(Closed) Contemplating breaking my engagement

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2037 posts
Buzzing bee

@ashokindia:  I’ve been a waiting bee for a while and we talk about this a lot on the waiting boards.  It’s where the non engaged bees go gripe, vent, figure out why we want to get married so bad and some of us talk about pressuring for a proposal or leaving the relationship.  Do you think you resent him because you had to ask him for a proposal…and now that you have it you wish he did it on his own?

I’m sorry you are feeling this way.

Post # 4
8471 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

So sorry you are going through all of this.  Marriage is a big deal, and you should be sure about it.

If you are truly NOT in love with him anymore, I don’t see how you could possibly go through with getting married.

How did this happen?  Who knows.  I believe that feelings can just change for whatever reason.  The important thing is to be happy.

Good luck!

Post # 5
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Ugh. Been there, not a fun place to be!

Nothing like realizing you don’t actually want to marry someone.

I hope everything goes well!

Post # 6
298 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - White Point Garden, Charleston, SC

If you truly think it’s over, break it off.  I would try seeking counseling though before ending it if you’re unsure at all.

Post # 7
1956 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Was it the engagement that brought on these feelings? If you are definitely breaking off the relationship, it’s better to do it now than when you are actually married.

Post # 8
295 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

why did you pressure in into purposing?

why do girls do this?

if he wants to, he will do it on his own time. 


Post # 9
1270 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1994

I married my best friend. Best choice I ever made. I did push him a long to propose. After he did, I freaked out a little. It is normal I think. I could never imagine myself with someone else. ‘In love’ is what I consider happens early on in relationships. Over time, the excitement cools off. I love my husband with all my heart, and have a deeper appreciation and love for him than when things were super exciting.

Post # 10
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@ashokindia:  years ago I was dating a guy. Well, I wanted him to make it official and he just wouldn’t. The second he finally made me his girlfriend, I wanted out. I realized I liked the idea of a boyfriend at the time, not him as my boyfriend. Is it possible you wanted to be engaged and married, but maybe you’re realizing that you don’t want those things with him?

My advice would be to sit back and think of your future with and without him. Does it make you sad to picture a life without him? Does it make you happy to picture a life with him? Only you can figure out what you really want. 

Post # 11
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@ashokindia:  I think you need to talk to a counsellor to get to the bottom of WHY you are feeling this way, they can help you get your feelings sorted out. It could be just fear of such a big and serious life change or it could be your gut telling you that this is not what you want.

You saying you have no desire for anyone else seems to me like maybe you do want to marry him and so maybe its just  “cold feet” or anxiety because marriage is a huge deal and if that is the case it is very normal to second guess it a little bit.

You definitely need to be sure before you get married, so if you are not sure you should not proceed with marrying him.

Good luck, i hope you get it figured out!

@S.Elizabeth.G:  +1

Post # 12
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

This is probably why girls shouldn’t pressure guys into marrying them. Marriage isn’t just a proposal and a ring, its spending the rest of your life with someone. I don’t think this is the right thing for you, if your having thoughts like this for 7 months.. that’s beyond normal fears and apprehension.


Post # 13
7437 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

Sounds like maybe you got more caught up with the idea of a wedding than a marriage. I think if you’re having this many doubts, you need to rip the bandaid off and end it.

Post # 14
1938 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I got engaged in July, and thus far my days have been peppered with the thoughts of “wow, how did I get so lucky to find such a great man,” and “this was SO worth all of the trial and errors of dating in my 20’s.”

If you aren’t having thoughts like these to compensate for your fear, then this is probably not the guy for you.  And note that acknowledging that you should be feeling lucky, is not the same as being actually grateful deep down inside.



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