(Closed) Considering dropping out wedding

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

If you are thinking of dropping out you should do so quickly.   You may or may not be aware of things she may have planned.   Be honest with her.  Tell her that with your own wedding coming, you can’t afford to do both weddings, but you would be honored to be a guest. 

Tell her, you would be happy to still support her with planning ideas where you can.

I wouldn’t bring up the disapproval thing, I think that is just setting up for bad feelings.

Good Luck.

Post # 4
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I would drop out.  I am a firm believer that people standing up in weddings for other people should 100% support them and the marriage.  You already told her you do not, and for very valid reasons. I would just say that her wedding is very close to yours, and you both should devote attention to your own weddings, while still being there and having fun at the each other’s (hopefully put a bit more sensitively, but hopefully you know what I mean). 

Good luck! I understand it’s a hard thing…but it sounds like if she has no plans for an upcoming July wedding (that’s soon!), her Maid/Matron of Honor may end up carrying the burden and it should not be you…planning your own is enough work in itself!  I’m sorry!

Post # 5
46 posts
  • Wedding: October 2013

agreed.. I wish everyone would have told me going into an obvious for the wrong reason marriage with my 1st husband.. My friends all waited until after-the-fact of a failed marriage.. I mean, who knows if I would have listend because ‘love’ can be blind BUT atleast you will be honest and trustworthy by communicating with her.

Post # 7
96 posts
Worker bee

I would definitely drop out. Without knowing all the details, the situation just seems disastrous. She’s marrying a man and sleeping with other guys! How could she do that if she really loves this man she’s engaged to? Would he marry her if he knew? I know this sounds harsh again, but it sounds like it would be a disaster, not just the wedding but the relationship. I would want to talk to the guy if he’s being cheated on, and I’d also definitely not go to the wedding, not so much because of the late planning, but the infidelity. How could there be trust?

Post # 8
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Drop out! Why stand in a wedding when you don’t support the marriage (I wouldn’t either)?? 

Post # 9
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@wittyacronym:   is a very difficult situation to be in, Is this friend in your wedding party as well, seeing as she asked you to be her MOH?? You need to look closely at the friendship that you have with this person as any negativity on your side could be taken the wrong way by your friend. 

I was recently supposed to be in one of my best friends weddings and I knew the wedding was not going to happen. Eventually as things continued to deteriorate in the relationship, she ended up cancelling the wedding. I had to tell her at the time, that I was not going to waste money on dresses and showers for a wedding that wasn’t going to happen. I did not want to hurt my friend, but it was something that had to be said. In the end she didn’t marry the guy and instead of planning her bachlorette, I am responsible for planning her “OMG that was close” party at the end of the month. 

Be sensitive to your friend, I know theres infidelity and he rest of it, but you said that she loves the guy. Don’t lose your friendship over this conversation. Support her, i’m sure she’s feeling horrible that nothing is set for a July wedding.

In the end, if you do not agree with her decision, the choice is hers to make; but it’s also yours to make if you want to be a part of her special day or not.


Post # 10
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

My cousin was in the same situation, only difference was my cousin was not getting married.  She dropped out of the wedding and she also spoke with the bride and told her that she obviously is not ready to get married if she is still sleeping with other men and she didn’t want to spend money on a wedding that she thought would not last.  The bride totally understood where she was coming from and actually a few days later she postponed the wedding.

Post # 12
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would drop out and explain to her why. Don’t second guess your decision and feel bad about it – there is no reason to. Dropping out is perfectly justifiable.

Post # 13
34 posts
  • Wedding: July 2012

I might be the minority here… but I think she herself isn’t sure about getting married. That’s why she hasn’t booked her venue, food, or anything. She seems very irresponsible and uncommited, why would she be ready for marriage? Once she gets married, it would be harder for her to keep sleeping with other guys (unless she is very sneaky and her FH trusts her very much) and it seems like she isn’t ready to leave that kind of lifestyle yet.

I agree with you to do nothing at all… since there is a high probability that she will cancel or delay the wedding soon. 

Post # 15
2616 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

thats good she postponed the wedding to work on their relationship and not cause a sticky situation for u.

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