- 5 years ago
- Wedding: January 2015
I’m 30 years old already and I’m getting married April next year. I’m having second thoughts about the wedding and seriously considering backing out. I’ve been with my fiance for almost 4 yrs now. Our first 3 years together, we just go out on Saturdays for dinner and movies and tennis once a week. Is this enough to know the person?
We got engaged last year. We’ve been preparing for our wedding for months already and now that serious decision making is involved, our true colors start to emerge. I feel like we’re drifting apart already. We start to argue, I get irked by his little mistakes. He shows his different scary side. Maybe mine too. My parents are against the wedding from the start saying I deserve someone better. He’s 10 years older than me. We grew up in different environment. If it involves a major decision, its almost always his way.
He never fails to make a comment about my physical look, how I dress, how I put on make up, my hair being flat, I have a pimple, I gained weight etc. I don’t feel his support at times coz he made me attend several weddings by myself, refuse to hang out at his place or mine. Worst sign, he made me attend the wedding seminar by myself despite of my pleading. Maybe he felt bad, he attended 2 sessions but he was really angry at me for making me do it. I even went to counseling by myself because he refused to go saying he knows himself already.
I know I love him because I put his well being first before mine. He’s really important to me. We have lots of good times as well. He has characters of a good husband. I admire his smartness, sometimes leading to being arrogant, I got used to it so it doesn’t bother me as much as before. But our present personalities are clashing now which is making our situation more difficult. He says he loves me and I believe him. but sometimes his actions are not as expected. I don’t feel his support and fear that I’ll be alone in this marriage.
He never tried to cheat but I wouldn’t know since I can’t touch his mobile phone or know his passwords. He never hurt me physically, it’s all words which cuts deeper.
One time during a heated argument, he just blurted “I’ve had enough already. I don’t want to go on anymore” and just left. There was also a time when I was crying, he said “your tears doesn’t mean anything to me.” On his birthday, I gave him a watch, way cheaper than the brand he’s wearing, he threw the gift at the passenger seat, and just gave it back to me.
I’ve asked for signs. I pray every night and before going to bed. I talked with my mum and she adviced to give it a week, if doubt is still there, don’t proceed anymore.
Our wedding is 4 months away from now yet I’m still really confused. I’m not really good with breakups. My heart gets crushed everytime I think about leaving him. We’re going on our 4th year together on February. I already tried talking to him but he refuse to compromise and thinks my problems are shallow.
I don’t know why I have all these doubts. Why I’m scared. Could it be because this is a big change for me. Since I’m used to living with my parents? I want to make sure I’m doing the right thing. I’ve read that when there’s doubt, don’t.
I tried to leave him last week but I got chickened out. I cried a bucketful and told him we’ll just fix it.
Everywere I look I see him, my whole room, my email, my inbox, my computer. Its about him and the wedding.
He was never close to my family, according to him, what matters is just “US”, nothing else.
I’m hesitant to break it off with him because first, I’m not sure if I’m going to do the right thing or just having cold feet. 2nd, I’m scared to go back to zero again and might not find the right guy for me. 3rd, I finally found a guy who doesn’t give up on me. We never broke off. Everything was settled before the day ends or the next day.
I’m really confused and can’t decide for myself anymore.
Should I marry this guy or not? Am I crazy or just really hoping he’d change? Is this normal?