(Closed) Cont'd former BM/friend drama

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
7528 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

If your  moh texted her about the trip and she told your moh she wouldn’t be able to make it, I’m  not really sure what the problem is?

Post # 4
Member
3584 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
FutureMrsCalloway:  just send her a wedding invite as a guest and expect the least from her. If she disappoints it will be expected and you won’t be as mad. Try to be the bigger person for now and after the wedding you don’t have to talk to her if you don’t want. What’s the reason why she dropped out to begin with?

Post # 5
Member
29 posts
Newbee

She advised the host, your Maid/Matron of Honor who sent the text invite, she wasnt able to make it. She doesn’t need to send or say anything to you about the bach party. Are you all even in contact right now? Id imagine her declining to be your Bridesmaid or Best Man and already letting you know she isnt coming to your wedding is a strain on the relationship. 

As far as sending her a shower invite or wedding invite. I would give her a call and tell her you passes her name & address to shower host and hope shes able to come. Same thing with the wedding invite, call her and tell her you know she wont be able to make it, but wanted to still send her an invite for the fridge. One thing though, before you call her about these two wedding related events invite her out just to hang out. Make time for your friend that has absolutely nothing to do with you getting married.

Post # 8
Member
4241 posts
Honey bee

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FutureMrsCalloway:  Maybe she assumed it was a surprise bachelorette so that’s why she didn’t text you? Or, since the Maid/Matron of Honor is the one communicating, she doesn’t see the need to text you as well? I’m honestly having trouble seeing the issue here. Why did she drop out of the wedding? 

Post # 9
Member
824 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think it was fine for her to text the Maid/Matron of Honor and not sure why you would expect her to text you. But she is a flake, saying she wanted to be involved and then not being available ever? As to whether or not to invite her to the shower and wedding, that is up to you, but I can tell you that it is not worth doing things for etiquette or to be nice, if it is going to cause you undue stress. I made this mistake and may never fully forgive myself for that. So what if I always did the right thing? It left me with some painful and disappointing memories. These are YOUR memories that you are creating, do not give that away. You deserve this time in your life to be happy.

Post # 10
Member
5152 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
FutureMrsCalloway:  Always be the bigger person. I would send both invites, though you know she won’t attend. Then after the wedding, decide if you want her in your life or not.

Post # 11
Member
29 posts
Newbee

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FutureMrsCalloway:  yes, its definitely worth it.  Since you are the bride to be you in a way have more power in this situation because she dissappointed you. To get thr friendship back on track she has to feel that everything is really ok between you too. Its awkward. Just is. The fact she’s coming back for someone else’s wedding is a reminder to you both that she dissappointed you. More awkward. Such is life. Are you going to that wedding as well? Since you know when she will be in town next clear your schedule so you can see her when she. Wether you guys go out for cocktails or  you pick her up from the airport or you accompany her to the local nail salon for last minute other-wedding errands just see her in person.

Post # 12
Member
29 posts
Newbee

I just the read part about the hubby bday/ wedding date. Her text may have been out of the blue to you because you werent privy to the bday party planning process.  If this girl is really a good friend of yours she was not overjoyed when she texted you shw couldnt be in your wedding.  Id likely back out of a wedding if the date was my man’s bday and the couple was more my friend than my his. Throw in a family get together planned by me or his family and that’s a wrap. You can’t be in two places at one time. Is it a milestone birthday for your friend’s husband? Rihanna just had a huge 27th bday party milestone or not people are celebrating bdays. Dont forget to send her hubby a bday card in the mail. Little touches go along way to show someone they are forgiven.

Post # 13
Member
3610 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
FutureMrsCalloway:  I couldn’t make a friend’s bachelorette recently and told her Maid/Matron of Honor (who is planning it) via group email, as did a few other people. None of us texted our friend, the bride, directly. Everyone is still friends and no one is disinvited to the shower or wedding as a result of not telling our friend directly that we can’t make her bachelorette.

If she’s genuinely sorry for dropping out of your wedding, which it seems like she is based on your posts, disinviting her and breaking off the friendship over the bachelorette party thing sounds like a major overreaction, IMO.

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