I think you are confusing love with fear. You fear leaving him and you fear being alone and you fear being out of your comfort zone. I think you were under your parents care for so long, you became dependent on someone. And just so happens after them, it became this guy. Do not confuse love with infatuation either. You love characteristics ABOUT him but not you AND him. You have not mentioned any good thing he does for you other than being there. You say you might be blinded by love, I think it is more like blinded by not knowing there are better guys out there than this guy.
You say he doesn’t give up, that you guys solve the fight by the end of the night. It sounds more to me that you give in, apologize and it goes his way. It sounds to me like he isn’t “trying” and “not giving up” it is more like you are trying and you do whatever it takes to end the fight or argument.
I used to be very nice, to everyone. Girls, guys, people I just met. My then girlfriend (now fiancée) got mad. She asked if I would like it if she did the same, being very nice and almost flirty-like to everyone. I told her it was the way I was raised, as being nice and considerate. But she said those people don’t matter (especially friends of friends I just met, I would offer to buy them drinks, etc) and that I should put the efforts to her. I didn’t get this at first and thought she was being too much. But then I finally realized. Women just want to feel loved. Even if they know they aren’t the most attractive woman in the world…the man should make her feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. I didn’t understand until her uncle was sitting there. And we saw a very hot woman on the tv and everyone started complimenting and he goes, she is nothing compared to my wife. And my gf said that was so sweet and even though everyone knows the woman on tv was more attractive, in her uncle’s eyes, theres no one more attractive than his wife. Luckily I find my fiancée very beautiful but even in the mornings and without makeup, she is still beautiful but it is her smile and personality that make me love her more and more each day.
It sounds like you are ready to give up everything for him but it doesn’t sound like he is ready to give up everything for you. You went to counseling and wedding seminars by yourself?! What was the point of that? So you can do everything and fix everything for yourself? He obviously puts all the blame on you and thinks he is perfect. I think this is a problem. There seems to be no respect, compromise or communication. You got him a watch. It is the thought that counts. If my gf even gets me a thing out of the 25cent machine at the grocery store because it made her think of me, I think it is the sweetest thing and ill keep it forever. My desk has post it notes that she wrote “I love you” on that she made when she comes to my work keep me company when I work late. No matter what it is, even a simple piece of paper, I would never just throw it in my backseat or in my drawer. I am always appreciative of what she does and I try to do it back.
You guys saw each other 1 day a week for dinner and a movie and tennis. Like another bee said, you cant have conversations and get to know someone this way. For three years that’s what happened. So you asked “why is this all happening now?” it is because you never got a chance to see him enough or be on a personal enough level with him. Of course seeing someone once a week is exciting and you look forward to date night. But HAVING to see each other everyday is when you learn to live and love and compromise.
After my first year together, I saw my gf everyday. And that’s when he learned the most about each other but also learned to understand each other. Her and I come from different environments too to some extent and different ways of upbringing. My family is nice and hers are very blunt. We clashed at first but we learned to compromise. The most important thing is I saw progress. We fight less and learn how to avoid fights. That’s a sign to me about maturity, development and understanding. And it just gets better with time. The other day she said she was craving two restaurants. I was able to guess the exact two one the first try. She also knows my pet peeves and makes sure not to do them. Things like that make me feel like I know I have a great one and one who no matter what, like you said “through sickness and health” will be there. HE sent you home? That sounds ridiculous and do you live with this guy?
He refuses to go out with your friends. Is he embarrassed of you or just doesn’t like them?Sounds like it could be both and both are problems too.
It is better to start at zero and be alone for a while than being unhappy for the next few years and possibly the rest of your life. For 3 years you guys saw each other once a week, never more and on the same day??…was he ever married before?
It is not cold feet. It is you realizing you are in a bad relationship. And even if you do LOVE him (maybe you love things about him but not actually him), someone once told me. “Sometimes love just isn’t enough” and that’s when I broke up with my highschool gf who was emotionally draining, dramatic, negative and verbally abusive.
Oh wow…just read the second page of comments. You broke up with him. Be strong. You did the right thing. I was “heartbroken” from my ex of 4 years. It took me a year of missing her and trying to “get over her”. But I realized I missed someone, not her specifically. I dated and soon realized I wasn’t missing much, if anything I was better off without her. I look back and laugh at how much I endured and how stupid I was for staying with her for so long. I have found someone 1 million times better!
Go and have fun! Talk to friends. Find new friends. This is your time to be independent and do what you have always wanted. Learn to love yourself. Improve yourself. I went to the gym after breaking up with my old ex and people complimented on how great I looked since being single. It made me feel good about myself =)
Good luck! Keep us posted and when you feel like calling him…read this thread instead. It took me about an hour trying to do work and read and type! It should motivate you and keep you busy lol