(Closed) Controlling FMIL, New to Wedding Planning

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
983 posts
Busy bee

Tell her it’s not her wedding…it’s yours. You’ve been planning your special day and planning the day YOU’VE always dreamed of for yourself, not her. Put your foot down now with her, or it will never end.  (15+ years experience with an xMIL)

Post # 4
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@jmaze:  I agree

All you can do is accept everything she’s telling you and let her control your wedding or stand up for yourself and take control. Nothing more to do other than elope and maybe hurt or piss of some people. I wanted to elope for family drama reasons, but I know it would hurt my dad if I didn’t have a wedding. You can try to talk to her and explain you want her to be s part of your planning, (if you want her to) but under your conditions. Good luck hun!

Post # 5
Member
4439 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@Canib:  Wow, sounds like she’s going to be a problem!  I would suggest planning the wedding you and Fiance can afford and stop telling them all the details that you can get away with not telling them.  Like you said, you have different priorities (saving money for home and family) and it sounds like they just want a big party!

Post # 6
Member
717 posts
Busy bee

@jmaze:  +1!

 

you and your Fiance should plan the wedding you can afford.  if the parents want to help, great.  if not, the wedding is still a go.  already your FMIL’s offer has strings attached. if you give her an inch, she’ll start bossing around the whole wedding.  this is your wedding, she had hers.  there’s no need for her to be so rude.  make the decisions that work for you and your Fiance and everyone else will just have to deal with it.

Post # 7
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

What does your Fiance have to say since this is his mother? I think he should be handling this situation or at least handling it WITH you. If he isn’t, that would be a HUGE problem for me.

I’ll tell you the same thing I tell other brides in this situation. Stand up to your mother, father, in-laws – whoever happens to be causing problems. If you don’t do it now, you’re setting the tone for your marriage. If you cannot stand up to them about wedding plans, then you’re going to run into issues in the future. You & your future husband will be encountering FAR bigger situations in your years of marriage that you will have to combat as a unit. This is only the beginning so please stand up to them.

Plan the wedding YOU want and YOU can afford. Stop telling her details. If that means you have to pay for more on your own, make it work.

Post # 9
Member
1304 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Canib:  “What are other big life decisions that I need her opinoin?  Just trying to prepare myself…”

Where to live.  How to furnish your home.  Where to vacation, and whether or not they should be included.  Whether to have children.  When to have children.  What to name the children.  How to raise the children.  How to educate the children.  How much time you should spend with your ILs.  Where to spend holidays.  Whether it’s appropriate to stay at a hotel versus with family during overnight visits. Etc. etc. etc.

Post # 10
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Canib:  Everything. Controlling “know-it-alls” will try to give you advice on everything.

Learn how to handle her. Use lines like “mm hmm” “we will keep that idea in mind, thank you”. Learn how to not answer her phones.

For real, if you can, keep her out of planning. She will bring stress to you.

Post # 11
Member
983 posts
Busy bee

raising your kids….lol.   My xMIL always tried to tell me how to raise my kids, how to discapline them, what i should/shouldn’t feed them…etc….drove me insane. I just ignored her and did my own thing, in front of her. I didn’t care if it pissed her off or not

Post # 12
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@ElbieKay:  SO true!!!! Controlling in-laws (or parents for that matter) will ALWAYS have an opinion on how you should lead EVERY aspect of your life – especially parenting!!!

Post # 14
Member
8331 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Um..what?! You and your Fiance do the inviting, not her. What is stopping you from inviting them? I would absolutely not cave in to her, because once she’s given you money for something, she’s going to hold that over your head until the end of time…

Post # 15
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I’m sure if you post your ideas and budget on here, many of the bees will be able to help you find ways to make your wedding happen beautifully with everyone you want in attendance.

Post # 16
Member
259 posts
Helper bee

Do not let her pick the venue, its like giving her a free pass to control your wedding

The topic ‘Controlling FMIL, New to Wedding Planning’ is closed to new replies.

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