Post # 1
I am hoping for some solid advice here so hoping all of you can help me out 😉
We have been ttc since shortly after our wedding, we just reached the 2 year mark a few weeks ago. About 3 months ago I was getting very frustrated with all the fertility meds, doctors appointments, blood tests and nothing working for us. So I decided I was going to apply once again for the 2 year program I have tried getting into before but didn’t make the cut, this is something I have always wanted to do and am very passionate about but doesn’t make a lot of money…I would essentially be going back to school for 2 years to make a bit less than what I do now. I have a very good, steady job with great benefits…its not what I went to school for originally but it’s work, that I also happen to hate and have to force myself to go to everyday. The hours would not be as good if I choose to go back to school (the new profession would have way more evening, overnight, weekend and holiday work). I would also have to give up on ttc for the next few years if I go back to school as I don’t want to have to quit halfway through to give birth…
My husband is turning 36 right away and I just turned 32, so waiting a few more years to keep trying really scares me, especially since we are still having trouble and have not resolved all of my fertility problems yet. On the flip side, not having a career I enjoy also scares me as there is no way I can do the job I am in now for 30 + more years…and what if it still takes another year or two before we do get pregnant? I am tired of living my life on hold waiting to get pregnant, but I also don’t want to give up on trying.
What should I do? I have until the end of February to pay the deposit to hold my spot in the program and I am torn between going for it and finally having the career I have always wanted or continuing to try for the baby I also so desperately want.
Post # 2
I’m gonna say apply for uni and stop putting life on hold for TTC.
It took me 2.5 years to get pregnant with my son and I changed jobs during that time because I was so unhappy with my work. And you know what, I fell pregnant naturally just after my 1 year anniversary at my job and so would qualify for our enhanced maternity pay.
sods law says that by apply to school and accepting your journey might be longer, you’ll fall pregnant.
I would say don’t stop trying though. Yes, move forward with things, but don’t put the goalie back.
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2018 - Location
I would apply for the program and see what happens. keep TTC and if you fall pregnant, yay! If not, you’re pursuing your dream career. Neither situation is bad. good luck
Post # 4
You can always change jobs without going back to school. Going back to school for a lower paying job doesn’t sound like a smart idea to me (and I’ve done 8 years of post secondary education). Not to mention if you have to take out student loans for this program that will hinder your financial situation when you do have children because you’ll be paying them back.
How badly do you want kids? If it’s not a priority for you then go back to school but if you’ll regret not having kids for the rest of your life or regret not continuing ttc and having kids is high on your priority list I wouldn’t stop ttc.
post secondary education will always be there, your chance to have a baby will not.
Post # 5
If you got pregnant during the course would you be able to defer it not quit?
Post # 6
I would only quit TTC if you’re okay with possibly not ever having children. If that’s a no, then I would continue doing whatever you can to have children. But you can also pursue school as well!
Post # 7
baybeecakes : You do realize that all the Bees are going to say what they would do.
Me personally, I would not quit TTC to go back to school for an even lower paying position than I have now. But that’s because I work to live, not live to work. Having a family is more important to me than having a career, and that’s going to be different for every person that gives their opinion.
And if you have a job already in a field that your degree is not in, then you can find another that you may find more fufilling without spending the time and money on more schooling.
Post # 8
fran01 : I have heard of people being able to defer a second year if they fall pregnant in the first with different programs so that may be a possibility. But if I got pregnant before school starts (which isn’t until Sept) I would have to reapply. Re-applying would be slightly harder to do next time as the required 40 hours of field work (volunteer) I have done will be over the limit by then, as they are only good for 4 years…it is definitely something I could look into if I decide on going back though!
redmango : I do realize that everyone is going to give an opinion based on what they would do if in my situation. That is kind of what I was hoping for 🙂 I don’t have a lot of people close to me, and the ones who are that are willing to give their opinion feel like I should keep trying. With the exception of my husband who supports me fully in either decision, he wants me to be happy in my career and he also wants kids…and is willing to wait until he is almost 40 before we have one. So I just wanted to see if anyone at all felt like I should go the other way and take on school, or if everyone feels like my parents and a couple of close friends I have talked to. Thank you very much for your opinion! I have been thinking the same in regards to just finding a different job without going back to school, it might take awhile to find the right fit but at least I can be making money while I do!
Thank you to all the other Bees that I didn’t directly reply to!!! Your thoughts and votes and even likes on others posts have been very helpful and it’s nice to see why you pick one way or the other…or even both!
Post # 9
Personally, I would not go back to school to what sounds a lower paying + alot more demanding job? That is not a smart idea to me.
