Constantly Feeling torn…

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
6231 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

You’re lucky the worst they’re doing is tolerating him for you while making it clear they don’t like him. I would have punched him in his throat – drunk or not. Sister’s boyfriend or not.

Post # 17
4916 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Gross. He’d got a good built in excuse for sexually assaulting people and you will be the long suffering wife who always covers for him.

Post # 18
597 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Of course your family and friends don’t like him, he sexually assaulted three of your sisters and you’re still choosing to marry him.

Do you even care how that affects them? Do they ever want to be around him again?

It isn’t helpful to play this off as him being drunk, i’m sure there’s much more to this story. 

Post # 19
531 posts
Busy bee

It’s not sexual assault. It’s sexual harassment.

Regardless, it’s a big deal and I can see why your family does not like him. I wouldn’t be comfortable with him again either if I were your sisters.

You said that he changed his drinking habits. But what about how he acts around other women? Has he said or done anything inappropriate even while sober?

If he has truly changed, then you might have to just have to try to keep the peace between him and the family, while respecting your family’s negative feelings towards him. But if other things have happened or if he hasn’t apologized to your sisters for his actions, then I think you should reconsider his sincerity.

Post # 20
665 posts
Busy bee

Joyce1 :  you can. You think you can’t but you really really can I promie you are strong you deserve better and you know that’s true. You can’t just blame this on alcohol. Something is really wrong w him. I thought I could bear to leave my ex fiancé but I did and I’m married to. Much better man. Say goodbye you got this!!

Post # 21
5885 posts
Bee Keeper

To quote a Bee from another thread- you could throw a rock and hit a better guy than this. 

It’s quite alarming that you feel ‘torn’ on something that would be a huge big ole dealbreaking red flag to most people. Those around you are alarmed because they can see this and apparently you can’t. 

I don’t know if you’re really naive or lacking in self-esteem, but you would benefit from therapy to learn what’s going on with yourself. Otherwise you will spend a lifetime being easy prey for the douchebags of the world, staying in relationships you shouldn’t, putting up with things you shouldn’t, turning a blind eye to things you shouldn’t. 

Decent guys do not grope their partner’s sisters, drunk or not. As others have said, being drunk doesn’t change what’s in their minds, it only removes the filter. To be blunt, this means the slimey bottom feeder lusts after them without drink, but sobriety alerts his brain it’s a good idea to keep his hands to himself. He’s using alcohol as a defense to you because he’s found someone gullible enough to believe the drink made him act out of character- when in fact drinking just lowered his inhibitions enough for the mask to come off. 

Post # 22
1090 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

You know what picking your Fiance over your sisters really says to them? That you don’t care about them or their feelings.

This will escalate sooner or later.

Post # 23
680 posts
Busy bee

Usually when family and friends don’t like your significant other, they are usually right. Trust their judge of character.

Post # 24
465 posts
Helper bee

Being drunk doesn’t turn a man into a completely different person, it just removes inhibitions.   You’re picking a creep over your sisters.

Post # 25
9961 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Hard pass.

Post # 26
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Upon meeting your family, a decent boyfriend will be polite and respectful to everyone in order to demonstrate he’s serious about you. He will make the effort to get to know your family members because they mean alot to you, the woman he loves.

This guy showed you he doesn’t see your sisters as his future family or worthy of his respect. Worse still, he couldn’t even see them as people. Merely sex objects to freely grope. 

You’re constantly feeling torn because you know you’ve made the wrong choice, alarm bells and sirens are going off all around you yet you keep walking down this path. Break it off with him and I promise you will feel at ease. You might feel scared to walk alone, but it won’t be forever. Surely you deserve a man who cherishes you and respects your family?

Post # 27
1631 posts
Bumble bee

I’ve been around a lot of blitzed out drunk men in my life and none of them grabbed anyone’s butt! The problem isn’t his drinking; the problem is he’s a creepy loser. 


Post # 28
7819 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

My Brother-In-Law is a hardcore alcoholic and he has never been inappropriate with any females. Because his problem is alcohol- not sexual harassment. Your man has problems beyond alcohol.

Post # 29
1679 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

But, but if he hadn’t gotten drunk this never would’ve happened.  

If my sister had said anything remotely like this after her SO sexually assaulted me I would disown her…after punching her in the face first.

Post # 30
4539 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

OP, this isn’t an alcohol problem. Alcohol can lower inhibitions but it doesn’t turn someone into a dirty inappropriate pervert. For example if someone got drunk and broke into your home and stole your belongings. Would you say hey its OK you were drunk or would you call them a thief? You are using alcohol as an excuse to sweep the reality of your guys personality under the table.

He sexually harassed not just one but 3 of your sisters! That’s no accident. That is deliberate and fairly methodical for someone who claims to be too drunk to realise what they are doing. If he feels comfortable grabbing the behind of your family members, what on earth does he do to other people that don’t know him??

Seriously bee dump this PIG! You are feeling torn because you know this is not a good guy. 

You are lucky your family tolerate him and that your family still choose to see you. I’d never ever feel comfortable in his presence nor would I trust him around any females in my family. If I were your sister you’d get a talking to and he’d be rolling on the floor cupping his 🍆 in pain!!

*please tell us that your sisters are at least adults and not young girls.


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