Post # 1
So my fiance got inebrated and became inappropriate with 3 of my sisters. I know what you are thinking.. Disrespectful and you would’ve left him. However, he has changed his drinking habits for me to keep from losing me. I have loved him half our lives and really couldnt imagine being without him. However, my family and friends with the exception for a few do not like him but only tolerate him because of me. I constantly feel torn between them and have no idea how to resolve this… A lose-lose situation.. Can anyone relate???
Post # 2
Elaborate on “became inappropriate.”
Like, he made a dirty comment to them or like, he hooked up with all three?
Post # 3
bee123456789 : he touched their leg and grabbed an ass
Post # 4
So he sexually assaulted your sisters. Of course no one likes him.
ETA: How long has this supposed change lasted?
Post # 5
This is an easy choice. Side with your family. He sexually assaulted your sisters. How is that not an absolute dealbreaker?
I’m sorry for being blunt, but you really ought to leave him over that. You will find someone much better.
Post # 7
Joyce1 : Yeah, if I had a sister and her Boyfriend or Best Friend grabbed my butt I definitely wouldn’t like him either. Look, no one can tell you whether to stick with him or not…he *might* have really changed, and that’s up for you to decide, but you can’t really control (or be mad) the fact your family doesn’t like him.
Post # 8
- Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course
I think you need to call this what it is and stop sugar coating it as inappropriate. If you were out and a stranger grabbed your ass would you consider it inappropriate or feel assaulted? Your family is entitled to their justified feelings and you need to accept that they may never like him. Personally, there is zero chance of me staying with a man who assaulted my sisters. He’d be welcome to make changes for someone else.
Post # 9
Sisters before misters. Your family may (reasonably) never accept him. Can you really blame them?
Post # 10
Did he change his personality along with his drinking habits? Because alcohol doesn’t turn people into sexual offenders. It just makes people who are already inappropriate feel less inhibited and less likely to hide their asshole behavior.
You can’t make people change their minds. So you pick. And if you pick him, then you have to accept that the only thing that will likely change their minds is if they see actual sustained long-term changes in him (we’re talking years, not weeks or months here) and actual real remorse on his part for his actions – not just because he’s too scared of being alone and losing you – actual remorse to ALL parties involved. So, just know you have to be in it for the long haul and you’re picking a life where they will likely be at odds until they decide they have seen enough from him to overshadow the fact that he’s a disrespectful sexual abuser.
I would just keep in mind that if it seems like everyone else vs. one…the odds are not heavily in favor of just everyone else being wrong and the one being the stand-up hero in this scenario. They are probably seeing things you aren’t willing to see.
Post # 11
What in THE hell am I even reading here?
Your fiancé sexually assaults not one, but THREE of your sisters.
Drinking had nothing to do with it. People do not change who they are because of alcohol, it just takes the brakes off.
And you’re wondering why your friends and family don’t like him? That’ll a real head scratcher, all right.
Post # 12
If he had not been drinking it wouldn’t have happened even though it’s still no justification. I just can’t seem to pull myself away because my heart won’t let me.
Post # 13
- Wedding: July 2018 - Fremont, CA
What if he drinks again? What if, down the road, you two have a beautiful daughter and he drinks again?
You are an adult to make your choices. I’m sorry to say, but IMO you are choosing wrong.
Post # 14
Sounds like my ex… who did the same to my sister and other girls, always while drinking. He quit drinking, we got married, he started drinking again and guess what? Nothing changed. I should have known better but it took me 5 years of marriage to clue in. If you are having doubts please take them seriously. It’s not worth losing the relationship you have with your family
Post # 15
I am wondering what the context was of the inappropriate touching. Did all three incidents happen during the same occasion? Or all separate? Was everyone wasted and partying? How were the others acting? Where were you during this and did you witness it? Without knowing this info, right now I feel that the word assault might be extreme here.. or even the opposite-maybe it was worse.
how old are you? How long have you been together? Has he been your only relationship?