(Closed) Considering Moving to Europe without DH–Am I Crazy?

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but in my experience it does change getting married. My Darling Husband and i live seperately now and even though we did the same long distance before we got married, somehow its SO much harder now. i think its because we have decided and commited to building a life together and building our home and then i have to leave that life and that home for three months at a time – it feels like a step in the wrong direction. 

i am literally counting down the days until the next 8 months are up and i can move home permanently and we can live together properly as man and wife.

i hope you find a solution ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 4
Member
2142 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I personally would not consider a move anywhere without my husband. Much less to another continent!

Post # 5
Member
7777 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Honestly, it felt the same to me. Darling Husband is military and for reasons beyond our control, we lived apart for 2 years before marriage and another 8-9 months after. It felt exactly the same. When he gets deployed, there will be an added “Oh crap, he’s in danger” aspect, but separation is still separation.

As long as both parties agree with the plan, why not?

Post # 7
Member
2142 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@zippylef:

I kinda feel like your situation is a little different though. He doesn’t really have a choice. He’s in the military if he gets deployed, he goes, no if ands or buts. Andddd you did move to the UK with him! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 8
Member
2232 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I lived in Eastern Europe (Bosnia) 2 years ago while Fiance and I were just dating. I knew it would be hard but looking back on that time it actually passed pretty quickly. 

How long would you be gone for? I think the length of time and the time difference are really the hardest. 

ETA: Sorry not a newlywed, but I honestly don’t see how it will make a difference. We live together now anyway and in the eyes of the law we are married ๐Ÿ™‚ If I had an opportunity now to work somewhere for a few months that would lead to better opportunities in the future I would do it. 

Post # 9
Member
7777 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@regberadaisy: Yeah, but he did volunteer to enlist and he did volunteer to do the crazy job he does. We did still spend our first 8 months of marriage living across the country from each other, mostly by choice.

And yeah, I did get to move to the UK with him. lol. They have to make up for stealing my husband all the time somehow.

Post # 11
Member
2950 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I say go for it. Life is too short to be unhappy. Its obviously just a couple months, not a lifelong commitment your making on the move…… Why not?

I say as long as hes ok with it; do it! 

Communication is key in LDR…as you know lol….. i think its much easier to have a great relationship in todays world with skype, etc….

Keep me updated on what you decide!

 

(I almost took a job in europe as well; still thinking about doing it!)

 

Post # 12
Member
1829 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Honestly, I would probably do it if I were in your situation – but that’s because I’m a huge advocate of taking advantage of awesome opportunities when they arise.   I guess the pros are that it is only 5 months, and it’s Europe, which is relatively easy to travel to the US from – you could see each other over spring break or Easter when there are usually school holidays.   And it’s only five months.  

Now I’m saying this without having actually been apart from my Darling Husband for more than a few weeks since we got married.   Before we got married though, we did long distance between Australia and the US, which meant we had to go 6 months at a time without seeing each other.  Yes, it was hard, especially as neither of us was massively happy with our job at the moment, but with Skype, it was manageable.

It all comes down to what you and your Darling Husband think is best for you both.  Are you going to be miserable for the next year waiting for the Ph.D program to start?  Is your Darling Husband truly happy for you to go or will there be underlying resentment for you leaving?  Is there any chance you won’t want to come home at the end of this?  These are all things you need to think about and only you can answer.   

We all will have our opinions on this matter but it ultimately comes down to you – some of us can’t imagine being without our Darling Husband for one day, whilst others are more independent and can handle being apart for periods of time without the relationship being affected.    I wouldn’t make a rash decision but make out a list of questions and honestly discuss them with our Darling Husband – maybe do it in writing so you both have a chance to express all of your thoughts without being influenced by the other one.

Good luck to you!

Post # 13
Member
2232 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@jldown2: I’m actually from there and grew up there ๐Ÿ™‚ I was lucky enough to get a position in my home town (Banja Luka) so I guess it was a bit different for me since I had all of my family to keep me busy and happy while my SO was back in Canada. 

I think if you’re both on board then it can work! I was supposed to stay for 6 months but came back 2 months early (mostly because of the job), if I hadn’t taken that position I would have gone to Asia for 8-12 months. 

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