Contacting venue before engagement?

posted 1 year ago in Venue
Post # 2
6593 posts
Bee Keeper

As long as you both are on the same page I think its fine. If you were doing it behind his back in secret, that would be a no-no to me. But he gave you the go ahead right? 

Post # 3
381 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I say go for it! I might hold off on deposits or ordering a dress until you have the ring, but shopping for a venue, dress, etc. can be quite time consuming so you MIGHT have your ring by the time you’re ready to make your plans. Also, it can be quite difficult to order and alter a dress within 6 months, so you might be good to get a head start as it is. 

Post # 4
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

We booked our venue before we got engaged.  We knew we wanted a fall wedding, and we knew where we wanted to get married.  I called the venue to get an idea of their availability, and they only had 1 Saturday left in the fall.  We booked it on the spot.  We officially got engaged about a month later.

As long as you are both on board, I say go for it!!

Post # 5
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

I started contacting venues before we were officially engaged and I’m glad I did! We got engaged on September 1, 2018 and are planning for an October 13, 2019 wedding. Some places and vendors were already booking up (big reason why we’re going with a Sunday) but a lot were still available—didn’t want to chance waiting so I vetted venues and photographers mainly as they tend to get booked further in advance. As long as you and your SO are ready to start planning, don’t let the “official”-ness hold you back. Waiting longer to plan could put more stress on your plate (but it’s totally not impossible to plan a wedding in 6 months, just want to avoid unneeded stressors if you already know what you like/want). You can also check out vendors now and update them when you are engaged (if you do decide to wait until you’re officially engaged before booking them) and see if they’re still available on your chosen date.

Post # 6
3389 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Why not just get engaged? Why is he so set on a short engagement, despite giving you the go ahead to start planning anyways?

Post # 8
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - York, ME

I agree with sboom. Just consider yourselves engaged and start planning. He can still get you the ring and do a proposal if that’s what you both want, but I’m firmly in the camp that if you’re planning a wedding, you’re engaged.  A piece of jewelry shouldn’t change that if you’re both on the same page.

Post # 9
1572 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Location

We did this because it made sense.

My ring took longer than anticipated and time was running out for when we wanted the wedding and available dates. so he said go ahead and put down a deposit. 

We officiating announced the engagement when he proposed – that was a surprise! And actually sooner than I thought haha so yay 

Post # 10
725 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Ahhhh I’m in the same boat except for he does NOT want to talk weddings yet. I keep trying to explain that everything gets booked and he doesn’t “get it”. It’ll be a freaking miracle if we can pull this off. We’ve ordered the ring but it hasn’t come in yet & he still has to propose. We are going to get married summer 2019 so we have even less time than you do… I say if he told you to go for it then freaking go for it! You may wanna keep it on the down low though so that you don’t get tired of explaining yourself to friends/family over and over again. Plus then when you’re actually engaged they’ll be more surprised/excited for you! Congrats(:

Post # 11
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

We did… I’d already decided on a venue, and had a picture in my mind of how I wanted the wedding (chapel blessing, hog roast and a particular band). My OH visited my parents on the Sunday, to ask for their blessing. The three of them went straight to the venue, and got 2 potential dates. My mum then spent the next three days ‘pre planning’ to check out availability of caterers/the band. He actually proposed on the Thursday, and was able to say ‘if you want to, we can have our wedding on 4th August’. I love that the morning after we got engaged, the venue, caterer and band were booked!! Our engagement was 3.5 months, and I wouldn’t change a thing. It can be done, bee! 

Post # 12
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

Do it. I’m planning a September 2019 wedding. We got engaged in April and waited a couple months till after my sisters wedding to start any planning. Several venues we looked at (some of them would be top choices) were completely booked up for ALL of 2019 already, and others that weren’t booked had limited dates open. I thought 14 months was plenty of time but was shocked by this. I wonder if we started looking earlier if it would’ve made a difference or not, but it seems more typical now for weddings to be planned out up to 2 years in advance.  Our top band choice was already booked, too. I’m not sure if it depends on what area you’re in or if this is similar to how it is everywhere. 

At least look into it. If it’s a “dream venue” I bet it’s popular. You might even want to consider yourselves engaged now before the ring and book it, depending on what they tell you! 

Post # 13
4816 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Why don’t you just say you’re engaged now? You don’t need a ring. Have him propose with a cheapy ring for now and he can get the real one in this winter when finances are right. I wouldn’t plan anything or book anything without being officially engaged. 

Post # 14
2477 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

akm57 :  I’m sorry but you have savings, he doesn’t and he wants to get married by June of next year IF he proposes by December of this year, but with no job. That makes 0 sense completely. It doesn’t sound like you should be looking at venues when he can’t even afford a ring yet. Even with good jobs it takes time to settle in and start saving money on top of already paying bills (assuming you guys do). I’m just really against putting the cart before the horse. If he wants to get married so quickly where is the money going to come for the wedding in 6 short months that he can’t find for the ring? Parents paying for it? You’re paying for it?

Post # 15
842 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

akm57 :  I did this!  I contacted my dream venue about how far in advance they typically book and it was 18 months!  They were already almost completely booked for the upcoming year.  After discussing it with my Boyfriend or Best Friend at the time, we decided to go ahead and book the venue before we were officially engaged.  He had a timeline in mind of when he wanted to propose and we were afraid that there wouldn’t be many dates available for 2018 if we waited.  Now we are 5 days away from our wedding and I’m so glad we did this!  We got our dream venue on a date that was special to us 🙂

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