(Closed) Considering Adoption – Any advice or valuable resources?

posted 4 years ago in Adoption & Surrogacy
Post # 16
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

i recommend reading cathy glass books also what of people dont realize how cheap it is to adopt through the public system vs private and the fact that your open to older children will also make your process signifigantly faster i have tons of stuff saved on pinterest pinterest.com/sarajeni 

Post # 19
Member
560 posts
Busy bee

Hi, 

I know you posted this few months ago, but I’m adopted and thought I’d share! 

My sister and i were actually adopted from Russia about 16 years ago. I was 10 and my sister was 8. I don’t think we had hard time with attachment to our new parents. While I did grow up with physical abuse from my Biological parents and from orphanage I didn’t have any behavioral issues when I got adopted. I will say my younger sister does have attachment disorder, but I don’t think she notices it really. She gave her cat up that she’s had for 12 yrs with no issue or emotion because it wasn’t fitting into her new life. She also doesn’t really have any friends, but she’s very sweet person. I guess  shes just socially akward.  My sister and I love that we got another chance at life with loving family! We lost my Mom to cancer about 2 years ago now. My sister got married last year and I’ll be getting married in October! 

Msg if you have any questions! 🙂 

Post # 20
Hostess
8149 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

A friend of mine and my DHs adopted a young set of brothers (they live in PA and the adoption was “free” esstentially because of the amount of care these kids needed. They were very unwanted). The older boy was VERY violent, and the younger one had separation anxiety from day 1. It did not work and sadly they needed to “give them back”. They had to do a trial adoption for 6 months prior, and luckily that was within that time frame. They then adopted a younger girl (about 4). Shes the sweetest girl and just wants to be loved. She has some minor health problems like asthma andsome food allergies that other people didnt want to deal with. But so far they’ve had her now for over a year (fully adopted for 6 months now), and they’re doing well. It took them about 3 months to really gain her trust. But now she calls them both mom and dad and its perfect for them. I dont know if my response was helpful, but I wanted to share!

Post # 21
Member
733 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

A friend of mine fostered and adopted her son when I think he was about 7, and he has RAD. She attends a BeTA retreat every year as a support group for those raising children who have had difficulties in similar situations (http://www.momsfindhealing.com). She raves about how great the retreat is, and is not shy in talking about the difficulties she and her son have had as he grew up. It was a decision she never ever regretted.

Post # 22
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee

I’ve always wanted to be a mother and for one reason or another I always put it off even when I saw that I may never find a mate.  After I found the love of my life, we talked about having kids even though I was no longer a “spring chicken”.  After going for fertility testing, I found out I could carry a child but would need an egg donor.  With the price of that, we moved onto looking into adoption(private).  As we know, that too is crazy expensive.  Well, onto public adoption.  I work for a local social service agency so I contacted the foster care/adoption department and was shocked when I was told that infants and younger kids(1-5 yrs) were hard to come by.  I’m open to a older child through foster care but I have a hard time and fear of going through the same disappointment my aunt went through when the kids she was trying to adopt that she had in her home for 2 years were taken away and returned to their parents.  I think that is my biggest fear.

Post # 23
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

read cathy glass books also the public system (cas,facs etc) are usually free or next to free.

Post # 24
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I know a family that adopted two children. Their older child was adopted basically at birth (went home with them at 6 days old). Their younger child was about three or four (not 100 percent sure which) when she came to live with them and I think about 5/6 when she was formally adopted. 

The older child who was adopted as a baby is the one with all kinds of attachment issues and trouble bonding. Their younger child is perfectly well adjusted and bonded with the family. 

What I’m getting at is that you’re always rolling the dice on how things are going to turn out, whether you adopt an older child, a baby or even have a biological child. Do what feels best for your family and deal with issues as they come. 

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