Post # 1
I’ve been unemployed for the past several months with little hope of finding a job in my field. I’ve become depressed (though, I’ve worked my way to much higher ground and am working on managing it quite well) and just feel “stuck” as far as jobs go. After talking to my Master’s advisor, I’ve decided that I want to apply to schools to work towards my PhD, although this would clearly not start until the Fall. I volunteer several days a week, which I love, but that’s about what I’ve got going for me right now.
I’ve run into what is probably more or less a pipe dream…but one that is maybe realistic. (?) I used to teach in Eastern Europe and have recently learned positions are open for next semester. Part of me wants to take off again–teach and travel and work in a place I remember loving so much. I could work for the Spring semester (5ish months) before coming home to (hopefully) work towards my doctorate. All of the PhD schools I would apply to are pretty far (8+ hours) from where I live now.
The hitch? DH will have to stay here. He needs to stay at his job through the end of the 2012-2013 school year for retirement purposes. After that, he would probably follow me to where ever I landed to also work towards his PhD.
I’ve done years of long distance while we were dating and engaged (800 miles, then 5000 miles), so I don’t need a lots of input as to how hard that is–that I get. But, is it different when you’re married? I’d love to hear from some of you who do live apart from your husband/wife.
Am I crazy to get out of here for a few months? I understand I have painted the situation with rose-colored memory glasses, but it was a job I loved and a country I fell in love with. He’s all for me going if it’s what I need to do to be happy–even extending my contract another month or year if I need. When we’re together, we love, love, love it, but we function very well independently. In fact, he travels a lot for work now (2-3 weekends a month minimum).
(As an added bonus, I’d get to see the kids who I taught as 9th graders graduate and a good friend get married)
Post # 3
I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but in my experience it does change getting married. My DH and i live seperately now and even though we did the same long distance before we got married, somehow its SO much harder now. i think its because we have decided and commited to building a life together and building our home and then i have to leave that life and that home for three months at a time – it feels like a step in the wrong direction.
i am literally counting down the days until the next 8 months are up and i can move home permanently and we can live together properly as man and wife.
i hope you find a solution 🙂
Post # 4
I personally would not consider a move anywhere without my husband. Much less to another continent!
Post # 5
Honestly, it felt the same to me. DH is military and for reasons beyond our control, we lived apart for 2 years before marriage and another 8-9 months after. It felt exactly the same. When he gets deployed, there will be an added “Oh crap, he’s in danger” aspect, but separation is still separation.
As long as both parties agree with the plan, why not?
Post # 6
mrsbaconYou’re right it’s not necessarily what I wanted to hear, but I do appreciate your insights. It is one of the things I struggled with.
I was also wondering if the 5 months might act as a “test run” for if I do have to move away for grad school. For that, we don’t really have to much of a choice but for one to move and the other to follow. We’ll both need to get our doctorates to continue in our field.
zippyleaf:that’s kind of the attitude I have now. I am fortunate that neither of us will be in immediate danger, but it’s kind of always been that way for us–We live together for a bit, then the other moves away…we both kind of have a wanderlust that follows job opportunites. The biggest factor now is that we’re married and have been living together for our longest stint so far–a whopping (haha) three years.
Post # 7
I kinda feel like your situation is a little different though. He doesn’t really have a choice. He’s in the military if he gets deployed, he goes, no if ands or buts. Andddd you did move to the UK with him! 😉
Post # 8
I lived in Eastern Europe (Bosnia) 2 years ago while Fiance and I were just dating. I knew it would be hard but looking back on that time it actually passed pretty quickly.
How long would you be gone for? I think the length of time and the time difference are really the hardest.
ETA: Sorry not a newlywed, but I honestly don’t see how it will make a difference. We live together now anyway and in the eyes of the law we are married 🙂 If I had an opportunity now to work somewhere for a few months that would lead to better opportunities in the future I would do it.
Post # 9
Yeah, but he did volunteer to enlist and he did volunteer to do the crazy job he does. We did still spend our first 8 months of marriage living across the country from each other, mostly by choice.
And yeah, I did get to move to the UK with him. lol. They have to make up for stealing my husband all the time somehow.
Post # 10
I was in Bosnia this summer for a bit–amazingly beautiful country!
I would be in Hungary or Romania for about 5 months. We were dating the last time I lived in E. Europe–you’re right, in retrospect the time does move quickly. If I get into grad school in August, there would be at least another year before he could follow. Most of the schools are in the US, but a few are in Europe, including CEU in Budapest.
I do appreciate all of the responses. I don’t mean to seem combative or like my mind is made up…and I know it totally comes down to my choice in the end (esp. bc DH told me he’ll support my going), I am grateful to hear all of the opinions you’ve got to offer
Post # 11
I say go for it. Life is too short to be unhappy. Its obviously just a couple months, not a lifelong commitment your making on the move…… Why not?
I say as long as hes ok with it; do it!
Communication is key in LDR…as you know lol….. i think its much easier to have a great relationship in todays world with skype, etc….
Keep me updated on what you decide!
(I almost took a job in europe as well; still thinking about doing it!)
Post # 12
Honestly, I would probably do it if I were in your situation – but that’s because I’m a huge advocate of taking advantage of awesome opportunities when they arise. I guess the pros are that it is only 5 months, and it’s Europe, which is relatively easy to travel to the US from – you could see each other over spring break or Easter when there are usually school holidays. And it’s only five months.
Now I’m saying this without having actually been apart from my DH for more than a few weeks since we got married. Before we got married though, we did long distance between Australia and the US, which meant we had to go 6 months at a time without seeing each other. Yes, it was hard, especially as neither of us was massively happy with our job at the moment, but with Skype, it was manageable.
It all comes down to what you and your DH think is best for you both. Are you going to be miserable for the next year waiting for the Ph.D program to start? Is your DH truly happy for you to go or will there be underlying resentment for you leaving? Is there any chance you won’t want to come home at the end of this? These are all things you need to think about and only you can answer.
We all will have our opinions on this matter but it ultimately comes down to you – some of us can’t imagine being without our DH for one day, whilst others are more independent and can handle being apart for periods of time without the relationship being affected. I wouldn’t make a rash decision but make out a list of questions and honestly discuss them with our DH – maybe do it in writing so you both have a chance to express all of your thoughts without being influenced by the other one.
Good luck to you!
Post # 13
I’m actually from there and grew up there 🙂 I was lucky enough to get a position in my home town (Banja Luka) so I guess it was a bit different for me since I had all of my family to keep me busy and happy while my SO was back in Canada.
I think if you’re both on board then it can work! I was supposed to stay for 6 months but came back 2 months early (mostly because of the job), if I hadn’t taken that position I would have gone to Asia for 8-12 months.