(Closed) Constant Negativity from My Family…

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
219 posts
Helper bee

You’ve been together 7 years and are engaged, I don’t see the big deal. Parents have concerns obviously, but I think they’re being a bit crazy. I think you have two options:

A. Grin and bear it

B. Sit down with them and explain you’re happy and comfortable with the arrangement. They’re out of line and need to cut it with the comments.

If they won’t stop the comments, keep them 100% out of your financial life. Don’t tell them your salary, your FI’s salary, your home costs, etc.

Post # 3
Member
47430 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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sparklebee19:  Congratulations on buying your first home. I must say though, this is the first time I have ever heard of a registry for a housewarming. I always thought of a housewarming as an opportunity to share (read show-off) your new home, not to suggest to your guests that not only would you like gifts, but also specify what those gifts are to be. I would not do a registry and simply be happy with the gifts that some people may choose to bring to the party.

As for your questions, I think it is normal for parents to be concerned about their daughter. I would just deflect their questions and comments with ” Thanks for your concern but we’ve got that covered”. Making a conscious decision to not let their comments bother you, is really all you can do.

Post # 4
Member
9151 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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sparklebee19:  

  1. Don’t register for a house-warming. It’s not appropriate.
  2. Invite your parents to join you in the 21st century, where lots of women make more money than their husbands.
Post # 5
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

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sparklebee19:  Man I feel your pain. My mom is against my relationship with Fiance becuase he has some debt so she doesn’t think he can “be a good leader and support me.” I straight up told her that I wasn’t looking for a leader I was looking for a partner, and that I’m more than capable of supporting myself thank-you-very-much. She wasn’t happy but she hasn’t brought it up since. I’ve also told her in the past that if she insists on nagging on my relationship every time we talk that it will limit the time I talk to her. She wansn’t happy about that either, but she is kind of starting to chill out about it. My advice is to ask why they assume you haven’t thought about the financial aspect of your relationship, and let them know that it is none of their business and if they continue to bring it up you will be speaking to them less for the sake of maintaing your relationship. Maybe it’s harsh, but I absolutely cannot stand that kind of shit from parents to their adult children. Sorry for the rant. lol

Post # 6
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Lots of my friends registered for housewarmings so that seems perfectly natural to me. 

As to your parents I’d cut them some slack. Money issues are a leading cause of divorce. I think you should sit down with your parents and discuss their issues and your thoughts. If you are able to show them you are going to be fine with your BF current situation they may relax. Don’t be too hard on them, life is very challenging and having financial resources smooths the way, I’m sure they just want you to be safe.

Post # 7
Member
8779 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

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sparklebee19:  Ugh they are just being parents. Back handed compliments? That’s what they do. Poking their nose in? That’s what they do. Offering unsolicited advice? That’s what they do.

 

Try and grin and bear in and not read in too deeply into their question.

Post # 9
Member
10221 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
Daisy_Mae:  

Absolutely. Registering for a housewarming  !?  Is there no rite of passge or life event that is not being made a commercial transaction now !?  

Post # 11
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

View original reply
Esparklebee19:  Exactly! Unfortunately we also live in a time/place that often forces the choice between getting an education or being debt free. And education is usually so worth it.

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