Constantly Feeling torn…

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
1409 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Elaborate on “became inappropriate.”

Like, he made a dirty comment to them or like, he hooked up with all three?

Post # 4
9683 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

So he sexually assaulted your sisters. Of course no one likes him.

ETA: How long has this supposed change lasted?

Post # 5
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

This is an easy choice. Side with your family. He sexually assaulted your sisters. How is that not an absolute dealbreaker?

I’m sorry for being blunt, but you really ought to leave him over that. You will find someone much better. 

Post # 6
975 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017


Post # 7
1409 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Joyce1 :  Yeah, if I had a sister and her Boyfriend or Best Friend grabbed my butt I definitely wouldn’t like him either. Look, no one can tell you whether to stick with him or not…he *might* have really changed, and that’s up for you to decide, but you can’t really control (or be mad) the fact your family doesn’t like him.

Post # 8
3452 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

I think you need to call this what it is and stop sugar coating it as inappropriate. If you were out and a stranger grabbed your ass would you consider it inappropriate or feel assaulted? Your family is entitled to their justified feelings and you need to accept that they may never like him. Personally, there is zero chance of me staying with a man who assaulted my sisters. He’d be welcome to make changes for someone else.

Post # 9
6660 posts
Bee Keeper

Sisters before misters. Your family may (reasonably) never accept him. Can you really blame them? 

Post # 10
4498 posts
Honey bee

Did he change his personality along with his drinking habits?  Because alcohol doesn’t turn people into sexual offenders.  It just makes people who are already inappropriate feel less inhibited and less likely to hide their asshole behavior.

You can’t make people change their minds.  So you pick.  And if you pick him, then you have to accept that the only thing that will likely change their minds is if they see actual sustained long-term changes in him (we’re talking years, not weeks or months here) and actual real remorse on his part for his actions – not just because he’s too scared of being alone and losing you – actual remorse to ALL parties involved.  So, just know you have to be in it for the long haul and you’re picking a life where they will likely be at odds until they decide they have seen enough from him to overshadow the fact that he’s a disrespectful sexual abuser.

I would just keep in mind that if it seems like everyone else vs. one…the odds are not heavily in favor of just everyone else being wrong and the one being the stand-up hero in this scenario.  They are probably seeing things you aren’t willing to see.

Post # 11
10687 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Joyce1 :  

What in THE hell am I even reading here?

Your fiancé sexually assaults not one, but THREE of your sisters.

Drinking had nothing to do with it.  People do not change who they are because of alcohol, it just takes the brakes off.

And you’re wondering why your friends and family don’t like him?  That’ll a real head scratcher, all right.

Post # 13
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2018 - Fremont, CA

What if he drinks again? What if, down the road, you two have a beautiful daughter and he drinks again?

You are an adult to make your choices. I’m sorry to say, but IMO you are choosing wrong.

Post # 14
699 posts
Busy bee

Sounds like my ex… who did the same to my sister and other girls, always while drinking. He quit drinking, we got married, he started drinking again and guess what? Nothing changed. I should have known better but it took me 5 years of marriage to clue in. If you are having doubts please take them seriously. It’s not worth losing the relationship you have with your family

Post # 15
867 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I am wondering what the context was of the inappropriate touching. Did all three incidents happen during the same occasion? Or all separate? Was everyone wasted and partying? How were the others acting? Where were you during this and did you witness it? Without knowing this info, right now I feel that the word assault might be extreme here.. or even the opposite-maybe it was worse. 

how old are you? How long have you been together? Has he been your only relationship? 

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