Post # 61
Hi Everyone. Not much of an update but a vent. I am calling the tongue tie and lip tie doctor today hopefully they can get us in soon. DD will officially be 1 month tomorrow. I have had a rough couple of days. I can’t stop crying. I am so sick of breastfeeding it is exhausting me physically and mentally but at the same time I do not want to give it up. She isn’t taking to a pacifier and even the other night I was so exhausted I tried to give formula with a bottle to get a break she wouldn’t take the bottle either. I want to stick it out until we see the doctor or 6 weeks but I don’t know if I can. My husband feels so bad for me because he sees me struggling and having this mental struggle about whether or not to give up. I haven’t been sleeping well because her latch is not good in the side laying position and it is making my nipples very painful. We also haven’t left the house since Thursday which I feel like is getting to me but it is cold and I feel bad taking her out. I did try to pump a few times but do not get much as she constantly drains me. Sorry for the vent just needed somewhere to write out my feelings. I hope I can start feeling like my old self soon. I wish I knew what the right answer is and what would make me feel better.
Post # 62
can I just say that this post was me 4 months ago? I remember just sitting in bed literally sobbing as she nursed for hours straight. Please keep pushing to see a doctor. And please don’t get so down on yourself that you lose sight of what’s important, which is being the best parent you can be no matter what the little one eats.
my girl still doesn’t take a bottle. We wasted so much money trying every type possible. For us the best was comotomo because they are soft and you can squirt the milk into the back of the baby’s throat. Also try a medicine syringe. Slow going but fine in a pinch. Can you put your husband in charge of bottle training and go to a different room by yourself? Just the constant physical contact is so draining and I’ve heard babies do better when they know mom isn’t an option.
You need to get out of the house. Even if it’s just wearing your pajamas to Target. Constantly isolating yourself is a recipe for disaster. If you haven’t already go get some of those cooling gel pads for your nipples and a little treat to make you feel more like yourself- I got a warm cardigan and nail polish lol. Try to leave baby at home for the trip but it’s ok if they have to come along. Babies have been cold before and you can give them blankets.
As for me, I got through it. She’s exclusively nursing still and if she would just eat during the day so I could sleep at night life would be good. I know you can do it too since this seems really important to you. But don’t let it cost you your happiness or your relationship with your kid. And make sure you’re letting Dad help. You’re very brave to get this far. Everything will even out I promise.
Post # 63
I’m sorry you are still struggling. I hope you can get the tongue tie sorted soon and hopefully it will make a difference. Have you tried different shaped pacifiers? My son would only take a certain shape he immediately spat the others out.
Also, if you try her with the bottle again you need to get your husband to feed her and make sure you are out of the room. If you feed her she can smell your milk and will just want the breast. my health visitor also suggested putting some breast milk on the bottle to start them sucking until they get used to it.
Sorry, if you’ve already tried these things. I know how frustrating it is. I know in the early weeks I just wanted to vent to somebody about how hard it was so please keep coming back and venting if it helps even a little bit.
Post # 64
It is so, so hard. But it does get easier! Two things that really helped me were working with a lactation consultant on latch issues (and general problem solving) and going to a breastfeeding support group. Do you have a group like that in your area? They are often at (or run by) hospitals. The group was so helpful in getting out of the house and also talking with other moms who are in the trenches, too. You feed the baby at the group, so it was less stressful than trying to go most places.
Post # 65
Although my breastfeeding days are behind me now, I completely empathasize with what you are going through! I remember those early days….weeks and months! They are HARD!
i work as a neonatal nurse and what I like to tell my moms , like others on here have posted, FED is Best 🙂
i work with babies who are exclusively breastfed, ones who are exclusively bottle fed, and ones who do a mixture of both and they all thrive!
Mom-guilt is a horrible thing….. I like to remind Mamas who are having a difficult time with breastfeeding and are considering stopping one very important thing:
Whatever you decide to do, in the end, is the right decision. ANY amount of breastfeeding is considered successful- whether it be latching your baby for one feed or feeding exclusively by breast beyond a year. It’s all successful! And for that, you should be commended 🙂
Post # 66
So I am not a mom, but I do know about the benefits of breastfeeding etc., and I really think women shouldn’t beat themselves up over something like this. It seems to ruin your entire parenting experience and I really wonder what you think would happen to your child if you stopped and started formula? I don’t mean this in a rude way at all, but I am really curious why people get so upset about this. My mom didn’t breastfeed me after I was about 2 weeks old because she couldn’t (however, this was 30 years ago in Germany and no one gave a damn), and guess what-I never blamed her lol. Believe me, I DO understand the benefits, I studied developmental psychology for a while, but seriously do all mothers nowadays expect their children to be smarter, skinnier, more attached and immune to any disease just because they’re breastfed? There is sooooo much more that goes into this! Are all women nowadays going to raise breastfed genuines? Nope. And that is fine! Not trying to toot my own horn, but I got a masters degree summa cum laude (in a second language), never had a flu or ear infection in my life and am pretty healthy and not overweight, despite being formula fed. I do get a bit angry on my mom’s behalf when I read that mothers who dont breastfeed are not giving their best blabla, because it is simply not true. Your sanity and feeding experience is worth more than breastmilk!
