(Closed) CONSIDERING CALLING OFF THE WEDDING – HELP!!!

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
836 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@SimpleGifts:  Thanks… 

 

I really hope she doesn’t have to live like this the rest of her life.  Well, actually, it wouldn’t be for hte rest of her life… As I really don’t think a marraige like this can or will last… 

Also…  I do like what one PP said…  Think of your life without him, will it be better or worse?  I know if I was in this situation, it would sure feel good to not have to walk on eggshells all the time.  I could loosen up and finally be me again without fear of ridicule.  This is just my opinion (actually, reading through the responses, it looks like I am not the only one who feels that way)

Good Luck, and it appears we are all here for support for you should you need it.  Feel free to PM me if you like.

Ronney K.

Phoenix, AZ

Post # 33
Member
2187 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Honey, I can not believe anyone would be so desperate to get married as to put up with such a miserable S.O.B. Get out NOW. Thirty is not old, you are just hitting your prime. When I left a miserable relationship of 8 years, I was 40 and never expected to find love again and I didn’t care. I wanted to be able to live again, to breathe freely. Love found me anyway.It can happen, there ARE decent men out there!  Get yourself away from this control-freak and focus on yourself and what makes YOU happy!

Post # 34
Member
836 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@trueblue14:  +1. 

Prime of your life girl!  🙂 

Post # 36
Member
3260 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@shamushi:  It honestly does not seem like he wants a lift partner at all. He wants you when it’s convenient to him, but otherwise he’d rather do things his way, or hangout alone. For the sake of your self esteem, I would call it off. You are going to be lonely and feel like you’re never getting enough from your husband for the rest of your life with him. You need someone who will treat you as an equal and enjoys you around :).

Post # 37
Member
2925 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@shamushi:  Thanks for the update.

Honestly, the guy does not seem to be a good match for you. Your life partner should be constantly building you up, but he seems to be always tearing you down. You can’t live like that.

Maybe he’s always been like this, and you just didn’t really notice it or accept it until now since the wedding is approaching. It doesn’t matter though. This is more than just wedding stress. He does not seem to have good character, and you cannot expect him to change.

Post # 38
Member
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@shamushi:  I really wish you could see that you deserve more. See my husband would still be taking care of me with a broken foot because he knows the minute I felt the least bit better I would be taking care of him too! Staying with someone because you are used to them being around isn’t a good reason to get married, especially when times get tough he doesn’t want YOU around.

It’s becoming an issue now because in your gut you know you can’t live your life like this but you are scared. It’s okay to be scared to be alone, but once you stop settling and start living life for you, I cannot begin to tell you how much you grow as a person and the different people you attract around you.

I reread your initial post and realized something. The only positive thing you said about this man was followed by a negative. When you said “He has characters of a good husband. I admire his smartness, sometimes leading to being arrogant, I got used to it so it doesn’t bother me as much as before.” This says that you are settling in this relationship loud and clear. When you are not settling in a relationship there are tons of great qualities about your partner you can list and you don’t have to say that you got used to him treating you poorly so it doesn’t bother you as much as before. A good healthy relationship isn’t described as emotionally draining.

 

Post # 39
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree with the bees, this sounds like emotional abuse. I would recommend cancelling the wedding based on what you’ve described. This is not a healthy foundation for a relationship, and especially not for a family.

Post # 40
Member
836 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

There are truly red flags everywhere, and your update makes that even more painfully true. He has stomped all over your self esteem, and you need to get out before you don’t have any left. There is nothing pleasant about him, and if he does love you, he has a terrible way of showing it. What I am getting from you is that you are afraid to start over because of your age. That is the absolute worse reason to make a go of it with anyone. You are still young and beautiful, and most importantly worthy of a man who treats you like the amazing and loving woman you are. Even if you weren’t a young woman, I would say that life is too precious to waste on a man who doesn’t deserve you. It is never too late to find love, and most importantly, it is never too late to love yourself.

I can promise you one thing, you will feel so much better the moment you dump this…man.

 

Good luck!

//

Post # 41
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

You ssid “Should I marry this guy or not?”  If you are asking the question, the answer is NO!  You have major doubts.   WAIT if nothing else.  

Post # 42
Member
4554 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Sounds like an ass. I think you ought to take awhile away from him and decide what you really want. But keep in mind, men don’t change.

Post # 43
Member
4913 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@shamushi:  They say that the engagement period is supposed to make or break a couple.. some couples bond together during this period, planning together and enjoying the process; other couples break apart because they cannot handle the stress and until now they haven’t had this type of stress before. Which couple are you???

Post # 44
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@shamushi

I think what you need to consider right now is this:  assume that your fiance will NEVER change for the rest of his life.  That for the next 50 years, you will live with this person exactly the way he is now.  If you are ok with that, you should marry him.  If you aren’t, you shouldn’t.  It’s really that simple.

And honestly, if the answer you give is that you ARE comfortable with living with this person the way he is right now for the rest of your life…well, then I think we need to have another talk!

I think you already know what you need to do, but it’s sooo scary and hard to take that first step.  Even if it feels like you have no one on your side, just know that you do…even if it’s the women here.

Good luck and please keep us updated.

Post # 45
Member
2604 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

You said you’ve asked for signs, and he is giving you millions of them. This guy sounds like a controlling, emotionally manipulative jerk, and that’s not going to change after marriage. You need to do what’s best for you, and you won’t be alone. Your parents (and the Hive!) are behind you.

Post # 46
Member
3479 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

Sweetie,   “I know I love him because I put his well being first before mine” s not love. it’s giving yourself up.

You need to get out. He sounds like he has sociopathic tendencies.

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