(Closed) Should stop talking about it. He's still scared…

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Gosh I know how you feel… I did move with him, in his condo, and trust me, it is hard… I hate thinking that legally, I don’t even live here, so I don’t know what would happen if something happened to him or anything else. I understand completely why you would at least want to be engaged first… Me and SO just had another fight about it, and I’m thinking about moving out and living by myself again until he grows up and gets his sh.. together! Sorry I can’t help you. I mean, maybe you would move in with him and there would be no problems, or he would propose, son I don’t advise you not to do it.. just to know that it is not an easy road…

 

 

 

Post # 4
Member
850 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

It sounds like he wants to be able to give you the best version of himself in order to take the next steps. Moving in together, while awesome and exciting, can be quite stressful (especially when it comes to finances) so I see his perspective in wanting to wait. It’s okay to re-evaluate every few months, see how you are both feeling about making new commitments whether it be engagement or moving in together. You should feel free in your relationship to talk about your emotions. Help him talk about his fears about moving in together or getting engaged. It’s unlikely that it’s just about having space or computers!

We were together 6+ years before getting engaged, owned a home together too, and we felt it was really important to live together before marriage. We moved in together at just under a year of dating. The idea of getting married was on the table, but we didn’t see any reason to rush, since we weren’t interested in having kids yet and we truly didn’t have time to plan the wedding we or our families wanted. We do want to start a family in the next 2-3 years so the time just feels right now to get married at this point. I only share my story to show that all relationships are different. Just do what is best for the two of you!

Post # 7
Member
1540 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I’ve been with SO for almost 6 years. We waited so long because we started dating at 20 (I don’t know how old you are). We didn’t want to get married too young and didn’t have money. Last year, he was talking about how he wanted x y and z before getting married. I told him he shouldn’t put too much pressure on himself and that if he expects life to be perfect before he proposes, we may be 40 by the time it happens. We already live together, so it’s not like it would be a big change. I think he understood where I was coming from.

Now he’s finally showing more interest in actually proposing, and I think it’s coming soonish

Post # 8
Member
314 posts
Helper bee

@rubird:  How old are the both of you, if you don’t mind my asking? And, has he given you a timeline so far?

Post # 9
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I don’t think anyone will want to hear what I have to say, but sometimes…. it really is true when you meet ‘the one.’ things just come together. my SO and I met in July 2011. In January 2012 he told me I was the one and he was going to propose. He saved up money and he didn’t actually propose until February 2013 – but it was always cleary he was going to as soon as possible.

….

My mom and dad dated for seven years. He didn’t really want to get married. He said he wasn’t ready. She wanted to get married. She cried and pleaded and demanded and threatened….so they got married. 

They were miserable.

By the time I was 9 years old, it was incredibly clear that my mom lived her life in a solitary hell. My dad and she grew completely apart over time, and when they argued, he’d point out that he’d never wanted to get married and she’d ‘forced it’. I found out later that they didn’t have sex for 3 years. My father died of a heart attack when he was 47. My mother was crushed.  She is remarried now to someone who loves her and talks with her about books and weird documentary movies and taught her to play guitar… while life is journey and her path brought her to husband #2, there’s no question in my mind that she shouldn’t ever, ever, ever, ever, ever have rushed a man who didn’t want to marry her. i lived with them both and saw every day that he wasn’t the right one for her.

 

(I might add that they met when my mom was 26 and he was 34 when they met.)

that is just my two cents.

 

Post # 12
Member
1405 posts
Bumble bee

As a cold reader, I don’t think he is anywhere near ready.  He sounds very uncomfortable with the idea.  

The topic ‘Should stop talking about it. He's still scared…’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors