Post # 46
I consider my parenting style to be “path of least resistence” parenting. And in my opinion, GIVE YOUR KID A PACIFIER! You need to do what works for you to survive, and her only having you to soothe her is bad for both of you. Whether or not breastfeeding will pan out in the long term, her being able to self soothe will be a lifesaver.
I think anyone who says “don’t give your kid a pacifier or bottle in the first few weeks” is insane. Give your child whatever they need to keep them happy, fed, and comfortable. If breastfeeding is going to work, you both need to be calm and happy first. It puts too much pressure on everyone involved if the mother is literally the only thing that can feed or soothe their newborn. I think it’s bullshit and it leads many women to feel like you do in this situation.
Post # 47
It does get better… and better…. and better, until it’s just so convenient. The trouble with bf is that it is massively front-loaded in terms of pain and stress. I found bf really hard in the early weeks, the lifestyle (as opposed to health) gains came later when I could travel light, never have to prep feeds etc
I chose not to use dummies/pacifiers, so as long as my hands were clean. I would substitute my little fingertip for my nipple once the sucking changed from getting milk to an occasional, reflexive comfort thing. It spared my poor nipples and I got better at being able withdraw my finger and settle her. It’s easier and less emotionally wearing to pop a finger back in than to hoik up your top and get your breast out again.
Finally, as others have said, if dropping bf is the thing that works for you, don’t beat yourself up, your baby will do just fine.
Bf babies normally lose weight in the first week, and milk (as opposed to small amounts of colostrum) takes a couple of days or more to come in properly, that’s a sad reason why in the recent past, when birth and baby care was hyper-medicalised and bottle feeding promoted as progressive, so many women gave up bf “because they didn’t produce any milk”. Very rarely, women cannot produce milk, but a lot of women falsely believed they were one of them because of inadequate suppert and understanding of the physiology of bf. 😢
You will choose what’s right for the two of you. Either way, these early weeks are tough as well as precious. I think we tend to have amnesia about it a bit once it’s past!
Post # 48
Hi Bee~ I remembe that time in my life vividly and it was extremely hard. Boy, can I relate. My dd was a premie and had a hard time latching and I had a problem with supply. I did my damndest but I got to the point that I just couldn’t do it any more. I gave up and started her on formula. I don’t regret it because I was stressing myself out so much and it was interfering with actually enjoying her.
For awhile, when I was still producing small amounts of milk, I would pump and add that to the formula, but that didn’t last real long. I would say, do whatever is right for you and don’t feel bad abut it! FWIW…. I decided when I was pg with my second child that if I had similar troubles to what I did the first time, I wouldn’t drive myself crazy and I would just quit BF altogether. Right after my son was born, he latched, he nursed, I made enough milk… and it seriously couldn’t have been easier. I kept breastfeeding him because it was easier and less expensive than buying formula. I only stopped when he was about 10 months old and he decided it was fun to bite me with his sharp teeth 🙂
Hang in there, bee! and only you can decide what you want to do… and there’s no right answer or wrong answer either, you just do what you are comfortable with!
Post # 49
- Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom
Pregnant with baby #1. So I don’t have any practical advice. What I wanted to share with you was this video link. It is a frank account from this Mommy vlogger I follow on surviving being the newest of new Moms. It is honest, comforting and even a little empowering to hear! It touches on breastfeeding, as well. Carve yourself out 20 minutes and watch this. TRUST ME! This video/vlogger has been a HUGE resource in my study for getting ready to become a Mom 🙂
Post # 50
It will pass. I had an ‘easy’ breastfeeding journey i.e. No pain, no trouble latching, no supply issues etc and I still really disliked it to start. I’d dread feeds and find it all very overwhelming.
That being said, my LO is now 7 months and I can’t imagine stopping feeding her now. I love it and am so glad I stuck with it. It’s such an easy way to comfort/entertain her and never having to worry about prepping bottles is lovely. It gives me freedom to be more spontaneous – I decided to stay at a friends on a whim last weekend and I could.
That being said, the most important thing is for bub to have a happy healthy mummy. That will benefit bub more than any benefits of breast milk. Do what feels right for yourself and don’t let the mummy guilt force you into anything you don’t want to do, but remember that it’s likely just a phase that should pass soon.
Post # 51
Thank you thank you thank you for all the replies, advice, and words of encouragement I greatly appreciate it and am lucky to belong to such a supportive community! I have read and re-read these replies the past couple days when I was having a difficult time. For right now I am going to stick with it and that is my goal until week 6 and then reevaluate but hopefully things will be a little easier then as everyone has said. In the mean time I will keep in mind that if it does become too much between now and then I can give up and it doesn’t make me a bad mom. I do feel like I would regret it though if I gave up now. Tomorrow is the lactation group and we find out if she reaches 7lbs as the doctor wants. Fingers crossed but I have a good feeling. I will keep everyone posted. And again thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Post # 52
Hi Everyone –
i wanted to provide an update! We went to the lactation group today and she met her goal weight and gained a little extra! The doctor wanted her to be at least 7 lb and she weighed 7 lb 1.1 oz. I most definitely think she is going through the 3 weeks growth spurt. It’s nice to see all my hard work has paid off but breastfeeding is still exhausting. I asked the specialist at the group today if I could introduce a pacifier because she has been comfort nursing a lot and they said they would like to see her perfect a deeper latch first. I have been working on that and will continue to do so but I think I am also going to try the pacifier. I just need a break and am still crying from breastfeeding exhausting and frustrations so I think that may give me the break I need. It’s better than giving up breast feeding all together. We are going to go back to the group on Thursday. I hope things continue to improve !
Post # 53
Congrats on her weight gain! And I agree with just introducing the pacifier, I doubt it will change things 3 weeks in. And you need a break!
Post # 54
Introduce the pacifier. Yes, you could have issues with latch, but she could be fine and have no issues. You have to do what is best for you and your baby. Sometimes I think people forget that there are 2 people involved in breastfeeding and that the mom’s sanity is extremely important too. Good luck mama, hang in there!
Post # 55
I had an almost identical breastfeeding experience. It is so hard and the first month or so are just exhausting and painful. My baby had a REALLY shallow latch and nothing was helping, until I randomly came across the “flipple technique”. You can watch videos on YouTube. It really changed the way I breastfed. I’m 5.5 months in now and glad I stuck with it…it gets better day by day, one feeding at a time.
I waited until 6 weeks to introduce a pacifier and my baby won’t take one at all, but she has found her fingers so that works too. Around 3 weeks I started giving her one bottle of formula a day to give myself a break which has been very helpful. You do what you gotta do. Good luck!
Post # 56
Yay, congrats!! I was in a similar situation going to the pediatrician almost every day and crossing my fingers for a good number. My daughter nursed what felt like 24/7. And her latch was so painful. I caved and starting pumping in that first week because by the early evening I was losing my mind. Luckily the pain got much better by the three-week mark, and I was able to pump enough that someone else could give her a bottle. This was a lifesaver for nights, because even though I still had to get up and pump, my husband could spend the 60 mins she needed to eat and I was back in bed 15 mins later. I was scared about nipple confusion when we did this, but she’s totally fine. Still prefers her hands to the pacifier though.
You are doing an awesome job! And it WILL get better!
Post # 57
OK, I have breastfed and I have even pumped, and yes it is exhausting. However, I would ask that you please consider toughing it out, for your baby’s sake. Please note that I am NOT one of those breastfeeding militants, in fact I am probably the opposite, but do at least give it a try bc no it is not easy, and if you took any breastfeeding classes before having the baby they even tell you that you get to a point where you feel like you hit a wall but you have to try to keep going through all that. It doesn’t last too long and once it is past it is past, and you will look back on it and feel much better about doing that for your baby. You are very lucky that there are no latching issues and that your milk IS coming in.
Post # 58
I wanted to provide another updaate! We went to the lactation group again today….she gained 1.4 oz and is now 7lb 2.5 oz …. officially more than her birth weight (7.2)!! That is a huge milestone and I am super excited and proud. At the group today I was talking to one of the lactation consultants about her feeding patterns and we were looking at her weight gain and how much she is consuming at each feeding since I have been attending. The lactation consultant also watched her latch and examined my breast and nipple after the feeding. They think she has a lip tie and tongue tie that was not diagnosed by the hospital where I delivered or her pediatrician. They said its common for them to go undiagnosed as the hospitals and pediatricians do not always not exactly what to look for. She gave me the name of a few doctors to call to get baby evaluated. I was kind of frustrated that this hasnt been caught prior and maybe this is the reason for all our struggles and constant feedings. The lactation consultant was kind of 50/50 about whether or not she has it. She said she could be feeding constantly because she is 3 weeks old or beacuse she has a tongue tie and her latch isnt as effective as it should be. She did examine her mouth but said I should follow up with a doctor. I am waiting on DH to verify she has been switched to his insurance and then I will call the doctor. I am worried of course because I dont want baby to experience any pain or anything unneccesary but I have friends with children who have had the procedure done and know that it is quick and pretty painless to baby. I guess we will wait and see. If it is tongue and lip tie maybe its a good thing it was caught and can be fixed and then we will have a more positive breastfeeding experience. Thanks again for all the advice and support. I am still hanging in there! I will keep everyone posted after we see the doctor.
Post # 59
i hated breastfeeding. it stressed me out, which stressed my kid out – it was a never ending cycle and no one was happy. if i wasn’t feeding him, i was pumping. it was nuts.
i moved to formula bottles and it was FINE. he’s now a happy 4 year old. with my second kid – i didn’t even attempt breastfeeding because it was so terrible the first time. babies are fine as long as they’re fed. everyone will guilt you about everything – breastmilk only, bottles/no bottles, formula, etc. – find what works for you and ignore the rest of them.
good luck and congrats on your baby!!
Post # 60
They numb the area of the tongue/lip tie so the baby literally doesn’t feel anything and it’s a super quick procedure. My friend’s son had it and once it was discovered (also later, not in the hospital) things went so much smoother as she too had a really rough start. But if that isn’t the problem, please don’t beat yourself up. Some babies are not good nursers.