Considering egg donation to BIL and how wife. Help!

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 32
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

The fact that your husband is not on board is pretty much a dealbreaker IMO. 

Post # 34
7901 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

anonbea :  I would just be concerned that if becoming parents is still a choice you are struggling with then seeing your eggs go to someone else may be harder than you can imagine. My husband and I obviously do want children, but when we got a picture of the embryo they transfered back into me we both cried. And we are BOTH the super pro-choice people who do not believe an embryo is a baby – it’s a bundle of cells. But…in that moment….it was our bundle of cells and that was not a reaction I would have ever anticipated having. 

Post # 36
593 posts
Busy bee

I feel sorry that people are kinda bashing you about the things you said in your OP. I know you didn’t mean it in a twisted way, it’s alright. However, I still don’t think this is a good idea.

Post # 37
2554 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

The mama protection instinct is serious business.  One of the first things I said to my babies when they were born was “I would kill everyone in the whole world for you.”  It was kind of a joke but really, if I’m being serious, I would absolutely let the world burn for them, call it instinct or selfishness or just that I’m a crazy person but I can’t deny it.

You really don’t know how you’ll feel when you look at that baby, and it may feel like yours.  So if that’s going to introduce a level of concern or anxiety leaving that baby with your Brother-In-Law and his wife then definitely consider that.  I would be happy to donate an egg to my brother, he’s in line to take my kids if something happens to us, I trust him that much.  But I don’t feel that way about my Brother-In-Law, so I know I couldn’t donate an egg to him.  Just something to consider.

Post # 38
1222 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

anonbea :  I get the feeling that you’re reconsidering not wanting kids and your husband is still firmly in the CFBC camp…and that that is the major issue here.

I don’t think I would do this just because it would be so confusing for the kid to have an aunt and a biological parent in the same person.

Post # 39
9681 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I would suggest speaking with your husband privately before meeting with your in-laws. The two of you really should be on the same page before they are brought into the discussion anymore. I would say that you are putting your Darling Husband is a very unfair position by discussing this with your in-laws as he might feel very pressured by guilt to go along with it without truly being okay with the decision that could cause problems later if he’s feeling like he has to say yes out of family obligation.

You should cancel your plans with your in-laws and have this discussion privately with your husband. If he agrees then you can bring your in-laws in to discuss it more.

Post # 42
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

anonbea :  I think this is really commendable and you’re a very sweet person OP! Pregnancy is not easy and wanting to put yourself through that for someone else shows a lot of who you are as a person. 

I do think though, this can cause a lot of problems even maybe unknowinlgly. The way you think you might react once you are pregnant and have the baby might not be how you react at all and that’s the worrisome part. Plus, you need to make sure your Darling Husband is a 100% on board with this. I do agree with PP that you should speak to him before tonight’s meeting. You need to know where he stands so you are a united front. 

Good luck to you and your ILs, Bee!! Hope all the best for you! 

Post # 44
159 posts
Blushing bee

You absolutely cannot do that because you are having a wrong attitude towards it. Donating an egg to family and seeing it as ” a fun twisted way to “have kids” in an indirect way” is really not the right attitude to have. I am sure if the BIL’wife read that she would immediately decline your offer. That’s not what the egg donor thing is about. 

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