Considering egg donation to BIL and how wife. Help!

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 61
Member
720 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Backyard

Good update. It’s very thoughtful of you. IMO, there are so many unwanted children in the world that the idea of spending thousands of dollars and going through all sorts of medical procedures instead of adopting a child that already exists, doesn’t sit well with me. I know adoption can be expensive, and I get that women want to experience pregnancy, but my mom used an egg donor and it was very hard on her body. I also think there are effects on the egg donor that have not been fully researched – potentially effects on her fertility from stimulating all those follicles, etc. It’s really not as simple as it sounds. I know you guys have already come to a conclusion but just wanted to share my opinion if that helps you. Egg donation is a money-making industry, a lot of young women are making money selling their eggs and not really being made aware of all the potential risks associated with doing so. 

Post # 62
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee

franklymydearidont :  it is confusing to explain in text to others. But I grew up knowing the story and knowing both my birth mother and adoptive mother/aunt. They’re sisters so I was kept in the family which was wonderful. I was able to know both closely. My aunt started looking after me as a baby when my mom had a bad stroke. My aunt officially adopted me when I was a toddler when it became apparent that my birth mom wasn’t going to be able to take care of a child. So I don’t remember being told specifically. I just grew up knowing the story and knowing both women  

 

Not to thread jack, but if the OP does do this, and given there are medical reasons and kindness behind this like there was with me I think being open about it will be helpful to the child and adults involved. 

Post # 63
Member
3277 posts
Sugar bee

redroses76 :  just to be clear it is a real myth that there are all these millions of babies waiting to be adopted.

Depending on where you live it can be a 10 plus year wait for a toddler or younger. Not to mention that many adoptions fall through after the family has stated bonding with the child.

 

Post # 64
Member
1211 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

andielovesj :  She said child, not baby or toddler. If there weren’t adoptable children in this country, the foster system would not exist.

Adopting an older child isn’t as romantic as adopting a baby or toddler, but we need more good people to do it in this country.

nkotb :  Thanks for clarifying further! It seems like you felt a lot of love in your upbringing and that is amazing. 🙂

Post # 65
Member
2923 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

I think it was super nice of you to even consider it and I hope you didn’t end up feeling too bashed by some of the comments here. You sound very sensible and thoughtful and like you had good intentions. I’m glad you and your husband were able to reach a decision together and I’ll think good thoughts for your Brother-In-Law and his wife that they are eventually able to have a baby!

Post # 66
Member
11652 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Glad you guys talked it through and came to a decision that’s right for you! These situations can be tough to navigate. But it’s impressive how honest everyone was re their feelings and how you came from such a generous position. 

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