(Closed) Continue friendships with these people??? LONG!!!

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3135 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I’m not sure when you were married, but they have a year to send a gift. 

A destination wedding can be tough for people to swing, esp if they have young children. And especially if someone is pregnant. You husband should realize that a young family like that may not have extra cash for a vacation. 

It’s his choice to end these relationships, but I don’t think it’s the right choice. 

Post # 4
Member
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I agree with the above poster…I would not ‘end’ the friendship over it.  Certainly, he can voice his concerns/hurt feelings, and a good friend would listen, and hopefully rectify the situation.

Also, I think that when marriages happen later in a group a friends, you run the risk of them  not being there AS MUCH as he was for them.  NOT bc they do not care, but bc lives change, especially when babies/children are involved!  It  just makes it harder to pack up and go for the weekend(s) involving the wedding,

With that said, would I be hurt if my ‘great’ friends did not attend my wedding?!  Yes, but I would also have to understand their situation a tiny bit too, and then again, express my feelings!!

 

Post # 6
Member
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@texasbee:  That is absolutely fair to feel those things!  Unfortunately, they cannot read his mind, so again, I think it would be best for him to vocalize these things, and then if they continue to be/act the same, then their friendships may just lapse.  It sucks when your friends hurt you 🙁

Post # 7
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I wouldn’t count A out for missing a Destination Wedding because his wife was pregnant– that’s a valid excuse. 

However, B and his wife don’t sound like great friends.

Also, I think he should work on understanding the spirit of gift-giving– you don’t keep tabs or expect anything in return for a present.  It sounds like he’s upset because you all spent so much money on these friends and the friends didn’t return the action… but that’s not how presents work? 

Post # 8
Member
748 posts
Busy bee

It’s not necessary to end the friendship. I do think it’s necessary for your Darling Husband to understand that these are not real friends, they don’t care about him, and it’s no longer necessary for him to make an effort to be friends with them. We’ve all had friends like that at some point, and we need to learn to accept them for acquaintances (since they obviously don’t reciprocate the friendship) and that’s that. If he can’t deal with that, then yes, he should cut contact with them, without letting them know or anything.

Post # 9
Member
7409 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree with  bookworm88.  Couple A seems more legitimate- I would not have loved my husband to go away to a Destination Wedding when I was pregnant and could not travel.  Couple B sounds like they have issues of their own and may not be worth salvaging the friendship.

Post # 11
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

The PPs already gave good rationale why friend A didn’t attend, which I agree with.  It would be super surprising if a pregnant woman let her husband attend a Destination Wedding without her.  The reason you may not have heard from them since, though, may be that they had some pregnancy/birth complications.  Do you know if the baby was healthy?  Maybe it was hospitalized, or the wife had complications.  I’d definitely cut them some slack.  Plus, having even a healthy newborn is going to take up your time and keep you from getting around to sending cards and gifts to friends.  Maybe the baby is colicky and the parents aren’t getting any sleep… there could be a thousand reasons.

Friend B sounds like he has quite the wife!!  I think I’d blame that whole situation more on him being controlled by his wife.  Sounds like she wants to be in charge of every conversation her husband has, let alone where he goes and who he’s friends with.  I wouldn’t be surprised if he really wanted to meet up with you but couldn’t because she threw a fit or something.

Post # 13
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

If its lack of communication, then maybe he should just no longer seek them out, let them do the contacting. If they say something about it, he can bring up the fact that its a 2 way street, and the phone/email/text works both ways. 

I deal with this with “friends” too, and I just keep them at arm length

Post # 14
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

in my personal experience when friends become parents their priorities change.  doesnt make them crappy friends, just friends that have different obligations (family/children) and as a result we see/share differently than in the past with them because thats the reality of double income no kids v parent families

i wouldnt kick a frienship to the curb over lack of gifts but some friendships die a natural death and thats ok, it happens because our lives change constantly

Post # 15
Member
2263 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Just wanted to add, you probably will not get a wedding present… if so great, but in my own experience the 1 year rule is followed by very few and those who use that as an excuse will typically forget in time. 

I am sorry you two are going through this but I would encourage you both to stop communication and see what kind of relationship is there on your friend’s end…. if none then maybe you are just moving in different directions and the relationship will fizzle out on its own. I really do think time will tell if they want to be your friends or not. 

The topic ‘Continue friendships with these people??? LONG!!!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors