Considering them family

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 16
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

When we started living together I would say. 

Post # 17
600 posts
Busy bee

I agree with PPs that from a quick scan of your previous posts, you have an obsession with labeling/categorizing/ranking your relationships with people. Just work on building strong relationships with everyone you love and stop comparing one to the other. Having a good relationship with my husband is as important to me as having a good relationship with my mom and brother, but they all require different levels of attention.  

As far as other people not taking relationships as seriously until you are engaged/married, that’s their right to do so. I agree that it feels a bit arbitrary. My husband and I are emotionally no more committed to each other now than we were before we were engaged. But people outside of that relationship don’t have the same experience and knowledge that you do about it, so the ring is an outward symbol that shows the relationship is going to last. Some people are just not that comfortable getting close to everyone their family members date and prefer to wait until they know it’s serious.

Post # 18
2805 posts
Sugar bee

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soexcited123 :  We were together 4 months when the first big family holiday rolled around. D.H. came to Thanksgiving with my family. A month later, I attended Christmas with him, and he attended with me. By that point, we were already planning to become engaged. My family started treating him as part of the family when I told them he was the one. His family included me from the beginning, and I think they have different ideas as far as accepting newcomers. D.H’s past girlfriends were all included by his family.

I wouldn’t try to push or force anyone into anything. You’ve been together for a long time and aren’t married. That’s entirely your personal prerogative, and between you and your SO. However you have to understand that his family may be judging your relationship as non-permanent due to the fact that you’re not married. Some people function that way. A lot of families have a no ring, no bring mantra. I can understand it too. We had a family member dating a girl for about a year. She was at my family member’s family house frequently. She attended holidays and received gifts at gift giving holidays. Then they broke up. We all thought it was going to become an engagement and marriage, but it didn’t. Events like that inspire cautiousness.

If you’re going to marry your SO, there’s no sense in alienating his family out of impatience. Relationships cannot be forced.

Post # 20
10350 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

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soexcited123 :  

Well, I see you are  only really interested in  posts with which you can  feed  your  obsession ,  so I’m out . Good luck OP.  

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