(Closed) Considering calling off wedding because of anxiety

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1066 posts
Bumble bee

I am walking up the aisle with my fiancee and will have eyes only for him…Maybe you would cope with that? x

Post # 4
440 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Do you think it might help to do a ‘first look’? There’s a thread on here where a lot of bees have said it really helped with the nerves. I’ll see if I can find it. (I know it’s not just nerves btw! I suffered from GAD for several years and it’s such an evil condition. In the end, Citalopram, yoga and giving up caffeine did the trick, to varying ongoing degrees of success!)

Post # 6
1652 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I can sympathise with you as I have social anxiety, though mine is fairly mild and I was able to walk out in front of 100 people and say my vows.

The things that helped me were: bridesmaids walked first, linked arms with my dad, repeating the vows as the registrar said them, not looking at anyone or making eye contact with anyone except my husband as I walked in, the fact that we stood with our backs to the guests at first and then turned sideways and then to face the front at the end.

It might help not to plan to make a speech or anything like that..I could not have done that anyway,

Good luck whatever you decide!! 🙂

Post # 8
4369 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Once you make it up the aisle, it may be helpful to stick to a simple ceremony – for example, repeat vows after officiant or just say “I do” instead of creating your own vows and other simplified versions to keep the nerves down.


Post # 9
3941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I experienced the same emotions before my wedding.  I have dehabilitating anxiety.  I wasn’t excited for my wedding – I was petrified.  People kept telling me that once the day gets there then all the fears will go away.  I’m sure you’ve heard the same thing.  I didn’t believe anyone, how could I?!

But I should have.  I didn’t have a single ounce of anxiety or fear the day of.  It honestly just disappears.  I know it doesn’t seem possible now, but trust me…the day will come and it will all be okay!!! 

Post # 10
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Hi there! I also have anxiety issues and totally understand where you’re coming from. I think you should do what feels right to you, but I do think you’ll regret not having your special day be as special as you deserve it to be! One thing that’s helped me with anxiety-producing situations is to visualize the outcome. I took the bar exam, and someone recommended this to me! It worked! I imagined the day I found out I passed, what it would feel like, what it would look like when the little success box popped up. I just tried to keep that in mind as I went through it, and I’ve used this idea ever since! Imagine the moment you kiss your new husband and the joy you’re going to feel with your family and friends there beside you! If you can, go to your venue and see where you’ll be, imagine what it will look like on your wedding day, etc. Imagining the outcome you want – a calm, joyous day – helps you make it possible. Good luck to you – you can do it, and you will have an amazing day!

Post # 11
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I don’t really like anxiety medication as I had been on them for several years and they didn’t do much for me except turn me into a lesser version of myself.

However there was one anxiety pill I did like. It is an emergency anxiety pill for times of serious anxiety/panic. I do not remember what it’s called but your doctor will know. It’s very small and yellow. I wouldn’t personally want to be drugged for my wedding day, but this little pill really helped me when I couldn’t get through it. I wouldn’t eat for several days during a bad anxiety attack because my throat would close up so I couldn’t swallow food. This little pill helped me eat.

You only take this pill when you are having anxiety issue not every day. If you did try to take it every day you would have to take it every day for life. The major side effect of it is you experience even worse anxiety once you stop taking it. It’s not an issue if you take it on rare occasions when the anxiety is too much.

I also want to say I have been almost anxiety free for about a year and a half. While I do get nervous that is much different from the GAD trap/cycle. I actually attribute that to going vegan, eating only organic foods, exercising, vitamins and faith. I didn’t go any of that to stop the anxiety; I just wanted to be healthier. Not having crazy anxiety problems seemed to be a side effect. I only share that as a hope builder GAD is really debilitating.

One thing you might want to try is having your vitamin panels checked notably your iron and vitamin D levels. Studies have shown vitamin D (the one you get from the sun) is linked to anxiety issues, weight issues, and depression. Vitamin D is known as the happiness vitamin. Wacked out vitamins can wreak all kinds of havoc on your body/mind. My iron was so low the symptoms I was having pointed to MS to the point I needed an MRI. Your MD is probably not trained in dietary medicine so he/she probably isn’t going to mention vitamin deficiency as a culprit.

None of that may work for you but if you have tried every other option, this is just one more option.

Post # 12
3942 posts
Honey bee

I completely understand and feel for you. I actually started therapy during my wedding planning because of my anxiety. It was needed for a long time, but the wedding made it 10 times worse. The thought of walking in front of everyone and having all eyes on me made my miserable.

But I survived! I walked down the aisle and only looked at my husband. I didnt make eye contact with a single person in the church. It’s funny because we had musicians playing on the alter and I didnt hear/see them. When we got our pictures back I was like ” who the hell is that?!”. But my point is, focus on your husband and you will get through it.

Post # 13
2902 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I have the same fears. I am dreading the morning of the wedding and petrified of the walk down the aisle. I am a social butterfly but inside I am a wreck. I know I will just have to push through because the people there all love me and want to see me happy. I plan on just looking at my Fiance as I walk down the aisle and no one else. Maybe a first look will help ease your fears 🙂

Post # 14
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

What about Xanax? I heard that stuff works wonders.

Post # 15
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Or take a muscle relaxant like 16 Candles! Hehe

Similar anxiety situation here. Not too scared of that part, though. More talking to people. I think I’ll feel like it’s just me and SO when the time comes.

You don’t have to walk the aisle. Some people walk in with partner, or from a side door, to avoid it.

Post # 16
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I haven’t been diagnosed with anything mainly because I haven’t had a proper evaluation, but girl… being someone who feels an enormous amount of anxiety daily, I can tell you that nothing but normal jitters got me on that day.

When I say enormous, I mean that I will literally text and call home from work to see if there is any drama of any kind that I should be prepared for before I get home because I can’t deal with the whole shock value family drama side of things.

On that day, I got my hair and makeup all done up, put on my dress that I loved, felt like throwing up for a minute…(I remember asking…”did anyone show up?” LOL)…

And then I was shaky and nervous like stage fright until that music started. And I think every single nervous bride feels like they will focus so much on the people who came to the wedding, but once those doors open (or whatever your wedding calls for)…all you will see is your future hubby and how beautiful you look to him and how amazed he is to see you. And despite all the anxiety in the world, it’ll make everyone disappear.

Seriously, these men have some secret spells of their own in their smiles. Innocent

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