(Closed) Contributions to honeymoon fund

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 18
Member
1865 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

goldenglow90:  so if there is no deadline, why are you expecting people to send gifts before your wedding? 

Post # 19
Member
3224 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

goldenglow90: you specifically asked about the etiquette of this and pointed out that you were on the etiquette board for a reason. So here’s the etiquette: it is rude to ask for money, it is rude to put anything about registry/gifts on the invite, and your invitation should not be sent out until 2 months before the wedding at the earliest. 

Post # 20
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Is it normal in the UK to put registry information on the invitation? In the US, it would seem pretty rude.

Post # 23
Member
1163 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

You’re missing the point. It’s not about the honeymoon registry itself.  It’s your entitled attitude.  Not sure what you were thinking booking a honeymoon you couldn’t afford with the expectation that your guests would pay for it.  I personally have no problem with honeymoon registries but you should never EXPECT any kind of gift from your guests, just be gracious when they do contribute.  You should have never expected your guests to pay for your vacation you can’t afford, sorry.

Post # 25
Member
12229 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

goldenglow90:  Both traditional and contemporary sources are in universal agreement that any mention of gifts whatsoever in or included with the invitation is presumptuous and rude. You aren’t supposed to be thinking of gifts at all, let alone telling people what to give to you. 

Honeymoon registries themselves are debated. Traditional etiquette considers a honeymoon as a lifestyle choice, not an entitlement, and a registry that asks for money, as no more than glorified begging. Realize, too, that such services do not even provide services. People send money, and they cut you a check, minus their fees. You could use the money to pay your bills or buy video games and no one would ever know the difference. 

The fiction behind a traditional registry is that people have to seek it out and uncover the couple’s list of things they are collecting for their new home. No one keeps a list of money donations they need for their vacation trip. Registries themselves are frowned upon by traditional etiquette,  but tolerated as long as the connection between the list or the link is arms length or third party. 

More contemporary sources okay the honeymoon registry, but again, they prohibit any mention whatsoever by the couple directly or  in the invitation itself.

Beyond this, traditional etiquette says gifts, even wedding gifts are optional, but that guests generally are and should be moved to do so. While gifts are most properly sent to the couple ahead of time, people have up to a year to send, otherwise it’s more appropriate to call  an anniversary present.  Neither traditional nor contemporary etiquette allows for any kind of suggestion as to whether or when  a gift should be received. 

Personally, iI would not contribute and if I were getting married today would not have a honeymoon registry. Some will think they are fine and be happy to gift you this way, but many people are still turned off by them as a thinly veiled cash grab. 

Finally, by etiquette the honeymoon is the responsibility of the couple themselves. 

Post # 26
Member
5882 posts
Bee Keeper

j_jaye: My thoughts exactly. 

OP if you can afford your honeymoon, why does it matter when the guests contribute to the fund? I wouldn’t mind contributing to a honeymoon fund as I generally buy something off the bridal registry for the shower and give cash for the wedding itself- but it never even occurred to me to give cash- or in your case contribute to a honeymoon fund- literally months before the wedding…..so wtf, Bee? You may say money isn’t an issue, but it sure as hell seems like you’re trying to shake down your guests in advance to cover it. Also, just because you have a honeymoon fund, doesn’t mean people have to choose this option. They can contribute to the fund or give you cash or send you a gift wrapped present or even just a card wishing you well- and you should accept all of this graciously. Graciously. This is the key word. You’re taking it upon yourself to lecture others on etiquette but frankly you sound pretty pissy that money isn’t pouring into your honeymoon coffers.

 

Post # 27
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

If you already know the UK etiquette then why ask? It seems like you just wanted a bunch of people to give you ideas on how to get money sooner than you otherwise would…

Post # 29
Member
12229 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

kaycost:  Just like over here there is traditional etiquette and not so traditional etiquette. 

Post # 30
Member
1163 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

goldenglow90:  If money is no problem and you can pay for it now yourselves then I don’t see the problem.  DON’T make any mention of a deadline for people to give you gifts.  Ideally there should be no mention of gifts at all from you because you should not be presuming anyone will be giving you a gift.  I still think you don’t get it.

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