Again, I really really don’t mean this in a mean way, but I think that you should not blame yourself for something that will be such a minor issue in a few years, if not months.
Post # 67
Earlier I advised you to stick t out until approx 6 weeks but if you’re this miserable then it is not worth it. Have your husband in charge of bottle duty and either pump or formula feed. It’s going to suck but baby will take bottle eventually. It’s not worth this stress it’s causing you.
Post # 68
How many different types of bottles and pacifiers did you try? I would have hubby go to the store and buy 1 of everything. Babies can be very picky, and you might find a brand that works.
Also, even if you don’t want to take the baby, you need to get out of the house for your own sanity. Can you hubby watch her while you get a manicure or go to Target or meet a friend for coffee? Alone time is essential when dealing with a baby in winter.
Also, all of these people saying “it gets easier….” It might not. For lots of women, it doesn’t get easier. You have to do what you feel is right in your heart for you and your family.
You’ll get through this!
Post # 69
OP – I just want to say, regardless of breastfeeding, having a new baby is really tough and the worst was around 4-6 weeks. I felt so trapped and overwhelmed. Please make sure you are getting some time to yourself and getting out of the house. It is so important. Vent here, vent to a friend. Find someone who will listen without judgment. I know for me it was so hard having everyone say “don’t you just love this time?” when you are f*cking miserable!! I now look back and feel that happy “love this time” feeling, but in the moment it was SO HARD.
Be kind to yourself and know you will get through whatever comes your way.
Post # 70
Have you tried the football hold position with her? That can help with tongue tied babies.
I’d recommend calling LaLeche League. They can help you with support and ideas to help make things easier.
Post # 71
Hi Everyone! Thanks for all the responses! I wanted to provide an update. DD is 7.5 weeks old. I am still exclusively breastfeeding. Things have slowly improved. DD did have a tongue and lip tie and we got that corrected. I am attending a lactation group on Tuesdays and Thursdays and that has been extremely helpful. The biggest obstacle is at the lactation group they do a weighted feeling and each time we are seeing that DD is only consuming about 1.5 oz. That explains why she is feeding so frequently. Currently she is going about 1 – 1.5 hours start to start so I am getting a small break. I do think she consumes more at different times outside of lactation group. I always feed her before we go rather than making her wait which could skew the feeding. They also think that while she had the tongue and lip tie she wasn’t sucking efficiently so my supply decreased and now that it is corrected I need to work on increasing it so that she can start drinking more. I am going to keep going and see how it goes. It’s been extremely helpful. As far as weight goes she has been gaining exactly what she needs each week. She is just on the small side. I have been getting more sleep because we have been working on side laying so mentally I have been feeling more clear and positive. This past weekend the weather was nice and DH and I went out with DD we went to the park and then to a restaurant and I just nursed her as needed. It was so nice to be out and doing normal things that we used to together. It’s probably the most I have felt like my old self since giving birth. Mentally I feel like each day gets better but I still have rough days. My family has been coming over regularly just so I have some visitors and am not by myself so much. DDs attention span is getting longer and I am able to put her in her bouncer or on her play mat and get a little bit of a break. She is still not taking the pacifier. It’s a little challenging when she cries and won’t calm down I always give her the breast which is what the lactation people said I should do especially with a baby with slow weight gain. However some of my family and friends say I need to try to soothe her in other ways and I am creating a bad habit by giving her the breast. I just ignore them as I am not comfortable doing that just yet because I do not want her to not gain the weight she is supposed to in a week. I’m not pumping yet as that just stresses me out and her feedings are so close together I feel like it would take any break away but hopefully the feedings will space out and I can. Sorry if this update is all over the place. It’s been a while and I wanted to include all the info. Most importantly I wanted to say thank you for listening, providing support, and advice. I greatly appreciate it!
Post # 72
I’m glad to hear that things are improving! It sounds like you are doing the exact right thing. Definitely don’t listen to your family/friends. Some babies need to be held and nursed more frequently. My son was like that too. We had to hold him (while standing) for the first YEAR. It sucked but now he is 2.5 and perfectly normal. He is the sweetest and most snuggly boy.
Post # 73
Great job at persevering! My son had a tongue tie as well that we didn’t find out about or have corrected until 8 weeks. It was rough. Once it was corrected it only got better. If you are feeding right before your support group, she def won’t take a whole feeding while you’re there. Her taking 1.5 oz after a full feed is fantastic. If you can try to hold off next time just to see how much she takes, it would totally be worth it.
And don’t pay any mind to your family. You can not spoil a newborn. My son used me as a pacifier for the first 3 months! He is now a non nursing 19 month old who sleeps though the night and is comforted other ways, just fine!
Eta- you’re doing a fantastic job at this whole mom thing!!!!!