Post # 1
I am stuck in a situation where regardless of what I do I end up feeling guilty or ungrateful. Help?!
Before I say anything I want to just point out im hugely grateful for all my in-laws and parents are doing for us. And I desperately dont want to hurt or seem ungrateful/bitchy to either of them.
Traditionally, and as my side of the family had assumed/decided my parents were going to gift me my wedding jewellery. It has always just been something that didnt need to involve my in-laws as why would it? They then turned round the other day and said they’d been looking at my wedding jewellery (?! havent even chosen my dress or discussed this?) and they WERE going to be buying it. I thanked them and tried to paddle about with ‘oo thats lovely but i dont know what im having yet, and think my parents wanted to get it, and not sure GREEN glass jewellery is quite what i was looking for!!….’. Nothing – they completely ignored me.
They then mentioned it to my mum, who had be pre-warned, and she mentioned that my dad had wished to buy my jewellery for the day. Again they ignored her and discussed what they would be looking to buy. Mum was helpless.
Now I am incredibly grateful for the offer, and am trying to maybe suggest they bought a plain pearl or something bracelet… and my parents bought a necklace but they just bowl on over. I don’t know how to not come across as an ungrateful cow, when this shouldnt even be an issue to start with.
My fiance actually wanted to buy my necklace (his parents response was: ‘course he wont’!?), my parents seem quite hurt by the presumption and lack of control, I am hurt that YET AGAIN there is a situation where there really shouldn’t be, and they will be hurt if I seem ungrateful or just suggest a bracelet.
I think all this stems from thier only daughter, my fiances sister, not allowing Mother-In-Law to do ANYTHING for the wedding – she wouldnt let her dress/shoe/jewellery anything shop with her as she is a little opinionate… so she’s let loose on me.
I am so grateful for the offer but WHY does it have to become so complicated and how do i fix this if they wont listen to anything we say.
Post # 3
@lucyh2bee: i’d thank them for the thought but tell them that your parents have already gotten you your wedding jewelry. if they get you something anyways, just thank them again and wear it to the rehearsal dinner or for bridals or something.
Post # 4
It doesn’t sound like hinting is working for you. I think you need to tell your Future Mother-In-Law, nicely of course, something like “My parents really want to buy my wedding jewelry and I already told them ages ago that they could. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, I never expected that you and Future Father-In-Law would offer to do this too, you’ve been so generous already!” and invite her to come with and help pick it out.
Post # 5
Simple. Have your parents get it for you, accept what the IL’s get you graciously, and wear theirs on your Honeymoon (and let them see pictures). Would they really make a stink on your weddng day if you don’t use what they gave you?
I also like the wearing it at the Rehearsal Dinner idea too!
Post # 6
@elliestan: I would go with what ellie said .
Post # 8
Wear theirs to the rehearsal dinner. That is what I did with the jewellry my parents got me because I wanted to wear my own and it worked like a charm!
Post # 9
Thanks for the posts!
Unfortunately we aren’t having a rehearsal dinner and due to the, not so small, price tag they are mentioning I couldnt not wear it. Might just have to just say it outright to them. Just feels so incredibly ungrateful. I dont like discussing money with people, and it seems mad to be turning down an expensive gift… for a modest gift that would mean such alot more.
Stupid weddings. Hate all this political tiptoeing. All i want is to just marry my man, the rest is all so ARGH.
Post # 10
How much is this jewelry? Maybe they’d like to host a small rehearsal dinner instead? I believe that’s traditionally the right of the groom’s parents anyway?
Post # 11
@lucyh2bee: Do you have more than one dress for that day? Maybe you can wear one set for the wedding and the other for the reception