Considering breaking engagement… already…

posted 2 weeks ago in Engagement
Post # 31
Member
1316 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Things we do drunk are just the things we donʻt have the balls to do sober. 

Post # 32
Member
219 posts
Helper bee

I’m so sorry you’re going through this Bee, and I’m glad you’ve asked for support here. You sound like a very aware person, and I’m glad that this bothers you because after the whole fingering incident it should! Others are right, the trust is broken, and now that it is you may never get it back. 

Good luck with your conversation tonight and remember to be strong. You need to do what’s best for yourself and your child and I don’t think that a relationship without trust is the best. It’s a big decision but you can make it and everything will be ok. Sending so much love x

Post # 33
Member
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I would just point out that not trusting someone is like level 1 of bad, but level 2 is realizing that if you don’t have trust, you also do not have respect for that person either. How could you possibly marry someone that you don’t have deep respect for. Respect as in, you respect who they are as a person, proud of their actions and who they are etc. Level 3 is when you realize you can’t possibly actually be IN love with someone you don’t respect. Without trust, without respect, love doesn’t have anything to hold on to. It has no staying power. It has no foundation of strength. 

No trust, no respect, no love. Pretty simple. 

Post # 34
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

danadrew19 :  First I want to say how sorry I am that you are going through this.  I’ve suffered through a broken engagement (totally different circumstances) and the experience is gutting.  You are so brave and so strong to do this now.  So many women would silently worry about this as time ticked on, more deposits put down, invitations sent out…. this will feel like a mess at first but it is all relatively so much easier than if you had sat on this worry and waited until much later in the planning or (far worse) after the wedding. 

Don’t let him, yourself, or anyone else guilt you for coming to this realization this “late in the game.” Getting engaged can bring a lot of anxiety to the surface.  I know that after my current  fiance and I got engaged I had a couple of “oh shit” moments after all the whirlwind died down… nothing serious, but the ring on my finger made me think to myself, “this is really IT now for the REST OF MY LIFE.” This was all in reference to some of his mildly annoying habits.  If you have actual concerns about your relationship, it is perfectly OK to really and truly realize that it’s all a mistake after you get engaged. 

My fiance traveled back home to Europe for a business trip over the summer and while he was there had a big bachelor party/weekend trip in Prague, so that he could celebrate with a lot of his friends who won’t be able to come over for our wedding.  I didn’t spend a single second worrying about it.   He was just in Vegas last week for business and again, I barely thought about it.  It is so wonderful to be at peace with your relationship and know that your spouse treats you with respect both when you are there and while you are gone.  I’ve been in relationships before where I spent sleepless nights worrying about what my guy was doing.  I would never want to live like that again. 

Trust your instincts – they are there to protect you!

Post # 35
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2020

I had had an incident with my fiancé where I lost trust too. A year or so ago he lied about going to the strippers with buddies because he knew I wouldn’t be a fan. It sucked to find out he lied, and took some time to heal, but I can say that now, a year later, he has had so much character growth and I fully trust him.The reason I say this is to show that mistakes happen, but trust can be re built. It doesn’t sound like your fiance has worked on rebuilding that trust. And that is hard. 

I can’t imagine how heart broken you must feel. But imagine how much more at peace you will feel standing across the altar from a man you trust 100%. Ending the engagement and relationship will be hard, but with time it will feel like such a relief. Xx

Post # 36
Member
648 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

 Just commenting to say that you are very brave for recognizing these issues and for standing up for yourself. I’m sorry you have to go through this, but you know what you’re doing and I applaud you for that. Stay strong. Hugs xx.

Post # 37
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

Breaking up an engagement is hard, but so is divorce. If you realize that you don’t trust him now, and it sounds like he’s giving you reason not to, then it’s going to be harder to trust him after the bachelor party and through your marriage. Like the PP, I too believe that people can change but from what you’ve written, he hasn’t given you any reason to believe he has – especially if he’s so cagey about the party and I have a feeling that no matter what happens on that trip you’ll be left constantly wondering and not able to trust his recount of the events. 

Just remember you’re stronger than you think and even if it hurts now. Trust yourself and make the decision that is best for you longterm, even if it’s not the easiest. xx

Post # 38
Member
92 posts
Worker bee

Sorry that you’re having to deal with this. Did you talk to him?

Post # 39
Member
1506 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

danadrew19 :  wow. I’m terribly sorry that you’re going through this. 

 

I hope that you were able to talk to him and stick with your guns (you are clearly a very strong person)!

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