I understand that being passionate is important but there needs to be a cost benefit analysis here and it sounds like alot more in cost column then benefit.
Kids are expensive, what if you have to do IVF how will you support/pay for that only on your husbands salary? Can you afford your child or more than one on your lower salary or will it seriously decline your lifestyle..
Since you say alot of weekend/night work is your husband okay covering all that or is that extra cost for nanny you will need, if you work all this overtime are you okay missing all this time with your baby? Weekend time would be crucial family time to spend with your husband and baby..
I work in a high stress career but it also brings in a very good income so luckily my passion is paying off, I do work alot of extra hours however my weekends are free so when me and my husband do start a family I know i will be available all weekends even if I have to miss bedtime sometimes..
Just things to consider.
Like i said i completely agree that passion is important but life and children are expensive and sometimes passion needs to be compromised for reality.
All the luck to you bee
Post # 10
- Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL
Hmm. Will you accumulate debt while in school? If yes, then I wouldn’t even bother. Losing your benefits, losing time for interest accumulation on a 401k, taking a pay cut, and then having to pay back loans to boot? Nope. If no loans and no cutting into savings, then MAYBE I would entertain the idea. To be fair, I’d say like 80% of people don’t love what they do, but they do it so they can support their family.
Having a new job with a reduced wage and more hours working will only take away from your future family. I would keep the job you have now, and don’t give up on TTC. Maybe apply to the program and see if you get in. If you do get in and you think it’s worth it, do both.
Post # 11
I went through almost 4 years of infertility treatment before getting pregnant with our first. So my perspective comes from having been in part of your shoes before.
If I had reached the point where I was at peace knowing we might never have children, then I would say apply for the program and pursue your dream career.
If I still desperately wanted kids, this program (and career) does not sound great for family life. I’m not sure why you couldn’t take a mat leave during the program? My friend just finished her PhD and took 2 maternity leaves over the course of her program. Plus, a job that requires lots of OT, nights and weekends will leave your SO single parenting a lot during times that are traditionally family time. If he works a 9-5, you’ll barely be home at the same time with your kids. Plus, I’m pretty much never a fan of more schooling for less pay. I changed careers after I had kids. I had to find something with less travel so I could be home with my kids as much as possible while still having a career for my sanity.
Maybe there’s a middle ground? A career change that doesn’t involve putting TTC on hold for 2 years (in your precious 30’s!) and a pay cut with worse hours?
Post # 12
What is the schooling/career that you are looking to go into? I went to school for a two-year program and I though I would love it but it really sucked. Do you know people that are in the field that you want to go in currently to ask their opinions on it?
Post # 13
I am TTC and have applied to go back to school this year. However, the program I’m hoping to get into would lead to a better paying job and more stable hours. My current job requires rotational shiftwork, including weekends/holidays/overnights as you described. It’s tough! Although lots of professions require shiftwork and many people find a good work-life balance, I’d recommend thinking it over carefully first if you haven’t had that type of schedule before. I am debating as well whether I’m willing to accumulate more debt by going back to school (this would be my second Master’s degree), or if I should focus on trying to find a better job with what I already have. Meanwhile, I am not planning to stop TTC as Darling Husband and I have agreed that it’s our top priority right now. If I get pregnant while in school I’ll apply for a deferral.
I hope that helps … I am all for pursuing your dreams and I think education is invaluable. Less money and a difficult work schedule might negatively affect your quality of life though, and I wouldn’t stop TTC for it.
Post # 14
If you have been trying for 2 years unsuccessfully you are classed as infertile. Do they know why? A woman’s age is a key indicator in relation to success of fertility treatment and starting at 32 would usually be better than starting at 34, although everyone is different and the statistically significant age for fertility to drop is often said to be 35.
If you definitely want a baby I would do that now. If you’re ambivalent and would be ok if it didn’t happen then you can choose to go back to school. Or of course as others have said you could go and keep TTC if you are prepared to drop out if you get pregnant.
Post # 15
Even if TTC was not in the picture, I am not sure that going back to school for a lower paying job with evening, holiday hours is a good idea. Even if the work itself is your passion, a difficult boss or other circumstances could lead to you being unhappy.
Consider first what job you could get with the education and experience you already have. People put themselves in a box and think that they are only eligible for a narrow range of jobs based on the degree or experience they have.
I regret obtaining a master’s to get me into a low paying field with the crazy hours you describe. I am now doing a job I like that I could have gotten with my bachelor’s. I also regret not trying to conceive earlier as it turned out to be too late.