I don’t think I ever said anything besides the “gifts” were gifts? I understand that hair, robes, and bouquets are not gifts. And I don’t expect anyone else besides me to pay for them. I just said they were incurred expenses that should all be considered into the overall cost of having a bridal party. It’s easy for this stuff to just rack up over time without realizing.
Daisy_Mae : beethree : Hmm…yes, perhaps. To be honest, I’ve never been in a wedding before so I really didn’t know the ins and outs of what is expected or what is typical ettiquette with bridal parties. I thought it was a totally normal and expected thing for the bride to pay for stuff like robes/gifts/bouquets/hair/makeup/luncheon and for the BMs to pay for dress/hotel/travel and any pre-wedding stuff they can handle and want to do. My situation was a little different because originally my BMs agreed to the hotel and dress and then later they had issues, so I incurred additional costs on top of stuff I had already told them I would pay for. Now I know.
djbeats : Hmm…may I ask why? The reason I said money was because most of my bridesmaids are students or recent graduates. Shouldn’t any friend be considerate of people’s life situations before asking them to take on a responsbility? And they are my nearest and dearest.
psyche1978 : Absolutely! Oh no, I’m sorry to hear about your bad experience in your first wedding :(. To be honest I think it’s a tradition that people tend to leave out as they get older and maintain fewer friendships.
beethree : Sorry, but it sounds like you are being a bit snarky – like I said, many of my Bridal Party are (Asian or South Asian) immigrants (where this is NOT part of the culture) so they literally did not know that being an attendant meant wearing a matching outfit and walking in a line and having a special role in the ceremony/reception. Most of them have never been in a wedding before and some of them did not know that usually the Bridesmaid or Best Man herself covers the cost of her own dress. That is what I meant by “American bridal party concept”. In addition to this, yes, I know that the pre-wedding stuff (dress fittings, engagement party, bach party, shower, luncheon, etc.) and also bouquets, robes, etc. are not required but enough people do have them and these things are very eminent in contemporary American media and culture so it’s not totally out of the ballpark to want these things. Just as a small example – every single photo group photo I’ve seen in my wedding photographer’s portfolio featured matching dresses, bouquets, and/or getting ready shots with robes so why would I be wrong to assume that this is fairly normal and common? I have not been in anyone else’s wedding before and did not have enough firsthand experience to know how common it is or isn’t in reality. All I wanted to do was share my insights and things I’ve learned from the process in case anyone is on the fence about having a bridal party. Thanks for your thoughts.