(Closed) Contemplating Divorce… never thought I'd be posting this!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 78
763 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@sadbee:  I am curious about the conviction from God you feel. Can you elaborate on that? I, too, am a Christian, so I understand being convicted by the Holy Spirit. Is your husband a believer? I totally know what you mean about a relationship being in step or out of step with the Spirit. Do you two go to a couples’ bible study, attend church, pray together?

Post # 79
783 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

You sound frustrated and with little support. So no wonder you are feeling the way you do! I would try to open up to your husband and definitely do couples counseling. That way a professional can help guide you, you can share your concerns in a safe space, husband sees the gravity of the situation and hopefully help this sink in and motivate him to change too, and work on it. Good luck! 

Post # 80
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@sadbee:  Hi Sadbee.

What I meant by my post regarding working opposite hours is that, at the end of the day, if you truly have a connection with eachother and deeply love eachother, then working opposite hours is something you both naturally manage to work around. I say this from experience. I work nights (I have been for the past 9 years) and my man works days. We have been dating for nearly two years, and although we are at opposite hours, we still feel romantic and close towards eachother. My guy is supportive of how hard I work and understands that its just part of having to pay the bills. But the other advantage is that I work from home, so perhaps that makes things slightly easier because he can be with me while I work sometimes.

But regardless, I do know other couples who have the opposite schedule thing going on who seem to be just fine. My best friends sister just gave birth to her second baby with her husband of 5 years (relationship for 10). And he works nights at a factory, and she works during the day. But they seem to be doing alright and as far as I know the babies have brought them closer together. But that is because they already have alot of good communication and have a closeness to their relationship that makes the opposite hours a little bit easier.

From what you describe already about the things that bug you about your hubby, it seems that maybe he is a bit closed off to begin with. You know, about the whole not saying happy new year and happy brithday yeada yeada.

But I still believe that its what you do when you are TOGETHER that keeps the glue of the relationship. You seem to be doing your part. He needs to do his by being more enthusiastic about the little things.

But if you just had a great weekend with him, well thats GREAT! And its things like that that really keep the spark going despite the opposite hours. 

WOW this ended up being way longer than I intended…please forgive me. But i hope it helps.

Post # 81
15 posts
  • Wedding: March 2015

@sadbee:  sometimes you can make small issues that can be resolved with good ol’ communication a lot bigger than they are. Reading your post i get the feeling you stare at him and say “what the hell was I thinking”. In reality marriage is work. And eventhough these things seem like an ocean right now it might not really be that way. Maybe if you sit and talk he might also bring up these same problems. Sometimes we think the other person is oblivious to the issues in the relationship when the reality is that they actually feel the same way, its just no one is talking. So talk talk talk. Even if it stings. 

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