- 7 years ago
- Wedding: March 2011
Just a sampling of my day and the fun texting I’ve been having all day long:
Mom: what day is ceremony again?
Me: the 19th, mom.
Mom: and the time?
Mom: So your SIL is staying the whole week in Iowa then?
Me: No, she is coming up the friday before the wedding and leaving on Monday the 21st
Mom: If she comes up on Monday and leaves on Monday, that is a WHOLE WEEK. She will be there until the 29th, Saturday!
Me: Um, mom, the wedding is the 19th. We are heading up there the 13th. It’s all during Spring Break. The 29th is an entire week AFTER and irrelevant.
Mom: :::sends series of “blank” text messages after this::::
Mom: Ugh. Just call me.
Then we had the phone call where i explained everything AGAIN. Remember, if you will, that we’ve been engaged officially since May and I’ve told her all of this but she wasn’t really “interested” until recently.
I heard her writing things down this time, and she asked me how to spell this or that, and we had a few rounds of “Wait, wait.. so Minneapolis is 5 hours from Iowa and Chicago is 2.5 hours from Iowa? with me saying “No, mom, reverse it.” and then again “Tell me AGAIN why y’all chose this particular town??” Um, cuz it’s pretty, that’s why.
Then she requests flight info and airfare for EVERY possible combination of in / out and different days of the week. And then we move on to train fare. And car rental rates. thankfully I have them all mostly memorized at this point. 😉
Next we move on to all the things I have left to do. She is helping to remind me, so I can take more Xanax I guess. Or because I might “forget” my to-do list a mile long. Ha. But she’s funny, because she has an “answer’ or “solution” for every thing on my list. There was the dress convo:
Me: Well I still have to get my dress bustled.
Mom: What? You are wearing a bustle??? (she’s thinking 1880s, lol!)
Me: No mom, not THAT kind of bustle. It’s a way for the dress to stay tucked and out of the way, the train part, after the ceremony.
Mom: well I don’t know but every wedding I have ever seen, in real life or on TV, they just have it up over their arm (really mom!?) or with a wrist loop or something. I’ve never heard of this bustle thing.
Me: Mom, a wrist loop is not going to work, the dress is too heavy and even if it waasn’t the case I’d like to drink and eat without worrying about the train all night.
Mom: Well what about having someone carry it?
Me: carry my train around all evening mom? Seriously?
Mom: Well you saw Princess Diana’s train. And people carried it for her.
Me: Mom, she was a freakin’ PRINCESS!!!!
Mom: Well, you think you are!
Me: Ugh! Okay yeah, totally. I’m a princess who has been making paper flowers non stop for hours now and have several scissors cuts to prove it. My servants are on strike apparently!
Mom: ::::laughs a little:Which brings us to the flower conversation. Y’all still with me?
Mom: Well considering how much you have to do, it seems like a lot of your valuable time is going into this paper flower thing.
Me: Well it’s either that or my valuable money, which I have less and less of currently.
Mom: Well I understand that but you are making paper carnations. Real carnations are not exactly expensive!
Me: No, they are not, but I want a big bouquet, and one I can keep forever, and even though real ones are inexpensive, paper ones are WAY way cheaper.
Mom: Well don’t they have read-made bouquets at the grocery store? They have grocery stores in Iowa you know.
Me: Yes mom I’m sure they do and they will be ten times the cost of my paper flower bouquet, unless you are offering to buy it?
Mom: (ignores that last part) what about silk flowers?
Me: What about them?
Mom: why don’t you buy those instead?
Me: I don’t care for the look of them much.
Me: I just dont’ like them, mom.
Mom: Well because they don’t look real? Because you are making PAPER flowers and those most certainly don’t look real.
Me: No mom, I just prefer the paper flowers, okay?
Mom: :::sighs::: Okay. But they sure take up a lot of your time.
(yeah kind of like these phone conversations huh???)
Funny text message follows where she tells me to make white paper flowers and then spray them pink with paint! lol. I guess she doesn’t realize I live in a CITY, where they actually sell PINK TISSUE PAPER.
Then another one shortly thereafter telling me “You need to use pinking shears for those carnations you know”… Um yes, I know.
And then she gets mad about something and “SCREAMS” in text in all caps and when I call her on it she plays the age card.. “I was NOT screaming at you. I just needed the text bigger so I could see it, that’s all.”
So my mother is hilarious and infuriating and exhausting all simultaneously.
And then to round out my day, about a dozen texts from someone who I really really thought was not coming to the wedding, asking me a dozen questions (all questions covered before AND on the wedding website AND on the invite).. things like when are y’all leaving for Iowa, and what is there to see on the drive up if we drive, and what day is the wedding (!?) and is it over Spring Break (!? this person works at a school!) and can we bring so and so (new romantic interest of one of the invited people)…