(Closed) Considering adoption after hitting age 35 ish.

posted 5 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
2542 posts
Sugar bee

After seeing our friends go through the adoption process and how amazing it was when they got their daughter, I would definitely consider adoption if I could not conceive. 

Post # 5
Member
1966 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

We have a daughter but if we didn’t and had fertility issues we would definitely adopt. I know a few couples who have & they’ve had such amazing experiences. My ttc cut off age would be be 32. 

Post # 6
Member
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@candy11:  I am turning 31 next month, and I am not where I want to me with my career so I am going back to school. I don’t think I will be done for at least another 3 years, and so because Fiance and I are still on the fence about kids, I told him that if by then we decide and  it’s too late we can look at adoption. That decision took alot of pressure off actually, I don’t have to cut the experience of being a parent out of the picture totally! I don’t think it will be a problem though, my mom had me when she was 35, and HER moth had my uncle when she was in her 40’s! I know that’s not a guarantee, but it is an assurance!

@MsSparklyBee:  Just out of curiosity, why 32?

Post # 8
Member
11343 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I didn’t meet the right person until I was almost 46, and I was 47 by the time I was married, so I don’t really have an age limit.

However, we also have not taken, and will not be taking, any extraordinary measures to try to conceive.

Post # 9
Member
1966 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@nambi_pambi:  Maybe its bc I have a young mom which I love (she was 20 when i was born). Just never wanted to be 50+ when my kids we’re just getting out of high school, then older for college, etc. Weddings, grandkids, great grandkids. I want to be around for all of it! Just don’t want to miss anything. Fi grandparents were super old & passed away when he was a little boy. He has hardly any memories of them. Some people may think that’s a stupid reason to want to be done by that age but that’s how I feel. Of course it could be for nothing bc something horrible could happen at anytime!! Just never know! 

I’ll add that if we weren’t ready or financially stable we wouldn’t have had kids to beat the timeline! Would’ve made a new timeline. 

Post # 10
Member
2542 posts
Sugar bee

@GeekChic:  I’ll be 28 soon and we were hoping to start TTCing this year, but decided it was in our best interest for me to go back to school for a year to upgrade some of my skills before we have a baby. So we’ll likely be starting around 29.

My cut off would probably be around 35 just because of the increased risks after that age. I also don’t know that I’d be interested in IVF or anything like that if I had difficulties. If we couldn’t conceive on our own, we would likely go the adoption route.

Post # 11
Member
7229 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@candy11:  My SO & I are considering adopting regardless of fertility. I’ve always had a heart for it and so has he. Neither of us feel like we have to “pass on our genes”, but both have a strong desire to be parents and just love children. 

Some things we’ve been thinking about- children form long-term memories around the time they can string together a 3-4 word sentence. What that means for adoption is, if you adopt your kid at 2 they won’t remember anything besides you being their parent. If you adopt them at 4, they will remember meeting you. That’s interesting and an odd thing to think about. If you’re willing to adopt older children (>2years) you’ll have an easier time finding placement (if going through the county or something). Same goes if you’re open as far as race/gender. My SO is Filipino, I’m Mexican, my nephew is half Black, my cousin is half White…. we don’t really care about the race of our future children. Regardless, there’ll be SOMEONE in the family who looks like them. 🙂

Personally, I think 4 would be my cut off, but we’re not 100% yet. We go back & forth on gender order. I’m the oldest of 2 girls and was always jealous of my favorite cousin, who had an older brother. My SO is the older brother & feels like there’s too much pressure on the oldest who is a boy. Given that, we’ll probably just say we’re open and leave it up to chance like we would for a bio kid. 

Post # 12
Member
887 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MexiPino:  your views on adoption are really interesting and enlightening 🙂  I don’t think adoption is something we would consider as a couple but I am always really happy to know that there are people out there who would. There are adopted people of various races (adopted as older children) in my extended family and I love the cross-cultural dynamic we have going on and the cool ways that it influences get-togethers. I’m always kinda side-eyeing people who say ‘oh I want to adopt a baby because why should I make a baby of my own when there are just so many babies who need loving families’. Riiight… you mean, there are so many children OLDER than babies who need loving families. Adoptable babies are, more commonly, highly coveted by many competing couples who desparately want the freshest possible of adoptees!

Post # 13
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@candy11:  I always said that I would be happy to adopt but having talked to a few people it seems to be something that is very difficult and time consuming. A friend who is one year into The process has told me it takes at least five. There are no adoptions in our country so they need to be done abroad and a lot of countries won’t allow adoptions to Ireland. really hope conception isn’t an issue.

Does anyone know how long it usually takes in the US?

 

 

 

Post # 14
Member
2654 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@candy11:  We have a cutoff point for TTC of about 3yrs from now, give or take and depending on the circumstances over that time period. Fiance is 50, so obviously it’s not ideal to have him be a first time parent right now let alone years from now. However, we are also planning to adopt regardless of TTC success. I have always wanted to adopt older kids, preferably siblings, and he is 100% excited about the plan. Honestly we would have started the process for adopt already if not for finances (one income family at the moment) and the decision to try for a biological child.

Post # 15
Member
2654 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@phoebephoebo:  According to adoptionhelp.org, the average time for adopting an infant domestically in the US is 12 months with most ranging between 6-18months depending on things like being open to adopt a child of a specifc vs any ethnic background.

Post # 16
Member
8487 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

I definitely want to adopt, regardless of if we’re able to have our own children. Two of my best friends are adopted, so that might have something to do with my desire to adopt.

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