Post # 1
Hi everyone, I’ve been with my husband for 5 years, married 2 years. We are young and I definitely went into marriage blindly. My husband has severe jealousy problems to the point where I’ve deleted social media, avoided watching certain movies, stopped wearing makeup and perfume out because he would question why I was getting “dolled up”. I don’t listen to certain music, watch shows or even talk about my job in fear of setting him off. I was recently venting to a male colleague at work about this and once my husband found out all hell broke loose. He now feel justified in being jealous as he feels I went behind his back having a male confidant, even though it was innocent and the only reason I didn’t tell him about it was because I knew it would cause a massive fight. We do not have any kids and I am starting to sink into a depression. I feel as if I am living for him and not myself. He is caring and loving towards me and has never gotten physical with me, but I’m afraid of living this way forever. We have tried counseling but it usually ends up as me adjusting my behavior (doing things to appease him) and not him actually changing. I feel like I have no purpose in life right now and I’m watching my life pass me by. I love him, but I don’t know if I can live like this forever or build a family. There are so many things I want to be able to do (go out with friends, get a tattoo, have freedom) but I feel like I can’t do this because of him. I try sticking up for myself but nothing ever works and I am exhausted from trying. My family and friends know about his problems as well. Please help.
Post # 2
confusedsadbee : How exactly is he caring and loving towards you? It sounds like you’re terrified of him! Please leave him, just because things haven’t gotten physical YET doesn’t mean they won’t.
Post # 4
Then leave, you are not happy and have already tried counseling which did/isn’t working. Love is not a reason to stay in a relationship, it takes more to hold a marriage together. Toxic relationship where one person feels they have given up everything that makes them who they are, is not on that list of making it work.
Post # 5
confusedsadbee : Bee, I am glad this hasn’t escalated to physical violence, but you must know that this is a horribly unhealthy relationship for you. Counseling has not helped.
If you leave, he will no doubt cry and beg for another chance and promise he’ll change. Then he’ll probably want to have kids right away.
Use birth control. Do not buy any large purchases or make any financial or job decisions based on you staying married. Have a consult with an attorney to discuss options. And do not listen to him when he insists he will change. He won’t.
Post # 6
I’m always so sad when I read a post where the Bee states that because her boyfriend, fiance or husband doesn’t physically hit her he is a good guy.
Abuse comes in many forms. Go see a therapist on your own, for yourself. Go get an IUD or some other form of long-term birth control less likely to result in an ‘oops’. Reach out to family and friends. This is NOT what marriage is supposed to be like, Bee, and it sounds as if you know that. Hugs.
Post # 7
You can’t wear perfume, listen to some music, go out with friends or talk about your job for fear of setting him off? That’s really extreme. You have tried to fix it but he doesn’t change. Obviously when people get married they hope never to need a divorce, but if you did make a mistake there’s no point in punishing yourself for the rest of your life. He may not be physically violence but that the standard for a good husband isn’t just that he doesn’t belt you. You should never have to be afraid of your own husband or regularly make yourself unhappy to appease him.
Post # 8
Ahhh so he’s using the abuser’s tried and true tactic of beating the victim down mentally & emotionally and then isolating her. The physcial violence will soon come.
I don’t know why you’re family and friends aren’t helping but you need to get out. Now you don’t just walk out on guys like this bee, you need to plan your escape, and then get far away from this pos.
GET OUT BEE……This will escalate into physical violence!
If you’re in the US: National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233 or https://www.thehotline.org
Post # 9
You need to get away from him immediately for your own safety. See if you can stay with a friend temporarily and pack a bag and leave when he’s not home to try to stop you. Someone so controlling he doesn’t let you watch certain movies or TV shows will probably not take it well when he finds out he’s losing control of you. He does not love you OP. He has been abusing you, but unlike physical abuse your scars are on the inside. Real love is unconditional.
Post # 10
This is abuse. Abuse usually escalates. Please don’t wait until he becomes even more abusive. This marriage will destroy your self-worth. GET OUT!
Post # 11
confusedsadbee : Bee you need to leave, all of this is abusive. Even if it never become physical this is no way for you to live. If not for you then just magine what kind of father a man like this would be should you ever have children. Do you want to live in a house watching your children be berated and cowed by a bully like this?
Seriously, get. out. now.
(Also he wont let you watch certain movies, wtf? even in the world of controlling a**holes thats a new one for me.)
Post # 12
confusedsadbee : Get out!!! Like now, he is abusive.
Post # 13
Get out, get out get out. Go to counseling but BY YOURSELF– do NOT bring him with you. Tell the therapist everything you wrote here and then get the help you need. He is an abuser and your life is only going to get worse with him. Please get help.
Post # 14
I second lifeisbeautiful. Go to a therapist alone. They will help you navigate leaving this awful and unsafe situation. Please please don’t stay married to this man.
Post # 15
If this was a normal situation I’d say it’s not acceptable or appropriate to talk about your spouse behind his back with a colleague, but in this case I’m very glad you did. You need to know that none of this is normal, and that it will only get worse. Leave him!