- 8 years ago
- Wedding: September 2011
Maybe someone can relate to me, or at least give me some advice.
I’ve got the inlaws from hell, as everyone has told me. They want to be part of this wedding planning process, just as much as my mother is. In my family, the bride plans the wedding with her mom, not with the inlaws. It’s stressing me out to no end.
I never wanted a wedding to begin with, but he’s the first in his family to get married, so I knew it was important to them. I just feel like things are getting out of hand now, and this is not going to be the wedding I want, and it will not be stress free.
- His family wants to go dress shopping with me and is upset I said no. I ended up taking his sister just to try and make things better
- His sister is upset she is not part of the wedding party. She’s only 18, immature, and makes me feel insecure (she constantly complains about needing to lose weight, when in fact she is super skinny and makes me feel overweight). Our wedding is less then 100 people, and I’ve got 3 attendents already (2 older sisters and a best friend)
- His Mom called our wedding coordinator without asking, or even informing us she would. I told her I’d talk to the coordinator about the wedding the day before to figure out the rehearsal.
- They feel they should be super involved, and the fact that we haven’t involved them as really upset them. We haven’t even gotten into details of the wedding and what we want, other than vendors, which are our choice anyway. I picked colors, but that was it. No centerpiece ideas, no flower ideas, nothing, so I can’t see why they are so upset.
- My family told me to call his Mom and try to talk to her. It turned into a “Your stealing my son”, “He only does what you let him to”, “You lived with us, so we should be involved”, kind of thing. She also denied everything bad she ever said (including the speakerphone calls I heard), and blamed me for everything. I understand he’s the first to leave the home, but I feel like she’s overstepping here. When he called her, she denied everything she said to me and said she was fine with what we are doing. One example of denying is that she told us we live too far away to come to (25mins), and she claims she never said that and would never say that. The truth is, she has, many times, including telling me that we are only moving this far to get away from them.
So really, it goes on and on with everything. They are making me want to just cancel this wedding, as we are only 3 weeks into planning and I want to scream. We’ve got a venue, caterer (part of the venue), and a cake booked, that’s it. It’s not that much in deposits I’d lose, and my family is fine with whatever I picked.
I’ve warned my fiance that I’m going to become a basketcase because of everything I’m dealing with. I’m sick of being told one thing and him being told another. I’m a mess, and I feel guilty not involving them now. I know this is what they want – to guilt me into everything. I would have involved his sister, but we don’t see eye to eye, and honestly, if I’m stuck getting dressed in the same room as her, I have a feeling I’ll break down.
My parents have told me to do what I want during all of this, and that it is my wedding. They really aren’t getting involved in choices, just footing the bill and letting me do what I want, which is great. I’m the last in the family to get married, out of 3 girls, so they’ve been through it before and understand. Neither of my sisters had this issue with the inlaws, so I haven’t had anyone to really relate to.
Am I nuts to consider cancelling this whole thing and eloping? My family doesn’t care, and his said before it’s up to us, but told us that they want to be there for it (what’s the point then?). I’m trying to compromise, and not be a bridezilla with all of it, but I’m becoming one because of all the stress.
We have not sent out our save the dates yet, as I want to decide this before we waste our money printing them.