- 6 years ago
Weddings and engagements bring with them a lot of pressure. But there is a lot of pressure with absolutely every facet of life. It isn’t limited to weddings and engagements. I think all the pressure to have this “perfect” moment in your life and the million dollar industry that promotes it causes this weird, adverse reaction that you see on the bee – people swinging to the other extreme to use the event as proof of their “lack of materialism,” their “good sense,” and “lack of lost emotional priorities.” Because having a cheap ring, or a cheap no-name dress, or cheap wedding doesn’t make you a good person. It makes you a person who chose to have a cheap ring, dress, and wedding. But that gets lost a lot on here and it turns into an us vs. them debate of the bee. The who has vs. the who hasn’t. The “righteous” vs. the “materialistic/lost/wrong.”
At the end of the day it’s basically just a collection of people from vastly different cultural and socio-economic backgrounds. Unfortunately and not unfortunately, people bring to the table years of perceived stereotypes, judgements on how things are, their own personal histories and personalities…and that’s natural and expected. But taking your own history/knowledge/life and viciously throwing it in the face of another who, more than likely, comes from very different circumstances simply based on a small block of characters floating around on the internet is a recipe for disaster. Add that to blatant disregard shown towards additional information, zero effort to essentially take things with a grain of salt, perhaps refusing to refrain from immediately disparaging another’s character since you DON’T know the whole story because this is the internet, and all that’s left is hurt feelings, a negative environment, and closed threads.
I have trouble understanding the recent uptick in blatant name calling and declarations of righteousness. And several of these instances have come on the coat tails of people being unhappy with the ring they were presented. (Ex: You don’t like your ring? How dare you! You materialistic brat! I would NEVER suffer the human emotion of envy! What? You clarified that you apologized and have regret for the situation and you’re simply trying to garner insight from others? I don’t care! You are a brat and deserve to be alone!). These verbal attacks benefit no one. Couple them with explanations that bees are just “telling it how it is/being honest” is no better. Attacking someone makes you no better than the person you are berating. That’s not to say that I don’t believe there is ever an instance of bees genuinely telling the truth and the OP incorrectly interpreting their disagreement as an attack when it is clearly, simply a difference of opinion. It absolutely occurs. I’m not arguing that. I just don’t believe that the “honest opinion+character insult+repeat hundreds of times until thread is forcibly closed” methodology is healthy or conducive to a friendly community.
That being said, this isn’t serving as my personal sweeping judgement that I cast on others nor is this an insinuation that no one knows of or understands the TOS. I’m simply witnessing these exchanges over and over again and they make me sad. Genuinely sad. There was another one today and while I don’t agree the OP handled the situation in the best of ways I truly don’t believe her mistake warranted an onslaught of namecalling and not helpful advice. I love this community and believe these instances are still in the minority. But I can’t help feel like the frequency is rising.
I suppose I just don’t understand why it is happening. We’re all so smart and kind and we can all recognize a controvertial topic from a mile away. We know there are going to be divided opinions. We know there is going to be some “crazy” story we’re going to weigh in on. Those things are not shocking. We’re aware of what’s happening. Why is it that we then choose to attack and belittle anyways? To declare our righteousness over others. Because that’s a choice.
Is it the subject matter that causes some to full on HULK RAGE despite the manner in which it is presented?/Do the topics hit somewhere so personally that you feel like you were attacked just by reading it even if you never literally were?
Do some feel attacked by the way others defend/explain their positions?
Is the huge amount of information spread across pages and pages of a thread just too much to reasonably take in and respond to?
Is the controversy just too sexy?
Do you think it feels easier to treat others with less consideration because they’re just a username on a screen and therefore “not a real person?”/Perhaps absolute lack of internet empathy?
I’m genuinely curious and DO NOT want this to turn into a screaming match. I genuinely want to understand the reasoning/source of it and would like to hear what others think on the matter.