(Closed) Considering a Timeline

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1580 posts
Bumble bee

I think before you go setting a timeline you should talk to your boyfriend about your future. Just ask him what he’s thinking. And tell him what you’re thinking.

Post # 4
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Have you two specifically talked about getting married and set and concrete plans?  Do you say ‘when we are married’ in conversation?  I think a timeline is a pretty personal thing but I would make sure that you are on the same line so he knows that you are wanting to get married and then you leave the ball in his court.

Post # 5
Member
456 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I dont think anyone but the two of you can determine a timeline, but it certainly doesn’t sound like you should be worried about being “that girl” by asking him where he stands on marriage/children.  It sounds like you guys have a supportive and close relationship, and you should feel comfortable asking him what he sees for the future.  I know you want him to bring it up, but it might not be realistic to be secretly hoping for an engagement this summer if you haven’t told him how you feel (about the marriage part, not the relationship).  There are ways to bring it up without actually having to bring it up, ya know?

 

 

Post # 6
Bee
2362 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden

I agree that I don’t think there is a right timeline.  I know you said that you don’t want to bring it up, but it may simply not be on his radar that you’re thinking about this, and you can bring it up like inquiring to see if you’re on the same page – not if he’s also planning a 2011 wedding!  It may be good to spark this conversation now – but the only timeline that is right for you guys is the one that you come up with together!

Post # 7
Member
2066 posts
Buzzing bee

Talk to Fiance.  Tell him how much you love him and want to spend your futures together.  If you want to be surprised, tell him you don’t want specifics, but you need to know that your relationship is heading twords engagement in the next 6 months, or whatever your timeframe is.

I think the timeframe you posed above is very reasonable.  You’ve been together 18 months.  You’ve been livng together for 9 months.  You are both in your 30s with careers.  I’d say its reasonable to expect an engagement any time now. 

Post # 9
Member
2066 posts
Buzzing bee

OK, not I better understand your question.

I’m 32.  Fiance is 38.  We dated a year, then got engaged.  We will be engaged a year before getting married.  I wanted to be suprised, so we’d talked about getting married, but not exactly when we’d get engaged.  I was going to give him a few more months, then bring it up. 

How long you wait out a proposal is up to you.  But you need to make sure he understands that is something you need for your relationship to continue (it sounds like you aren’t okay dating forever). 

Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
2410 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

My timeline was exactly the same as texasmeredith although we moved in together after 9 months of dating. Even though the engagement was surprising, we had discussed it at length since the 4th month of our relationship. I think marriage aside, it is okay to start talking about plans for the future and making sure you are both on the same page.

Post # 11
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

It seems reasonable to me to expect an engagement soon.  You two have been together almost two years and living together for a year, so that seems like enough time together to know if you want to get married, but everyone is different, so obviously no one can know for sure except you and your guy.  I would definitely talk to him about it, and just maybe let him know that you’re interested in spending your life with him and wonder if he feels the same and if your relationship is leading towards marriage.  His answer should give you a clue on what he’s thinking and when it might happen.

I was seriously impatient waiting for my now-husband to propose to me and I waited waaaay longer than I wanted to, but I knew ahead of time that our relationship was leading towards marriage and that he did want to marry me – he just wasn’t ready yet.  As long as I knew he was OPEN to marriage and that he wasn’t going to make me wait five years, I was okay with it.  But I was in my 20s, so your length-of-time-to-wait will probably be different than mine, and hopefully your boy will be ready sooner than my boy was since he’s older.

Good luck!

Post # 12
Member
806 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Don’t worry so much about needing to be “cool” or not being “that girl” –  keeping your mouth shut isn’t going to get you anywhere.  It’s 100% fair for you to speak up about your hopes and needs.  In a solid relationship w/ a mature man, you can state your needs without laying on the pressure or having him interpret it as that.

I think a general future oriented discussion is definitely overdue.  Does he see himself marrying you?  (Assuming he says of course).  Then you can ask when he thinks would be a good time for that to happen.  (He probably says Gee I Don’t Know).  Then you say, I was thinking it might be nice to be engaged by this time next year (or whatever).  Then he reacts to that. 

In my opinion, you’re right, engagement talk (if not actual engagement) is perfectly sane 18 months into a relationship, considering your ages.

Post # 13
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I say speak up and ask him if he had any idea on a timeline for a proposal? For me the timeline seems very reasonable, but boys are a different creatre! My partner has certain things he wants sorted before he proposes – such as our finances – it is all about him being comfortable in becoming a husband.

Good luck with the talk – let us know how you go!

Post # 15
Member
806 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think any girl would agree it would be more romantic and special if he brought it up on his own and proposed with no prompting, but if that’s what happens to you in the next few months, you’d probably be in the small minority.  Honestly, to me, it seems totally normal for a couple to discuss these things – at least in general terms- before they happen.  I think the risk you take, is he is a typical clueless guy and has *no idea* you were hoping for something so soon (18 months is by no means a “long time” particularly to a guy).  So in another 6 months you have this talk and start from ground zero (vs. you could have planted the seed in his head now, and be a lot farther along 6 months from now, if not engaged).  Since timing is already weighing on your mind, why delay?  Just a thought.  Just because you have a discussion about future goals, doesn’t mean you have to put him on a timeline, and doesn’t mean he can’t “take it from there” and surprise you with when/where/how he proposes.  Whatever you decide, good luck!  This phase is tough to navigate for sure.

Post # 16
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

i guess the best thing is to initiate.no use waiting for him to bring it up.oh if u feel like ur for lack of a better word,clock is ticking.consider saving eggs .that might put ur mind at ease about the kid thing.no reason u should forgo not being a mom if things dont go according to ur time plan

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