(Closed) Controversial Topic – What would you do?

posted 6 years ago in Babies
  • poll: Faced with the reality of having a mentally disabled child what would you decide to do?
    Terminate Pregnancy , No questions asked : (268 votes)
    47 %
    Continue the Pregnancy : (104 votes)
    18 %
    It would depend on the circumstances : (159 votes)
    28 %
    Unsure : (36 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 167
    979 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2008 - A tiny town just outside of Glacier National Park

    We both have a bit of guilt about it, but when we discussed this, we decided that a serious (detectable) mental or genetic defect would absolutely mean a terminated pregnancy. So far, our NT/combi scan and Counsyl genetic tests look great. I know that no test is foolproof and not everything is detectible, not to mention, there is plenty of caca that can be thrown at you by life injuries, but for an early pregnancy detection we would definitely have terminated. Not happily, but definitely.

    Post # 168
    327 posts
    Helper bee

    From PERSONAL experience I’m so so happy my parents didn’t listen to the genetic test! I would have been DEAD, non-existent whatever way you wanna put it. My parents were told I would 100% have something seriously wrong with me, and they said it looked like cerebral palsy or Down Syndrome. I am 100% normal and healthy. My mom was 40 when she had me, and they said they KNEW I was going to be very very defected. I came out normal and healthy with no problems. I graduated with high honors. Those tests aren’t always accurate. Knowing if my parents had listened to the doctors and aborted me, I wouldn’t exist, I could never take one of those tests on faith and go ahead and abort. I understand this was ages ago and mistakes might have been more likely to make, but still, if there is any chance at all my baby would be healthy, I would not abort. I wouldn’t ever have an abortion. That’s just me.


    Post # 169
    435 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    This is something where I think SO and I would disagree. I wouldn’t want to live my life disabled, nor would I want that for my child. I would therefore abort, though I certainly wouldn’t be happy about it and would feel horrible making that decision – I just know that I am not the right person to raise someone with that much dependency. SO on the other hand, grew up with his only sibling being severely disabled. His sister will never be able to live on her own and will always depend on her parents, and since SO grew up with his sister, I’m sure he would want to keep the baby and do the same as his parents. I don’t think the discussion would go over very well with SO, but I would be incredibly uncomfortable committing to be a parent with an adult dependant for the rest of my life.

    Post # 170
    1663 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I would never have an abortion just because the baby has problems. Of course it would be very hard emotionally, financially, etc. but I believe that God gave us that child for a reason. Seems really selfish to have an abortion because something isnt right, its like telling the baby, “hey, you’re not perfect, sooo…. See ya!”


    flame away!

    Post # 171
    1213 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2004

    @MrsN14:  Could not have said it better myself.

    Post # 172
    313 posts
    Helper bee

    @lenabee:  <3 +1000. God bless your parents.


    OP, I’m not sure if it’s already been decided, but since this thread has been revived, I feel compelled to weigh in. I would continue the pregnancy. Besides it being an ethical and moral issue, I also know that sometimes these diagnoses are incorrect. Prayers for you, I’m sure this is an impossibly difficult situation. <3

    Post # 173
    290 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    I think if the child had some disability that would either mean a very short, painful life or a life of agony and unhappiness then I would abort. I think it’s bizarre that we look at dying pets in pain and say the only humane action is to euthanize, yet euthanasia for humans is illegal and considered monstrous by some. (I do realize pets and humans are very different but the difference in subsequent sentiments is the strange part)

    Post # 174
    5889 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I’m firmly in the “Unsure” category and I’m surprised by how few other people are there with me.  

    This is a terrifying dilema to me and I can’t imagine having to make the decision, especially in a timeframe of weeks.

    Post # 175
    1724 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 1998

    I cannot guess as to the decision I would make unless I were in that position.

    I would ask if the doctor’s opinion was based on screening or diagnostic tests (the former being more prone to error). I would solicit a second opinion. Maybe even a third.

    I would research as much as I could about the disability. Many of those described in the first post are spectrum disorders.

    Morally, I do generally find termination disagreeable. I don’t think that I would ever get one. But faced with the prospect that not aborting (in the case of, say, Tay Sachs) would leave my child to a few years of suffering before dying, I would probably terminate. If a condition, like, say, anencephaly were diagnosed, I would carry the pregnancy to term…if only because some good might come out of the pregnancy. Those organs could spare other parents the same pain.

    If it were a condition that would impact cognitive function, but they would otherwise be able to live well with assistance, medication and other treatment, I would be less inclined to terminate. But still, I can’t say for sure what I would do.


    Post # 176
    2135 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @anon_bee87:  my younger sister  has Cerebral palsy, and she has no mental disability whatsoever. In fact, she was at the top of her class (regular classes,not “special classes”….wait, she was actually in several AP courses!)

    So,just because someone has CP or Spina bifida, that does not mean that they will always have the mental capacity of a child.


    Just something for everyone to think about.

    Post # 177
    3314 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I won’t terminate unless the only options I’m given are to terminate or lose both of our lives.  Any dr or person who dares to suggest aborting my child to me better hope they can duck and run faster than I can!!  All life is precious even if it’s not a life YOU would choose to live.

    The topic ‘Controversial Topic – What would you do?’ is closed to new replies.

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